


The Whisper of the Wind

by theangryuniverse



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crime, F/M, Fluff, Modern Era, Mystery, Rebecca AU, Smut, modern japan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-06-13 14:57:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 69,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15367128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theangryuniverse/pseuds/theangryuniverse
Summary: A young woman and a daiyōkai, alone and lost, find themselves in the midst of a world that has long become foreign to them. While she hopes for love, he longs to forget. But that is easier said than done in a place where, not long ago, tragedy has struck, and where the past haunts those that try to erase it.





	1. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! ^_^
> 
> This will be a story with shorter chapters, and one that I will (probably) not update as quickly as the other two, but it's also something entirely different! It is based on the amazing novel "Rebecca" by Daphne du Maurier, but set in the modern world. Nonetheless, I will try to keep as many original InuYasha elements as possible. Join me on this very exciting ride if you like!
> 
> And don't worry: There will be smut.

Last night I dreamt of our old home.

However, it looked very different from what I knew. The moment I approached the gates I knew that something was different. They had been left ajar, the lock was broken, and one half of it had been taken out of its hinge. The Crescent that had always ornamented it had rotten away, leaving nothing but a poor excuse of what the emblem had once been. The entire gate was broken and it seemed impossible to get past it, but the moment I approached it I seemed to fly, flying past the gates onto the crooked path that led up to the mansion. The closer it came, the more I saw of it, and the more I realised that it was not what it used to be anymore.

Nature had reclaimed the house immediately after our departure. The roots of the trees surrounding it had found their ways up the stairs and around the pillars almost like snakes, reclaiming its very substance. The ivy that I had always loved had grown through the doors and windows, covering the inside of the rooms. The tatami mats had rotten away, leaving behind nothing but the plain floor, covered in burn marks.

I did not enter the house, but I felt watched. I turned around, but there was no one around except for me. The feeling of being watched, however, did not vanish. Immediately, I began to panic, the way I had felt so many times during the time we had lived there. But this time, I knew it was just a shadow of the past.

No one was there. And it was just a dream.

Of course, I did not tell my husband about it the next morning. Mentioning it would have only upset him and he would have stopped talking to me for days, being lost in his thoughts. But I was grateful for every word he spoke, for every act of kindness, for every smile, no matter how small it was. All of these things meant the world to me. And I would not risk it all merely by mentioning what has haunted us for such a long time.

We can never go back. Everything we had turned into ashes the night of the fire, and with the smoke the demons of our past disappeared. At least, it seemed like it. I would still catch my beloved sit up at night, his beautiful, golden eyes wide in terror, his hand clutching mine. He would not speak, and neither would I. I would wrap my arms around him and hold him until he fell asleep again. It was a restless time for both of us, but it was necessary.

He does not wake up anymore at night, but the past sometimes finds its way back into his mind. And then there is very little that I can do.

I usually try to distract him in such moments. I tell him about everything that there is, about the things I have seen on television, news the neighbours told me about, what kinds of things are on discount at the supermarket around the corner. I talk about literally everything just to take his mind off things. It does not always help, but sometimes, he replies to it, and then the light returns to his eyes, and I know that he has fought back the demons for now. It will probably haunt him for the rest of his life. But it comforts me to know that he won’t be alone with it.

He has settled into this new life that we have, although it seems to go against his nature. Living in a large apartment in Tokyo is not really what he prefers, but when we were not sure where to go, he bought this place without even taking a look at it once. Now it is our home, our sanctuary, and I have tried to make it as homely as possible. The apartment was not empty when we moved in, but it seemed so sterile that I could not bear it. He seemed to notice, as he remarked that it was good that in these modern times, money was mainly digital and could not burn. With the money we still had on the bank, we settled in this new life.

I have often wondered since then if we should have stayed abroad. Away from Japan. But I assume that he would not have been able to find peace either way. It had been his idea to return to Japan, he had been eager, even, to show me his home, and I was happy to return to the country of my birth. I had been away for such a long time – it truly had felt like coming home. At least for me.

I still wonder if it felt like coming home for him, too. But I doubt it. After all, he had fled Japan on his search for peace and redemption. And if he had not fled, we would have never met.

As I think about it, it was all Kaede’s fault. That, and her love for English tea.

* * *

 

Kaede-sama was a kind and gentle woman, and I loved working for her. She was incredibly patient with me during the first few weeks of the job, and although I had absolutely no qualifications to work as a caretaker for a woman of her age, she accepted me on the spot. I will be forever grateful for her trust, as it allowed me to make a living of my own in a situation that had left me completely hopeless.

What I had not expected, however, was that I would have to travel the world. But that was an obligation I followed dutifully. When I began working for Kaede-sama, she was well enough to travel a lot, and she took me to many interesting places I would not have gotten to see without her. One of our trips eventually led to London.

Kaede-sama’s daughter had moved to the United Kingdom and naturally, she had asked her mother to move in with her and her family. The old lady had been sceptical from the very beginning, and as she had been worried about going to England, she had asked me to come with her. I had no other place to go, so I had come with her.

The first few days, we had to stay in a hotel in London – a fact that Kaede-sama disliked very much. Her daughter had no time to pick her up yet and so, we spent the majority of our days in the hotel, only taking small walks through the nearby park every now and then. Kaede-sama was an old woman, and she was not able to keep up with the hectic reality. It was a world so very different from what I had always known. It seemed almost surreal to me to wake up in a city like this, where it was always loud and buzzing. In Japan, Kaede-sama had lived in a house outside of Sapporo, between rice fields and forests. London was entirely different.

For some reason, however, Kaede-sama enjoyed British capital very much. She would get up each day very early for her morning walk, and then enjoy a cup of tea and a light breakfast in the hotel restaurant. Then she would rest for a while in her room, only to go for another walk around lunchtime and to return in time for a cup of afternoon tea.

She loved the English afternoon tea. Each afternoon, we would sit in the same spot at precisely five o’clock and have tea served to us be an incredibly English-looking waiter that probably mistook Kaede-sama for the Empress of Japan merely because of her natural elegance and grace. I, however, was merely a help in their eyes, a servant, and therefore, they treated me a lot less respectfully.

Kaede-sama, however, would not have any of it.

“My dear girl here has no cream for her tea,” she said to the waiter that kept coming to our table to check if everything was fine. “Bring her some.”

I muttered something under my breath that it was fine, but Kaede-sama insisted that I received the same amount of attention and service as she did. The waiter did as he was told, bringing more cream to our table. Kaede-sama thanked him with a small smile and clasped her old hands on her lap.

“Some people must still be taught to be polite,” she said. “Some people have never cleaned a toilet in their lives, and it shows when they speak.”

I chuckled at that. Kaede-sama had a wonderful sense of humour, and although she was now rich, she had lived in poverty when she had been young and knew what it felt like to go to bed hungry. Whilst she enjoyed her money now, she never spent it carelessly like many other people. I always assumed that it was one of the many lessons she had learnt in her long life.

The hotel we stayed in was one like many others, but with the exception that it also welcomed yōkai. Although the majority of supernatural beings in the world had gone extinct, the strongest and the most peaceful Japanese yōkai had always survived, and they were a firm part of Japanese society. It was rare to see one of them outside of Japan, as the rest of the world regarded them as curiosities, but every now and then, we had spotted a yōkai during our travels.

In this hotel, however, there seemed to be only humans.

“I don’t know what to think of this country, I have to say,” Kaede said eventually, looking out of the window. “It seems to rain here so very often. Or perhaps we are just unlucky with the weather.”

“I am sure that England has sunny days, too,” I replied, refilling her cup carefully and adding milk and sugar to the tea. “Your daughter will be so happy to have you here.”

“But she is always so very busy,” Kaede said softly. “Thank you, dear.” She reached for the cup and took a small sip as the waiter walked past our table, almost bumping into one of the other guests. He mumbled an apology, but the man did not seem to hear him. In fact, it seemed that the man had stopped in his tracks right in front of our table, and as I lifted my head, I saw the most extraordinary man looking down at us.

He was, without any doubt, a yōkai, and a powerful one, too. A daiyōkai. Only the strongest yōkai were able to take a human form that blended in almost perfectly with the masses. This one had long, silver hair that he wore in a high ponytail. His skin was pale and fine, magenta stripes ornamented his cheeks while a blue crescent marked his forehead. The most mesmerising thing about him, however, were his golden eyes that he kept fixed on Kaede. I had never seen anything like them before, and I could not help but stare.

The daiyōkai, however, had only eyes for Kaede-sama.

“You are a miko,” he said, his voice deep and heart-shattering.

“That is correct,” Kaede said calmly, meeting his gaze. “And you are a daiyōkai.”

“I did not expect one of your kind in a place like this,” he said.

“Neither did I expect one of your kind, Mylord,” she said. “But we take the world as it is, do we not?”

He raised his eyebrow ever so lightly. “You come from a family of miko,” he said. “I recognise ancient blood when I see it.”

“So do I,” Kaede replied, clasping her hands on her lap. “You have seen many faces of my family in your life, I believe.”

“Enough of them to know that I should never underestimate the powers of a descendant of the miko Kikyō,” he said. “I hope that you will not try to purify me.”

“Only if necessary,” Kaede said. “But at the moment the only thing I would like to have purified is the water that is used to brew my tea.”

The daiyōkai smirked at that, and suddenly, his gaze fell on me. “Training a new generation?” He asked.

“A miko does not speak about those that she protects,” Kaede said in a surprisingly non-threatening tone for such a touchy subject.

“Indeed,” the daiyōkai agreed. “Enjoy your stay in London.” And with that, he inclined his head to first Kaede, then to me, and walked out of the room.

I watched him leave, unable to take my eyes off his back until he was completely out of sight. Just then I felt Kaede’s hand on mine, and I turned my head towards her.

“Do not stare, Rin,” she said. “That is impolite.”

I blushed and mumbled an apology. “Did you know this… this man?”

“Of course I did,” Kaede said. “Well, not personally, but the crescent on his forehead told me who he was.”

“And… who was he?” I asked carefully.

Kaede looked at me in surprise. “His name is Sesshōmaru,” she said. “The descendant of the Inu no Taisho. I am sure that you heard about him. He was all over the news in Japan two years ago, after all.”

“Why?” I asked with a frown, as his name did not ring a bell. I had never been much of a television person, and I preferred to read books instead of magazines.

“Because of his wife,” Kaede said, reaching for her tea again. “She drowned. A terrible tragedy, of course.”

“But why was it all over the news?” I asked, and I could only imagine how painful it had been for the man.

Kaede put her tea down on the table once more and looked at me knowingly. “She was very popular, you see,” she said. “And when a yōkai like her dies the way she did, it raises some questions.”

And with that she rose, and I with her, offering her my arm for support as we walked out of the tea room towards the elevator. As I turned my head, I was sure to see a head of silver hair from the corner of my eye, but as I blinked once more, it was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! :)


	2. Petit Dejeuner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 2!  
> This story will be told in shorter chapters! I think this is how it works best with this kind of story. I hope you like it!

The following morning, Kaede woke with a terrible cold and a sore throat that made it almost impossible for her to speak. Despite her protests, I called for a doctor, who confirmed that the old lady had indeed caught a cold and had to stay in bed for a few days. The doctor prescribed her something for her throat and some pills that would help her sleep, but Kaede was stubborn, as usual. The moment the doctor had left the room she had pushed the medication aside and reached for the tea instead. She was sure that this was the only medicine she needed, and I knew better than to argue with her.

Due to the fact Kaede had to stay in bed, I was on my own as I descended the stairs to the lobby and made my way through the hall to the doors of the dining room, where the very same obnoxious waiter of the day before was already waiting. He greeted me with a condescending smile and pretended to look through the pages of the notebook on the desk before he finally spoke to me.

“Good morning,” he said. “How is madame doing this morning?”

“She is ill, I’m afraid,” I answered softly.

“So it is just breakfast for one person?” He asked in return, his eyes wandering over my appearance. I had chosen to wear one of my old dresses that morning. It was not very fashionable, but it was comfortable, and I had always liked it very much. But as the obnoxious waiter looked at me, passing his judgement, I could not help but feel very, very little.

“Yes,” I replied, swallowing thickly. “Just me.”

The waiter nodded and grabbed the notebook. “Follow me.”

He entered the dining hall and led me through the room towards the other side, away from the table that was usually reserved for me and Kaede, near the windows with a beautiful view of the hotel garden. This time, he led me to what could only be described as a dark corner, hidden behind a large plant near the doors that led to the kitchens. I immediately knew why he was doing this, but I was too shy to protest. It was just a table, I thought, and I did not want to make a scene.

“Mademoiselle,” the waiter said and gestured at the table, not pulling the chair back for me. I murmured a thank you and sat down, promptly knocking over the vase.

“Oh dear!” I gasped and got up, reaching for a napkin to control the damage.

The waiter sighed. “We shall see if there is a dry tablecloth,” he said and turned away to go to the kitchen, and I knew very well that he had no intention of getting a new one for me.

Suddenly, a tall figure with silver hair appeared behind the large plant that separated my table from the ones by the window.

“Leave it as it is and set the table here,” he said to the astonished waiter, gesturing at his own table. “The lady will have her breakfast with me.”

I blinked at the daiyōkai in utter surprise, and all that came out of my mouth was an explanation that I did not want to disturb him.

“Do you want to sit at a wet tablecloth?” He asked and raised an eyebrow.

“I… I really don’t mind…”

“Nonsense. Please.” He gestured at his own table and as the waiter suddenly began to follow the yōkai’s orders, I could not deny his request. I swallowed thickly and mumbled a shy thank you as he pulled out the chair for me, and the waiter, now being the perfect gentleman, apologised over and over again and poured me a cup of coffee personally.

“Orange juice, eggs, three slices of toast, raspberry marmalade, a small bowl of porridge and a pot of green tea for the lady,” he said to the waiter. I opened my mouth to protest but he ignored me completely. “And for me a small selection of fruit as well as some salmon on toast will do.”

“Very good, Sir!” The waiter breathed and hurried away towards the kitchen. I watched him go, speechless at the sudden change of the man’s behaviour. But I was not able to wonder about him for long. My saviour spoke again, and I immediately returned my attention to him.

“I had planned to ask you to join me anyway,” he explained, adding milk to his coffee. “A woman should not sit alone in such a dark corner and have breakfast on her own, in my opinion. The wet table cloth was merely a very welcome coincidence.”

I blinked at him in surprise. No man had ever asked me to join him for anything, let alone breakfast. But this man – and I was not even sure if I could call him a man at all due to his yōkai nature – seemed even keen on having me at his table. But I was sure that he was merely pitying me.

A woman dining alone in a dark corner was probably a very pitiful sight.

“You didn’t really have to,” I murmured shyly as a group of waiters suddenly surrounded our table and placed our breakfast in front of us. It was a fine selection for both of us, but I could not help but feel uncomfortable at the sheer amount of food he had ordered for me, compared to the small breakfast he had ordered for himself.

“I might steal some bits from you,” he remarked with a small smile as he took a sip from his coffee. “You must forgive me for being so rude yesterday afternoon. I did not even introduce myself to you.”

I looked up in surprise. He was right, he had not even introduced himself to us, but Kaede had known who he was, and so did I in this moment.

“Kaede-sama told me who you were once you had left,” I admitted, clasping my hands on my lap. “I must admit that I never met a daiyōkai.”

Sesshōmaru smiled lightly. “And I have never met a miko and her student so far away from home.”

“Oh, I’m not her student,” I said quickly. “I’m just… taking care of her because she is old.”

“So you work for her?”

“Yes.”

“An interesting and very unusual occupation for a woman of your age.” He put the coffee down again and reached for the toast and salmon on his plate. “I thought most of them go to university these days.”

“Not me,” I replied softly. “I couldn’t afford it.”

“Did your family have no money?” He asked.

“I don’t… have a family anymore.”

Lowering my gaze I reached for the coffee and took a large sip, a very large one, consequently burning my throat. I began to cough heavily as suddenly, someone took the coffee out of my hands and replaced it with the cold orange juice. Gratefully I took a few sips, taking deep breaths. I had embarrassed him by giving him so much information about myself, and I was sure that I had gone too far, overstepping the natural boundaries.

“I am very sorry to hear that,” Sesshōmaru said calmly. “It seems that we have something in common. My parents have died, too. A very long time ago. I barely remember their faces.”

I looked up at him, only to find him peel an orange. Just then I noticed his claws, there, at the ends of his fingers that were so very unlike human ones. Claws that could easily kill people, but for some reason I did not yet understand, I was not afraid of him. I was only fascinated.

“This is what happens when you live as long as I do,” he added. “We are not immortal, but with time, death loses its fright.” He broke the peeled orange into smaller slices and stuffed one of them into his mouth, swallowing it whole. “And it seems you and I have something else in common.” His golden eyes met hers. “We are both trying to find a place in the world. I assume it was not always your dream to become the caretaker of an old lady?”

I shook my head. “But I don’t mind. Kaede-sama is very kind and she was the only one who was willing to give me a chance after school.”

“How old were you when you started working for her?”

“I was sixteen.”

“And how old are you now?”

“I always thought it was impolite to ask a woman for her age.” The words had slipped out before I even knew what I was saying, and my heart skipped a beat as I feared what his reaction would be.

But the daiyōkai named Sesshōmaru only chuckled.

“Quite right,” he said. “Where is she anyway? Your employer.”

“She caught a cold and has to stay in bed for a few days,” I explained and reached for the green tea that he had ordered for me. It was an excellent blend, and I couldn’t help but hum in delight.

“I see,” Sesshōmaru said with a small nod and took a sip from his coffee before he began to eat properly. And so, I focused on my meal as well.

For a while, we didn’t exchange a single word, drinking our coffee and eating our breakfast in silence. Every now and then the waiter would come to refill our cups or to ask if we required anything else, but my companion eventually sent him away with a single look. He seemed to be frightening to others, but to me, he was anything but scary. If anything, he fascinated me. The way he spoke, the way his fingers wrapped themselves around the mug, the sparkle in his golden eyes whenever the light of the lamp above us refracted in it.

“Have you ever been up the London Eye?” He asked suddenly when we had almost finished our meal, and I nearly dropped my toast. “The view from up there is spectacular.”

I shook my head. “No. Kaede-sama is too old for these things, she says.”

“Then why don’t we leave this hotel with its ghastly waiters for the day? We can get lunch and perhaps dinner somewhere in the city.”

I stared at him. “But… I possibly couldn’t…”

Sesshōmaru raised an eyebrow. “You possibly couldn’t what?” He asked calmly.

I clasped my hands on my lap and mumbled something among the lines of not wanting to disturb him and that he surely had lots of important things to do, but he would not hear any of it.

“Nonsense,” he said and finished his coffee. “I am here on holiday, and so are you. Go and get a jacket or cardigan from your room, I will call a taxi for us in the meantime.”

And before I could protest he had risen from the table and made his way out of the dining hall towards the reception desk.

I stuffed the rest of the toast into my mouth and got up, almost running into the obnoxious waiter who had come to ask if everything had been to our liking. I gave him a short answer and rushed to the elevator, which was, fortunately, located on the other side of the lobby where he could not see me. The moment the doors of the elevator opened I stepped inside and pressed the button for the fourth floor where our rooms were located, trying to soothe my heart which was beating fast in my chest for a reason I did not yet understand. Once on the fourth floor, I rushed down the hall to my room and grabbed my cardigan as well as an umbrella and my purse, but as I was already out of the door I stopped in my tracks. I had to tell Kaede where I was going. But I couldn’t possibly tell her with whom. She was a miko, and she would most certainly disagree.

I pulled myself together and went to her room, knocking gently on the door before entering. Kaede-sama lay in bed, sipping her tea and listening to a programme on the radio.

“Is it alright if I go and explore the city?” I asked nervously. “The parks and such, you see…”

Kaede looked up. “Of course, dear,” she said softly. “Don’t forget to take an umbrella with you.”

“Noted,” I smiled and waved at her with the pink umbrella on the way out, stuffing the embarrassingly childish thing into my purse as I walked back to the elevator.

He was already waiting for me in the hall, dressed in fine trousers, a black shirt, and a matching coat as well as leather shoes. I had not noticed his clothing before, but I had to admit to myself that I found him extremely attractive. The dark clothes were a stark contrast to his silver hair which he wore in a high ponytail, showing off his pointy ears and the magenta stripes on his cheeks.

He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life.

And here I was, wearing an old dress and a knitted cardigan.

“The taxi is waiting,” Sesshōmaru said, holding the door open for me as we stepped out onto the busy streets of London. A black cab was waiting for us, the driver greeting us with a small nod, his eyes widening slightly at the sight of the yōkai, but he did not say a word.

I climbed into the car after him and as the door shut and the vehicle began to move, I could not believe my luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think in the comments!
> 
> Also, check out my other stories if you like my work!


	3. Over the Rooftops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was panicking just now as the website wouldn't work for me, but thank god it's back! I wrote this just now and I had so much fun for some reason. In this story, we get to see a very different Sesshomaru. Less arrogant, more calm, more gentle, but still the yokai that we all love (and lust after).

Our taxi took us through the wide and narrow streets of London, passing famous buildings and monuments that I had only seen on pictures and in books. Trafalgar Square, the National Portrait Gallery, Buckingham Palace, The Mall, Downing Street, the Houses of Parliament. And bridges. Countless bridges. But it was a city built near the water, so bridges were inevitable and a firm part of the picture.

At first, my companion did not speak much on our way to the London Eye, only ever occasionally pointing out something interesting on the way. It seemed that he had been to London countless times and he seemed to know absolutely everything. Eventually, I began to ask him things back, and he would give me the most detailed of answers, telling me about the history of London as if he had been there to witness its rise to a metropolis. Perhaps he even had. I did not know how old he truly was, so it was not impossible that he had been around during the time of William Shakespeare, had witnessed the Great Fire of 1666, or that he had even met Elizabeth I. But I was too shy to ask for his age, and he did not reveal it to me at this point.

But he was undeniably a lot older than he seemed.

Eventually, the taxi stopped near the entrance of a small park, and we got out. Sesshōmaru paid the driver while I took a first look at our surroundings, already spotting the wheel in the distance.

“I thought we could walk the rest of the way,” Sesshōmaru said as he appeared at my side. “It is only a short walk from here to the London Eye, but we will come across an art display, I believe. It seems to be a very new one.”

“Oh, I see,” I said with a small nod as we began to walk. I did not know the way, so I had no other choice but to follow him. But he seemed to know the way very well.

The people stared at us curiously as we walked through the small park towards the London Eye. Most of them had never seen a yōkai in real life before, only ever on television or in pictures, and so it was not surprising that many of them stopped to take a picture. Sesshōmaru, however, did not seem to care. He kept speaking to me about the art exhibition as we reached it, telling me that it had been installed only two days ago for the public to see, and although I could not really tell why these things were considered art, he made it all sound incredibly interesting, and I was hanging to his every word, just to hear his deep, soothing voice.

As we reached the London Eye I instinctively wanted to go to the queue for the tickets, but then I felt his hand on my shoulder and as I turned around, he was suddenly right behind me.

“I already got tickets for us,” he said and let go of my shoulder again. “Come.”

Surprised, I only nodded, following him past the masses to the entrance where he only presented his phone to the person standing there, and we were promptly let through to the next free capsule. But unlike the other capsules, this one was empty, and as the doors were shut behind us, I realised that we would have the entire capsule to ourselves for the entirety of the ride. I didn’t even want to imagine what all this had cost, and I immediately felt ashamed of taking advantage of his kindness.

He seemed to read my mind, however, as he suddenly spoke again. “Please do not worry about the price of this,” he said.

“But it must have been terribly expensive!” I replied immediately.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, please,” he said. “It is a very little price for the treat of being in your company.”

I blushed at his words and turned away from him, pretending to look out of the glass capsule as the wheel continued to move, taking us higher.

He came to stand beside me, his hands clasped on his back. “I must ask you the rudest of questions,” he said calmly, and at that he had me look at him again with wide eyes. What on earth did he want to ask me? “What is your name?”

I blinked at him.

I had not even told him my name.

Not during breakfast, not during our ride here.

“Rin,” I said in astonishment. “My… my name is Rin.”

Sesshōmaru nodded lightly. “That is a very beautiful name,” he said. “And it has a beautiful meaning, too. Better than mine.”

“What does your name mean?” I asked before I could stop myself.

He chuckled. “Destruction of life,” he said. “But back in the day, the name you gave a child was supposed to keep evil spirits away.”

I nodded in understanding. “Why did you say it was the rudest of questions?”

“Ah.” Sesshōmaru clasped his hands on his back and walked away from me again. I followed him to the other side of the capsule that was facing the southern part of the city. “It must be a relic of a time long forgotten,” he said. “When I was… younger, it was custom that women kept their names hidden from anyone that did not belong to their family. Asking a woman for her name shortly after meeting her was considered very rude back then.” He looked down at me, his golden eyes sparkling in anticipation. “I hope you do not think me rude.”

I had not known that, but then again, Japanese culture had changed in so many ways over the course of the centuries. It was not hard to believe that things had actually been that way once.

“Do you mean, like in Genji Monogatari?” I asked him, suddenly remembering the classic Japanese novel that we had studied in school. The moment I asked him, I felt very stupid, but much to my relief, he smiled warmly and nodded in approval.

“Yes, exactly. Like in Genji Monogatari.”

I was relieved that he did not think me stupid for making such a comparison, but then I began to wonder, and I could not help but ask him. “Did you know Murasaki Shikibu?” I blurted out, my heart beating fast in my chest. I had always loved this Japanese classic, and especially the fact that it had been written by a woman. What if my companion had actually known the woman I had always admired?

But Sesshōmaru chuckled lightly and shook his head. “I am not _that_ old,” he said, but he did not sound offended. “I am seven hundred years old. Roughly.”

Seven hundred years.

Seven hundred years of knowledge and wisdom were with me in this capsule that rose higher and higher, revealing more and more of London to us.

He must have realised that this news overwhelmed me, as he averted his gaze and moved a little away from me.

“That does not mean that I still uphold values from seven hundred years ago, Rin-san,” he said, casually shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers. “I have moved with the times and I regard women as equals. I always have.”

I blinked in surprise and quickly pulled myself together to assure him that I had not meant to imply such a thing. “I just thought… it’s so… impressive.”

Sesshōmaru raised an eyebrow, and for the first time, I seemed to have caught him off-guard. “Impressive?” He repeated in surprise.

“Yes!” I blurted out and took a step towards him. “I mean, the things you must have seen, and the people you must have known! Things that the people of today that can only imagine or read about in books!”

For a moment he was completely quiet, and he did not even move, resembling a statue more than an actual living being. But suddenly, his lips curled into a smile.

“That is a very unusual compliment,” he said. “But one that I will acknowledge gladly. Thank you.”

His smile, the first genuine smile he gave me directly, was so overwhelming that I couldn’t help but avert my gaze, and I pretended to search for something in my purse. I heard him walk away from me towards the other side of the capsule, and I exhaled in relief. At least I had not insulted him.

Just then I found the small camera Kaede had bought me for my birthday in my purse. I had completely forgotten about it, as we had not really explored the city, but now seemed to be a perfect opportunity to use it. I pulled it out and turned it on, going through the few pictures I had taken with it so far. I did not take many photos, only of things that had caught my interest. A cat, bathing in the sun of Okinawa. A group of children sharing an ice cream cone in Hanoi. A young woman, hanging up her clothes on the balcony in Tuscany.

“Rin,” Sesshōmaru said suddenly. “I think you should turn around now.”

I did as I was told, and I could not help but gasp at the view that presented itself to me. From where I stood, I had only been able to see an endless sea of houses, but from the other side of the capsule, the sheer endlessness of London and the River Thames unfolded in front of us. I quickly moved to the other side of the capsule, instinctively touching the glass that separated me from the abyss. “The view is truly spectacular,” I whispered. “The people down there look so tiny. Like tiny dots on a great painting.”

I lifted my camera up to my face, searching for the right angle, but nothing seemed to fit. No matter where I turned, there was something in the way; a tower, a park, a car, a bus, a ship, the sun. But as I turned to the left I caught Sesshōmaru’s face through the lens, and what I saw sent shivers down my spine.

He was looking down at the city with a sadness in his eyes that I had never seen before. It seemed as if he was deeply lost in his thoughts, as if they had carried them to a land far away where neither I nor London or anything else seemed to exist. Seeing my companion like this broke my heart into a thousand pieces, but before I knew what my fingers were doing, I had released the shutter.

Fortunately, he did not notice.

I lowered the camera and approached him tentatively. “Sesshōmaru-sama?” I asked softly. “Are you well?”

Within the blink of an eye he seemed to return to reality, and his golden eyes met mine with an unknown outlandishness in them. “Forgive me,” he said. “I just remembered something.”

I clasped my hands around the camera, studying his face worriedly for any sign of discomfort. Was he not feeling well in such a height? Had he forced himself to come here for my sake only, when in reality, he feared being trapped in a capsule like this?

“Have you been up here before?” I asked hesitantly.

He nodded. “Yes. A while ago. On the day it was opened.”

What others would have called a fond memory seemed to be an unwelcome one to him, and as I let my gaze wander, I saw that his pale hand had gripped the railing that lined the capsule tightly. His knuckles were turning white, and as I looked up at his face again, I saw that his jaw had hardened, too.

“You seem very unhappy, Sesshōmaru-sama,” I said quietly, touching the railing carefully as I moved a little closer to him.

Suddenly he was looking at me again, and within the blink of an eye, the strange expression in them had disappeared. Instead, he was looking at me with a warmth and kindness unknown to me before.

“Please call me Sesshōmaru,” he said, placing his hand on top of mine for a moment. “That is how my friends call me.”

I nodded softly, and he let go of my hand again, moving to sit down on the metal bench in the centre of the capsule. I took a few more pictures of the skyline before I eventually joined him, stuffing the camera back into my purse. It was as if a wall had been broken down between us, and Sesshōmaru was back to his old self. He told me about the first time he had been to London in 1833, and how very different it had been back then. I clung to his every word, eager to learn more from him. It had been the first time he had left Asia completely to explore the Western world. It seemed to hold a special place in his heart, but deep down, he assured me, he was a patriot, and that he regarded Japan as his home. “I have a house in the Kyōto prefecture,” he told me. “Near Ine. I don’t know if you know it.”

“I have heard of it,” I said, surprised about my own knowledge. “Is it not near Nunobikinotaki?”

“Yes, the waterfalls,” Sesshōmaru agreed with a small smile. “I am surprised you know it.”

“My mother showed me many pictures of it,” I explained. “She was a photographer.”

“Is that why you like photography?”

I nodded. “Yes. I want to see the world the way she did. Through a lens.”

Sesshōmaru nodded knowingly. “But do not forget to see the world through your own eyes, as well,” he said, clasping his hands on his lap. “May I ask where you are from? Is it near Ine?”

“I was born in Sapporo,” I told him. “But we moved to Kyōto when I was little. And then we lived in Matsue for a while.”

“It seems that you travelled a lot, then,” Sesshōmaru said. “Even as a child.”

“Because of my father’s work,” I explained. “He was a specialist for restoring traditional houses.”

“That sounds very interesting,” Sesshōmaru said. “Your parents had interesting professions.”

“Yes,” I agreed, looking down at my hands on my lap. “They were interesting.”

As the capsule reached the ground again and we got out, I realised that we had been in the London Eye for almost an hour, but to me, it had felt like a few minutes only. Since our arrival even more people had gathered on the square before it, and as Sesshōmaru stepped into the sunlight, not only a few of them gasped and reached for their phones to take a picture of him. But this time he did seem to mind, as he shot a few angry glances at the people and placed his hand on my back, shoving me towards the exit.

“Oh, wait!” I said as I spotted a small shop near the wheel. “Could you wait here for a moment, please?”

He looked at me in surprise but he nodded, moving to stand in the shade of a tree to wait for me there. I took my camera and approached the shop, which offered a quick printing of all pictures that one had taken up the wheel. It took only a few minutes to print the photographs, and as I returned to my companion, I reached into the envelope and gave him the one that I found best. It was a stunning view of the London skyline, with the River Thames winding its way towards the horizon.

“For me?” Sesshōmaru asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

I nodded. “As a little thankyou,” I said. “For every hour I may spend with you.”

He seemed genuinely surprised. “You enjoyed this, then?”

I smiled and bowed instinctively. “Yes, I enjoyed it very much. I wish there was a way of preserving this moment, like a… like a perfume in a flacon.”

Sesshōmaru seemed genuinely moved by the gift, and before I knew what was happening, he had touched my cheek with his hand, and pressed a gentle kiss to my hair.

“Thank you,” he said. “I will cherish this photograph.”

I was too shocked and too overwhelmed by his gesture to mumble anything else but that it was nothing, that I just wanted to give him something in return, but he gently stopped my rambling by taking my arm and leading me back to the park and past the art display we had come across earlier, towards the taxis as it began to rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! 
> 
> For those of you who have tumblr, follow me! I'm theangryuniverse there. On twitter it's @myangryuniverse


	4. Changing Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The semester is almost over here, my entire workplace is on summer holiday, and i have not found a topic for my term paper yet, so I have nothing to do. So I write. A lot. And this story is just going so damn smoothly!
> 
> Thank you to those that left comments and kudos!

The following days, Sesshōmaru took me to all the places in London that I had not had the chance to see when I had been looking after Kaede. The old lady was still sick, but she was feeling well enough already to speak to her daughter and her grandchildren on the phone, which she did almost all the time. I found it rather rude of her daughter to not visit her mother in the hotel in such a situation, but as always, Kaede had an excuse for her for not coming. She was a terribly busy woman, she told me as I combed her hair in the evening, and she had so much to look after with the children. I kept my mouth shut about this topic. Arguing never led to anything with Kaede.

“And what about you?” She had asked me the evening I returned from my trip to the London Eye with Sesshōmaru. “Did you enjoy your stroll through London? You came back after dinner.”

“It was wonderful,” I said softly, smiling to myself. Little did she know that I was smiling not because of London, but because of the man whose company I had been allowed to enjoy.

“But did you get enough to eat, dear?” Kaede asked worriedly.

“I had something to eat on the way,” I assured her and wrapped the duvet around her shoulders once I was done to keep her warm.

On the third day of Kaede’s illness, Sesshōmaru took me to the National Portrait Gallery at Trafalgar Square – a place that I had always wanted to see, and the fact that he took me there felt like a great honour to me. Fortunately, the gallery was admission-free, and so I did not have to feel guilty. The day before, he had taken me to the Sherlock Holmes museum, and he had insisted on paying my ticket. Afterwards, he had taken me to a restaurant for dinner, and there, he had also paid the bill faster than I could ever even ask the waiter for it. But this time, I was determined to make sure he did not spend any money on me, and as he had asked what I would like to see, I had named the National Portrait Gallery, knowing that it would not cost us a single penny.

And so, we strolled through the long hallways together, stopping every now and then to take a closer look at the pictures presented to us. The gallery had an impressive collection of artists of all styles and ages, but the one I enjoyed the most was the Tudor gallery. I told Sesshōmaru about the stories my mother used to tell me about them, and how fascinated I had always been by them. He listened patiently, only to give me a detailed description of his meeting with the painter John William Waterhouse a while later.

It was a wonderful day with him, and I hoped that it would never end.

After our tour through the gallery he took me to the café that belonged to it, and of course he insisted on paying for the drinks and snacks. It did not matter that I protested, he ordered the tea and the cake without looking at me a second time and carried it all to our table by the window. I murmured a small thank you and that it truly was not necessary that he paid for me all the time, but he made me shut up by merely raising an eyebrow.

“I haven’t had anyone to invite for quite some time,” he said as he poured me a cup of tea. “Allow me this little spark of excitement.”

I would have never put it the way he did, but then again, he was very different from all the other men I had met so far in my life.

Just as I took the tea, a group of Japanese school children and their teacher entered the café. As they spotted Sesshōmaru they stopped in their tracks, bowing lowly to him as they walked past our table and towards the terrace. Sesshōmaru did not even seem to react, but I had learnt to read him a little during the last few days.

“May I ask you a question?” I said, looking up from my cake.

“Hm?” Sesshōmaru returned his gaze to me. “Of course.”

“Why did these children bow to you?”

He clasped his hands on his lap. “Why do you want to know?” He asked in return. “Does their reaction make you uncomfortable?”

I blushed. “N-no,” I said quickly. “I was just curious. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, of course. It is none of my business, after all.” I looked down at my cake again, feeling ashamed for my curiosity.

But Sesshōmaru replied. “They bowed to me because I am the descendant of the Inu no Taisho. The daiyōkai the Japanese admire to this day.”

“You mean… you are his son?” I asked shyly, looking up.

The corner of his mouth twitched. “Yes, I am,” he said.

What I thought next I left unspoken. Of course I knew who the Inu no Taisho was. We were taught about him at school, about the great dog demon that had once ruled the Western Lands and had protected the humans from all evil. And I had learnt that he had died after a final conversation with his son, who had vanished into thin air afterwards.

Only to reappear several centuries later.

“Does this scare you?” He asked me, reaching for his tea.

I looked up with a frown. “I don’t understand,” I said. “Why should this scare me?”

“It would only be natural,” he said. “Regarding the many stories that have been told about me. The _lies_ , as I like to call them.”

I shook my head. “I do not know any stories about you, I assure you,” I said. “And besides, I do not pay much attention to what others think of the people I like.”

Sesshōmaru took a small sip from his tea. As he put the cup down again, he was looking at me with a strange expression on his face, as if he was not sure how to react.

“I have come to like you as well, Rin,” he said. “It is nice to be… appreciated by someone honest.”

Only then I realised what I had said, but it had come over my lips so naturally. And I found that I was not ashamed of it. I liked him, I enjoyed his company, and there was no shame in admitting that, was there?

And the fact that he liked me to meant the world to me.

“I embarrassed you,” he said suddenly and shifted on his seat. “I apologise.”

“No!” I blurted out and shook my head quickly. “No, you didn’t embarrass me…” I clasped my hands on my lap. “But I… I also find it nice to be appreciated by someone… honest.”

Sesshōmaru said nothing to that. He reached for his tea again and took a small sip, placing the cup carefully on the saucer again and adding some more sugar to the hot beverage.

“These last three days with you were lovely, Rin,” he said eventually. “I hope that there are more days like these to come. Tomorrow I will be in Oxford for business matters, but I hope that we can see each other the day after that? For a cup of tea at Covent Garden, perhaps?”

Overwhelmed by his kind words, it took me a moment to reply to his suggestion, and I accepted gladly. “I would like that very much,” I said with a small smile.

Sesshōmaru smirked. “Good.”

* * *

 

As I went to see Kaede the following morning after breakfast, the old lady was not alone. A Japanese woman in her mid-forties sat next to her bed with a few papers in her hands, gesturing at them with a small sigh.

“Oka-san, believe me, I was going mad,” she said. “But now we finally managed to renovate the house and Joseph is confident that it will be a great opportunity to all of us. And we’d be delighted to have you there! I could look after you while I work from home, and the boys would love to have you around. They missed you so much.”

I carefully closed the door behind myself, but loud enough for them to hear me.

Kaede looked up from the pictures, greeting me with a kind smile. “Ah, Rin-chan,” she said softly. “You remember my daughter, Yonoko?”

I nodded and bowed lightly to the other woman. “Good morning,” I said softly.

“Good morning, Rin-san,” Yonoko said with a small smile. “I heard you were exploring the city while my mother was sick?”

“Yonoko,” Kaede sighed. “I allowed it. I was feeling well enough to stay here on my own.”

“I’m just saying that you’re-“

“I don’t want to hear any of this, Yonoko,” Kaede said calmly. “Rin has been working very hard, and she deserved to have some time for herself.” She sat up properly and clasped her hands on her lap. “Rin, come here, I would like to hear your opinion.”

Yonoko sighed softly. “Well, perhaps it is for the best,” she said and placed the pictures on the duvet. “My husband bought a house near York,” she explained to Rin, who took a seat on the other side of the bed. “And we would like my mother to live with us, but she does not want to.”

“I did not say that,” Kaede replied calmly. “I merely said that I was not sure. It is so very far away from home.”

“I know, Oka-san,” Yonoko said, touching her mother’s hand. “But we would all be together. How about we just try it? You move in with us and you can see for yourself if you like it. And if you don’t like it you can go back to Sapporo.”

“And what about Rin?” Kaede asked. “I cannot just leave her.”

“She can come with us, if you like,” Yonoko said. “And if you like it she can look for another job. She will get a good letter of recommendation and everything from us.”

Kaede sighed and took my hand. “What do you think, Rin?” She asked.

I knew that Yonoko was watching me, so I had no other choice but to answer in her favour. She was, after all, the one who paid for me.

“I think you should give it a try, Kaede-sama,” I said softly. “Imagine how much time you will get to spend with your grandchildren.”

“Exactly!” Yonoko agreed with a vigorous nod. “Please, Oka-san.”

Kaede seemed to debate with herself for a moment, but eventually, she nodded. “Fine,” she sighed. “We shall give it a try.”

“Wonderful!” Yonoko smiled and got up, grabbing the pictures. “I will go and tell Joseph. Oh he will be so happy to hear that. And the children! They can’t wait to see their grandmother tomorrow when we leave.”

She hummed to herself as she walked out of the room. I, however, had frozen on the spot. My stomach felt as if I had just swallowed a large chunk of ice.

“We are leaving tomorrow?” I squeaked.

Kaede shrugged lightly. “Well, Yonoko said that she has to be in York by Monday, so we have to leave as soon as possible. Why? Is anything the matter?”

I shook my head. No, I could not tell her that I had been spending my days in the company of a daiyōkai, the very kind of creature that the women of her family had always fought against.

“Rin?”

I felt her hand touch mine gently. “You know that I would never abandon you,” she said. “You have been looking after me so well. I will make sure that we’ll find a place for you as well, yes?”

I nodded softly and tried to fight against the tears that were forming in my eyes. “I… I suppose I should start packing, then,” I said and got up.

“Yonoko will pack my things,” Kaede said. “Take the rest of the day off, yes? Enjoy the sunshine.”

“I… yes,” I murmured and left the room, closing the door behind myself carefully. Yonoko was standing in the hall and speaking to her husband on the phone, glancing at me only briefly before she turned around again, speaking to him in rapid English.

I walked down the hallway towards the elevator, pushing the buttons, but as it did not come I took the stairs instead, walking down all the way to the lobby. I approached the reception desk with a rapidly beating heart, and to my horror, the obnoxious waiter was working at the desk that day. He raised an eyebrow as he looked at me.

“Please, could you tell me which room-“ I paused, realising that I did not even know the last name of the man I had spent my days with. “I mean, could you tell me in which room the- the…”

“I am sorry, Mademoiselle, but I cannot give out information about our guests based on their first names,” he said with an arrogant smile.

I took a deep breath. “Please, Sir, I just need to know the room number of Sesshōmaru, son of the-“

“I am sorry, Mademoiselle, but I cannot help you,” he said and moved on to the next guest, ignoring me completely.

I moved away from the reception desk and sat down on one of the sofas, burying my face in my hands. I did not even know his last name, and this tiny piece of information kept me from finding his room. Perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps I deserved it, I thought. I had been hoping for too much. But I just wanted to see him one last time.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself not to cry. Instead of pitying myself, I had to be grateful for the wonderful time I had had with him. And I would always have the memory and the photographs of our day over the rooftops of London. The way he had looked down at the city was something I would never forget. And then, suddenly, he had touched my hand. And when I had given him the photograph, he had kissed my hair.

Oh, if there only was a way to keep every memory of our days together alive forever! To save the memory from fading, in order to keep it colourful and present. I wished I knew of a way to preserve our time together in a bottle, a bottle that I would only have to open in order to relive it all.

“Rin?”

The moment his voice reached my ears I could have kissed the ground he treaded on.

Sesshōmaru had entered the lobby from the elevator, impeccably dressed in a black suit and leather shoes, his hair up in the high ponytail I loved so much.

I almost cried in relief and I rushed towards him. “Oh god I am so glad that I see you once more!” I breathed.

“What do you mean?” Sesshōmaru asked with a small frown, touching my arm. “Is everything alright?”

“Kaede-sama will leave tomorrow morning,” I said quickly, wiping away my tears. “To live with her daughter in York.”

“And you are going with her,” he said.

“I have to,” I sniffed. I hated myself for starting to cry in front of him, but I could not help it. “You know that I work for her. I cannot afford being picky about these things.”

Sesshōmaru said nothing for a moment, and it seemed as if he were thinking very quickly.

“Let us go to my room, yes?” He said eventually, gently placing his hand on my back.

I looked up at him in surprise, but I was too overwhelmed by seeing him again to say anything. Just as we turned around to go towards the elevator I felt the eyes of the receptionist on me, and as I turned my head, I saw him mutter something to himself.

It all happened very, very fast.

Sesshōmaru had moved to the other side of the lobby within the blink of an eye, reaching over the reception desk and grabbing the man by his tie. I did not hear what he was saying to him but judging from the man’s reaction it was not something pleasant. He swallowed thickly and nodded vigorously before Sesshōmaru let go of him again, returning to my side once more.

I was unable to say a word as we took the elevator to the sixth floor, nervously playing with the hem of my cardigan as we waited. Sesshōmaru did not speak either, looking at the display of the elevator only and watching the numbers change. Eventually, the doors opened and we stepped out into the artificial light of the corridor. I wordlessly followed him down the hallway to the last door on the right, which he unlocked quickly and held open for me. “Please.”

I stepped into his hotel room, looking around nervously. The bed looked as if it had never been touched, just like the rest of the room. Did yōkai ever sleep?

He closed the door and led me into the room, gesturing at the sofa. “Please, take a seat,” he said, sitting down beside me as I followed his request. “Now, tell me what is going on. You are leaving with Kaede for York, if I understood that correctly?”

I nodded, looking down at my lap. “Yes. Her daughter wants her to live with them, and I can understand why. She is her mother, and she only wants the best for her.”

Sesshōmaru nodded slowly, not saying a word for what seemed like hours. “Kaede-sama wants to spend time with her loved ones, then,” he said. “That is understandable. But the question that remains is: what do _you_ want?”

I shook my head, playing with the hem of my sleeve. “What should I want. I am grateful for the job that I have, for the money that I earn, although it is not much.”

“That is not what I meant, Rin,” Sesshōmaru said softly. “I meant: Where do _you_ want to go?” He clasped his hands on his lap and looked me directly in the eye. “She is going to York. I am going back to Ine. Where would you like to go? You can choose.”

“Please stop jesting,” I sniffed, wiping the tears that were rolling down my cheeks again away with my sleeve. “Please don’t make it even harder for me.”

“I never jest before my morning tea,” Sesshōmaru said with a small frown. “I mean it. York or Ine?”

Realising that he was, in fact, not trying to make a joke, I stopped crying and sat up properly, looking at him in utter amazement.

“You… you are offering me a job?” I asked in confusion. “As… as a secretary or…”

Sesshōmaru chuckled and shook his head. “No, no. You misunderstand.” He reached out to take my hand. Suddenly, the expression on his face had changed from a deep frown to anticipation, and his eyes were full of warmth and kindness, just like the day he had asked me to call him by his name only. His fingers curled around my wrist, as if he was taking my pulse.

“I am asking you to marry me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, things are moving forward very fast between them in this story, but there is a reason for it :)


	5. To Love a Yōkai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Why is this going so fast?" You might wonder.   
> They're moving super fast because it's been like this in the original too. And Sesshomaru is desperate. REALLY desperate. You will see why in the upcoming chapters!
> 
> Lot's of dialogue this time!
> 
> Also, the next chapter for Roses and Thorns is in the making!

The world seemed to stand still in this moment, and I could not help but stare at him with wide eyes. It seemed as if time had stopped for us, as if the universe was holding its breath the way I was. I was sure that I had misunderstood him. I was sure that he had said something entirely different. There was no way that Sesshōmaru had asked me the question of all questions, only a week after our first meeting.

But the way he looked at me in anticipation made it impossible to come to any other conclusion.

“I…” My mouth suddenly felt very dry, and it was a miracle that the words even came out. “You…”

Sesshōmaru’s hand gave mine a gentle squeeze. “I am asking you to be my wife. What do you think?”

I suddenly felt very dizzy, and I squeezed my eyes shut, taking a deep breath as I withdrew my hand from his grasp and turned away from him, my nails digging into the cushion of the sofa in an attempt to regain control over my senses. But that was easier said than done. My heart was beating fast in my chest, and I felt hot and cold at the same time.

“Rin?” I heard his voice, but it seemed to come from a place very far away. “Rin, are you well?”

I nodded lightly. “Yes, I…. I’m fine,” I murmured.

Sesshōmaru shifted next to me on the sofa, and a moment later, I heard him rise.

“Forgive me,” he said and moved away from me, and the pain and – much to my horror – the embarrassment I heard in his voice shook me to the core. “It seems that I misinterpreted something. I thought that the feelings I had for you were-“

Instinctively, I had reached for his hand, and as my fingers grasped his he trailed off, stopping in his tracks. My hands were shaking, but they refused to let go. I couldn’t bear the thought of him turning away from me, of disappearing from my life for good, which would inevitably happen if I did not stop him.

“…mutual,” he said in a whisper, barely audible to me, but I heard him nonetheless.

My vision was blurry from the tears that had begun to form in my eyes as I looked at him. He was looking at me with a blank expression on his face, but there was anxiety in the golden eyes that I had begun to love so much. It seemed as if he were afraid of what I was about to say, as if he could not bear the thought of rejection.

“They… they are mutual,” I said quietly and averted my gaze again. “But I cannot become your wife.”

I felt his fingers intertwine with mine, and his weight next to me as he sat down once more on the sofa.

“Why not?” He asked, his voice incredibly calm and soothing. “If you feel the way I do, why can you not become my wife?”

“Because… because I don’t belong into your world,” I said, and suddenly, his fingers had grasped my chin and turned my head towards him.

“And what kind of world would that be?” He asked calmly. “Does it bother you so much that I am a yōkai?” He sounded hurt.

“No!” I breathed, mortified that he could even think of such a thing. “No, of course not!”

“Then what is it?” He asked, and his tone of voice became more demanding, almost angry, even.

“It’s not you, it’s me!” I exclaimed desperately, and he let go of me again, seeming genuinely surprised at my outburst. I clasped my hands on my lap, wringing them nervously. “I could never… be the kind of wife you would want.”

He seemed genuinely taken aback, and for a moment I feared that I had insulted him greatly and that he would get up and walk away. But he did no such thing. Instead, he seemed to pull himself together, and he returned to his usual, calm self.

“And tell me, what kind of wife do you think I would want?” He asked, his voice incredibly soothing to me as he spoke. “I have been married before, and I know of the obligations and also of the struggles that come with a marriage. I have been through it all. And believe me when I say that the only basis I need for a marriage is a woman that I love, and I can assure you that my feelings for you are nothing but genuine. I know that marriages between humans and yōkai are… unusual, but I have never cared about the opinions of others regarding the ones that I like. To quote your words.”

Sesshōmaru reached for my hand again, and this time, I did not pull away. It felt nice to be touched by him in such an innocent way, and I did not have the heart to move away from him again. It was as if a supernatural power drew me to him.

“Believe me, Rin,” he said, looking me in the eye. “I want nothing more than to be with you. I want to marry you. These last few days with you were the most delightful ones of my life. After months of darkness I felt touched by light again, and I was able to smile. All because of you. And I would be… honoured if you chose to live with me. In Ine.”

He covered my hands with his completely, and his touch sent shivers down my spine. No man had ever shown so much kindness to me the way he had. He had never forced me to speak, respecting my naturally introverted and shy nature. I had enjoyed the days in his company immensely, and the thought of parting from him made my heart ache.

“Do you love me, Rin?” Sesshōmaru asked softly, his thumb gently caressing the back of my hand.

I lowered my gaze again, afraid of looking him in the eye in such an intimate moment.

“I do,” I said quietly, barely audible, but he heard me nonetheless. He wrapped his arms around me as he pulled me against his chest, pressing his lips to my hair.

“Then marry me.”

“Yes,” I whispered, my argumentation defeated, burying my face in his shoulder, inhaling his scent. His embrace became a little tighter around me for a short while only until he pulled away from me again, grasping my chin and kissing my lips lightly.

“You will like it in Ine, I’m sure of that,” he said with a smile.

I nodded, a little dizzy from his sudden display of affection. I had never been kissed before, and he had done it as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

I would go home. I would return to Japan after months of absence – and I was not sure if I was supposed to be happy about it or not. After all, I would not return to Sapporo. I would go to Ine, and live there with a man I would soon call my husband.

Without Kaede.

“I have to… I have to tell Kaede-sama about… about us,” I said slowly. “She… she won’t like it.”

“I thought so, too,” Sesshōmaru agreed. “Do you want me to talk to her first? Or shall we go to her together?”

“Perhaps it is best if we… if we speak to her together,” I said hesitantly.

“Good.” Sesshōmaru rose from the sofa, pulling me onto my feet with his hand. “We should do so as soon as possible, I believe. In which room is she staying?”

I told him, and before I knew it we were out the door and on our way to the stairs. His hand was holding mine gently, and as I lowered my gaze, I noticed that he had blunted his claws. Had he done so in order to make sure that he would not hurt me?

He squeezed my hand reassuringly as we reached Kaede’s room, but before he could knock, I held him back. “Her daughter might be with her,” I said quickly. “I don’t know how she-“

“Rin?” I heard Yonoko call. “Rin, where are you? Oka-san needs your help!”

Sesshōmaru smirked. “Don’t worry. Leave that to me.”

He took the key from me and opened the door, causing both Yonoko and Kaede to gasp in surprise.

“I fear that all of this is my fault, Kaede-sama,” I heard him say as he entered the room, and I followed him shyly, staying in the background, as if I were not supposed to be there at all.

“Good lord!” Yonoko exclaimed with wide eyes. “A daiyōkai!”

“It’s alright, dear,” Kaede said, who had regained her calm posture already. “Would you leave us alone for a moment?”

“Oka-san! That man is a yōkai!” She protested.

“And I am a miko,” Kaede said, throwing a warning glance at her daughter.

Yonoko huffed. “Fine. I will be outside.”

She threw a both warning and curious glance at me as she walked past me and Sesshōmaru on her way out, closing the door behind herself.

Kaede clasped her old hands on her lap, looking up at us expectantly. “Well? Who would like to break the news to me?”

Sesshōmaru smiled lightly. “Your insight into human nature is remarkable, miko,” he said while I had frozen on the spot, realising in horror that Kaede knew, that she knew exactly why we had come, and what we wanted to tell her.

“You do not need to impress me with pleasantries,” she said to him. “Well?”

“I…” I took a deep breath, instinctively fiddling with the sleeve of my knitted cardigan again. “That means, we… we are getting married.”

Kaede threw a long, suspicious glance at Sesshōmaru before she looked at me, holding out her hand. “Come here, dear. Let me hold your hand.”

I frowned deeply, not sure what this was about, but knowing Kaede, I knew that she meant no harm and that she had her reasons for requesting such a thing. I took a step forward and placed my hand in her palm. Her bony fingers wrapped around my wrist and she closed her eyes. For a moment, I wondered if she was not feeling well, but then a very warm feeling spread through my fingers and hand, up my arm and through my entire body. It was unlike anything I had felt before, and it made me feel very, very light.

“That is enough, don’t you think?” Sesshōmaru suddenly said in light annoyance, and Kaede opened her eyes again. She seemed impressed.

“What was that?” I asked in astonishment, looking down at our hands.

“She purified you,” Sesshōmaru said. “To cleanse you from any influence I might have over you.”

“Influence that he does not have, it seems,” Kaede said calmly. “Now, tell me. What is your name?”

I frowned. “What-“

“Just answer her questions, Rin,” Sesshōmaru said calmly.

I frowned even more, but I did as I was told. “Sakamoto Rin.”

“And where are you?”

“In London. In Knightsbridge.”

“And do you wish to marry this man?”

“Yes, I do.”

Kaede let go of my hand and sighed softly. “The good news is that you are in full control of yourself,” she said. “And that means that you have chosen to marry him by your own, free will. Your reputation does not do you credit, Sesshōmaru-sama.”

Sesshōmaru raised an eyebrow. “Unlike others of my kind I do not need mind control in order to get what I wish for.”

“And the thing you wish for happens to be very dear to me,” Kaede replied. “Would you please leave us for a moment?”

Sesshōmaru nodded lightly and nodded at me reassuringly as he made his way out of the room again, closing the door behind him carefully in order not to make a sound.

Kaede clasped her hands on her lap again and looked at me for a very long moment, her kind, brown eyes studying me from head to toe. I did not dare to speak, afraid of what would come out of my mouth. I would probably only start to ramble and find myself unable to stop.

“I must say that I am disappointed, Rin,” she said, and I lowered my head in shame. “Why did you not tell me that you were spending your days with him? I would have given you more money for your outings!”

I raised my head in shock, and Kaede laughed softly, holding out her hands for me. “Oh, my dear child!” She said, taking my face into her hands as I approached her and she kissed my cheeks. “Do you think I was born yesterday? The young man who brought me my lunch told me that you had left the hotel in the company of ‘that yōkai gentleman’, so I knew immediately what was going on. He is quite the dashing figure, I have to admit.”

“Kaede-sama,” I murmured, swallowing thickly. “I…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, my dear,” she said, rubbing my arm gently. “You are an adult yourself, and it is up to you what you do. And with whom.”

I could not believe her kindness – and yet, I should have known. Kaede had never been anything but kind and understanding, and she had been more like a grandmother to me than an employer. That was just one of the many reasons I had loved working for her, and the moment I had accepted Sesshōmaru’s proposal I had known that I would miss her terribly.

“You are surely disappointed that I chose a yōkai,” I murmured as I sat down on the chair that Yonoko had left behind.

“Well, I have to admit that I would not have wished for a yōkai for my dear Rin,” Kaede said. “But the heart wants what the heart wants. I know that very well. My family was not happy either when I declared my love to a painter.”

We chuckled at that, and the tense atmosphere between us had finally vanished. I knew now that she was not angry, and that she would only wish me well.

“Although I have to say that getting married after a week only is rather… quick,” she added. “But I guess that he does not wish to waste any time.”

“I have been wondering about that, too,” I admitted. “I mean… are we not going too fast with this?”

“Only if you think it is too fast,” Kaede replied. “Would you like to wait a little longer? If so, then you must tell him. If he loves you, he will understand. You see, yōkai have a different understanding of time than we do.”

I knew that, and I had already decided for myself that I would not marry him straight away. First, I wanted to spend more time with him, and prepare myself mentally for becoming a wife.

“You won’t be able to come to the wedding, will you?” I asked her, and she shook her head sadly. “Probably not. But it is not me who you need for your special day,” she said. “You only need an open heart and trust in yourself and your beloved. And should you decide against marrying him, let me know and you can come and join me in York.”

I smiled and lowered my head in gratitude as Yonoko burst into the room again, declaring that she would not spend any more time in the hallway with a yōkai, and with that, our conversation was over. I thanked Kaede for her kind words and her trust in me and let her hug and kiss me before I went to join Sesshōmaru in the corridor, feeling Yonoko’s eyes on me as I walked out of the room.

He stood near the elevator, checking his phone. As I approached him, I could not believe how beautiful he was. Everything about him seemed perfect; the shape of his face, the colour of his eyes, the shade of silver that his hair was.

And I was far from being perfect.

But before the doubts could creep deeper into my head he looked up, looking at me expectantly.

Little did I know back then that he had been able to hear every single word that Kaede and I had exchanged.

“I have a condition,” I said as I came to stand before him. “I know you want to get married soon, but I would like to get to know you better first.”

He nodded, clasping his hands on his back. “I understand,” he said. “How much time do you need? Any time span is fine for me.”

I hesitated, not sure how to respond. I wanted to marry him, too, but I did not want it to happen too quickly. How much time would be sufficient?

“A month?” I suggested hesitantly.

“If that is what you wish,” Sesshōmaru said with a small nod. “If you are not sure at the end of said month we shall simply prolong it. Does that sound acceptable to you?”

“Is it acceptable to you, Sesshōmaru?” I asked in return, as I was afraid that he would not agree with it.

He reached for my hand, lifting it to his lips. “I have been on this earth for many, many centuries,” he said softly, kissing the back of my hand gently. “A month more or less does not matter to me.”

I blushed at this sudden gesture of affection, but I managed to nod, appreciating his patience.

“But allow me to find another hotel for us,” he said and let go of my hand again. “I do not wish to stay in this ghastly place with you for any longer.”

“Oh. Yes. Of course,” I said. “But I-“

“Do not worry about the price, Rin,” he interrupted me calmly. “Go to your room and pack your things, yes? I will wait for you in the lobby.”

I nodded and he reached out to touch my cheek, lowering his head to kiss my lips briefly. My heart skipped a beat as his lips touched mine, but before I could react, he had withdrawn from me again.

“Sesshōmaru,” I blurted out as he turned around to leave. “I… can I ask you something?”

He stopped in his tracks and turned around again. “Of course,” he said. “What is it?”

“What did the receptionist say?” I asked hesitantly. “When we were downstairs and you walked over to him, what did he…”

Sesshōmaru looked away from me for a moment before he spoke. It was as if he had to choose his words very carefully.

“He called you a yōkai’s whore,” he said, returning his gaze to me, and there was a determination in them that seemed almost frightening to me. “And this Sesshōmaru will never, _ever_ allow anyone to call you that.”


	6. Imperfection

We left the hotel on the very same day, his hand in mine as we walked out of the lobby onto the street, the eyes of the receptionist following us. But I did not care. Leaving the hotel with Sesshōmaru felt like stepping into an entirely new life. A life at the side of a man that I barely knew, but had fallen in love with nonetheless.

A taxi took us through the streets of Knightsbridge to an entirely different quarter of London, which turned out to be Mayfair. It was an incredibly elegant part of the city, and I did not even dare to imagine what a one-bedroom apartment would cost in these streets. Let alone the hotels. But Sesshōmaru had asked me to stop worrying about money, and I knew better than to keep arguing with him about this matter. He would ignore my protests anyway.

We eventually arrived at a very tall, very modern building, which turned out to be a hotel that was frequently visited by yōkai and other supernatural beings. No one in the lobby looked at us in a strange way as we entered, and as I kept myself in the background while Sesshōmaru asked for a room, I let my eyes wander. He was not the only yōkai in the hotel, that was for sure. Some of them looked entirely human, but upon closer inspection I could see their strangely coloured eyes, the stripes on their hands and faces, or even their wings. Some of them seemed to know Sesshōmaru, as they followed him with their gaze, but no one whispered about him behind raised hands. I understood why he had chosen this hotel. No one would disturb us here, or look at us in a bad way.

“Give me your suitcase,” he said as he appeared at my side again, holding out his hand to take my baggage. I murmured that I was very well capable of carrying it, but he wouldn’t hear any of it. He smirked and took the suitcase from me, carrying it to the elevator.

Now that it was clear that I belonged to him, the yōkai were studying us more curiously, but they did not say a word. I assumed that they knew who Sesshōmaru was, and that they found it interesting that he had come to this place with a human girl.

“Ignore them,” Sesshōmaru said as he stepped into the elevator. “People always talk.”

I nodded softly, standing beside him as the doors of the elevator closed and took us up the building. I looked at the small screen next to Sesshōmaru’s head, and as the numbers increased, I began to wonder how many floors this building had. Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve. Thirteen.

Eventually, we stopped on the fourteenth floor and I followed him out of the elevator. The hallway was long and very elegantly designed, with marble tiles and large orchids on the small tables lining the walls. Only then I noticed that there was only one door, and that seemed to be hours.

“Sesshōmaru,” I said, taking a step back as he unlocked the door. “Did you book the penthouse?”

Sesshōmaru pushed the door open with his foot, glancing at me over his shoulder. “What if I did?” He asked with a small smile.

I stared at him, my eyes widening and I opened my mouth in protest, but he had already turned away from me again and had entered our room – or what I had thought to be a single room. It was, in fact, the penthouse of the hotel, and my jaw dropped at the sight of this sheer luxury.

We stood in what seemed to be a living room, with two large sofas and a big television as well as a fake fire place underneath it. Next to the sofa was a small dining area, followed by a complete kitchen. Two doors opposite from each other seemed to lead to more rooms, most likely the bedrooms.

And the view!

The outer wall was completely made up of large windows, offering a fantastic view of the city, almost like the London Eye.

“There is a balcony over there as well,” Sesshōmaru said as he put the suitcases down on the floor.

“You… you really didn’t have to,” I said, mortified at the thought of him spending so much money just for my sake, but he only chuckled.

“You are right, I did not have to. But at the moment, this was the only option available with two bedrooms,” he said. “I thought it only appropriate to ask for two. As we have just met, and I do not sleep as much as humans do.”

Only then I realised how thoughtful this gesture was, and I couldn’t help but blush. He was right, we did not know each other well, despite the fact we wanted to get married. And the thought of sharing a bedroom with him had worried me already on the way here. At least that was something I did not have to worry about for now.

“I see,” I said, taking my suitcase. “I… I’ll just… unpack.”

He nodded. “Of course. Take your time.”

He took his own bag and carried it to the room near the kitchen, leaving the other one to me.

As I entered the bedroom, I could not help but gasp once more. A massive bed stood in the centre of the room against the wall, with large, fluffy pillows ornamenting it. A large wardrobe made up most of the wall to my left, whereas the opposite wall consisted of windows only, offering a spectacular view of the city. A door next to the wardrobe led to the bathroom, at which I would take a look later, I decided.

Unpacking my belongings turned out a miserable experience. As I put my clothes away, I realised how shabby and worn-out they were, and of low quality. Compared to Sesshōmaru, who was always impeccably dressed as if he were going to meet the Queen, I certainly looked like a poor excuse of a woman. I had always liked my clothes. But now, I felt like I could never be equal to him in them.

I sat down on the bed, trying to rearrange my thoughts. I had actually done it. I had accepted his proposal, and I had moved with him to this hotel. From now on, we would try to get to know each other better, and in four weeks’ time, I was supposed to tell him if I wanted to marry him or not.

The idea seemed absolutely absurd.

But I had nowhere else to go.

And I had already admitted to myself that I was in love with him.

What he saw in me, however, remained a mystery to me.

Once I had finished unpacking I returned to the living room, where Sesshōmaru was on the phone, apparently speaking with someone from the reception desk.

“Fantastic. Thank you. Yes, 7pm.” He hung up, turning around to me. “I booked a table for us at the rooftop restaurant for tonight. I hope you don’t mind.”

I shook my head, clasping my hands gently. “Of course not.”

Sesshōmaru walked over to me, taking my hands into his and squeezing them gently. “Do you like it here?” He asked. “Is there anything you need? You only have to ask.”

I shook my head. “I have everything I need, Sesshōmaru,” I assured him, looking down at our joined hands. It still felt strange and yet so wonderful at the same time to be touched by him. And indeed, he had blunted his claws, their shape now resembling human fingernails.

Sesshōmaru noticed that I was looking at them, as he let out a small chuckle. “They’ll regrow very quickly,” he said. “I will have to blunt them again tomorrow.”

“You don’t… have to change yourself for my sake,” I said quietly. “I’ll just be careful.”

Sesshōmaru opened his mouth to reply, but then his phone buzzed in the pocket of his jacket. He let go of my hands and took a look at the display, sighing. “I’m sorry, but I have to get this one. Why don’t you take a bath?” He suggested, already walking away towards his room to accept the call there.

A bath did not sound too bad, I thought, and I went back to my bedroom to get everything I needed, but as it turned out, everything had already been prepared in the bathroom by the chambermaids. The only thing I had to do on my own was to turn on the tap.

Ten minutes later I lay in the bathtub, playing absentmindedly with the foam that covered the surface of the water. I had not had a proper bath to relax in months, and indeed, it had been a great idea of Sesshōmaru. It helped me to relax, allowing me to think about this situation that was so very new to me. Being in love was one thing, a sensation that I was already – unfortunately – familiar with. Being loved in return, however, was something I was not used to.

I was not the first woman he had loved. He had been married not long ago, to another demoness. Now he was a widower, and probably still mourning. Could yōkai even mourn?

A terrible thought crossed my mind. Was I only a way for him to cope with the loss of his wife? Was his love not genuine, but merely something he tried to force in order to get over her death?

I shook my head vigorously.

I could not allow such thoughts to even enter my mind.

A gentle knock on the door followed by the sound of his voice almost made me jump, and I quickly submerged deeper into the water.

“Y-yes?” I called nervously.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go somewhere,” he said through the door. “I’ll be back in time for dinner, yes?”

“Oh! Yes! Of course, no problem!” I said quickly, too quickly to sound natural and relaxed, and I cursed myself for being so nervous. He had not even come in! That much of a gentleman he was!

“I have left my phone number on the table,” he said and I heard him walk away, and a moment later, I heard him shut the door to the penthouse.

I let out a deep sigh and shook my head. Why was I so easily startled? He was to be my husband! There was no reason to be afraid of him.

I stayed in the tub for a little longer until I began to feel a little dizzy. Reaching for the towel I got out and sat down on the toilet seat to detangle my hair. Just then I caught my reflection in the mirror and I paused, looking at my face that was reddened from the hot water, and at my hair that seemed resemble a bird’s nest. There was no way I could ever let him see me like that.

Slowly, I got up, taking off the towel to look at myself in the mirror. I knew that I was in no way the average Japanese girl, who seemed more like fairies than actual people, but as I looked at myself, at my slightly uneven breasts, the rounded stomach with the little pouch, my broad hips and the full thighs, I knew that I could never be good enough for him.

I hated what I saw.

* * *

 

“Rin?”

His voice interrupted my endless flood of thoughts and pulled me back to reality.

We were sitting at our table at the rooftop restaurant, two glasses of wine and today’s special between us.

“Why are you destroying your food?” He asked me calmly.

I looked down at my plate. Unlike Sesshōmaru, who had been eating like a normal person and had consumed almost all of it already, I had barely taken a bite. Instead, I had pushed the food around on my plate with my fork, making a mess of it.

“Is it not to your liking?” Sesshōmaru asked. “Do you want something else?”

I quickly shook my head. “No, I’m just… just not very hungry,” I murmured, just as my stomach began to growl loudly, destroying my lie effectively.

Sesshōmaru raised an eyebrow. “Now we both know that this is not true,” he said and put his fork down, reaching across the table to take my hand. “Are you not feeling well?”

His touch sent shivers down my spine, and my heart ached at the thought of losing his love again, which would inevitably happen the moment he saw me without my clothes on.

“What is it, Rin?” He asked softly, his thumb gently caressing the back of my hand. “Please tell me what bothers you so that I can help you.”

I withdrew my hand from his grip, clasping my hands on my lap as I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths. I knew him well enough already to know that he would not give up until I said something.

“Do you think I’m big?” I murmured, not looking at him.

For a moment, he said nothing, and that silence alone sent shivers down my spine. So it was true.

“Big?” He said then, and he sounded genuinely surprised. “What is that supposed to…”

I sighed deeply, rubbing my eyes.

“Rin, where on earth did you get that idea.”

The sound of his voice had changed to something I did not know from him yet. I raised my head and saw him look at me with a puzzled expression on his beautiful face. Immediately, I felt ashamed for even saying out loud what I had thought.

“I think you are absolutely stunning, Rin,” he said. “The way you are. I fell in love with you, not with your body. Believe me, Rin, after seven hundred years I know what a woman looks like.” He sighed. “I wonder why this is something so many women in this age cannot seem to understand. It is the billboards and magazines, I assume. Trying to make human women look like goddesses…”

I lowered my head in shame, knowing that I had disappointed him, and that was the last thing I wanted.

But then I heard his chair being pushed back, and a moment later he was at my side, his hand on my shoulder. “Would you like to dance?”

I looked up at him, completely taken aback at his question, but he had already taken my hand and he pulled me to my feet, taking me to the small dance floor near the piano. I had no time to protest as he put his hand on my waist and began to dance with me, although I had no idea what I was doing. I had never danced with a man before, but Sesshōmaru was naturally taking the lead.

“You are breathtakingly beautiful, Rin,” he said, lowering his head a little, kissing my hair. “Inside and out.”

I let out a deep sigh and leant against him, my hand coming to rest on his hip. It was as if he could read my thoughts, as if he was more aware of my worries than I was, and although we knew so very little of each other, he seemed so very determined to make me feel happy.

At the very least, I owed him honesty.

“I’m just worried that you won’t like me because I don’t look like a demoness, because I don’t look the way your wife probably did,” I admitted.

He pulled back a little, looking down at me with a deep frown. The expression in his eyes had suddenly changed, as if a dark shadow had put itself over them.

“I do not expect you to be like her,” Sesshōmaru said calmly. “I want you to be you. Nothing more, and nothing less.”

He brought the hand of mine he was holding to his lips and kissed it gently. “And I don’t want you to starve yourself for my sake, yes?”

There was nothing I could reply to that, nothing that I could use for my argumentation. Deep down, I knew that he was right. And I felt very, very stupid for allowing myself to step into the same trap as so many other women.

We danced for a little longer until we returned to our table. The waiter had taken away the food and had replaced it with today’s dessert, which turned out to be cheese cake with vanilla ice cream.

My favourite.

As I told Sesshōmaru, he began to smile, pushing the fork towards me.

“Noted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had not planned to write the chapter like this, but when I was writing the scene in the bath I couldn't help but think of the way my routine in the bathroom goes, and it usually ends with self-hatred and, unfortunately, also in tears very often. 
> 
> I'm not a professional writer, but I want this struggle that so many women face every day to be visible in my works. It's nothing to joke about, because it literally eats away everything. Your career, your relationships, your hobbies. This is why I do not shy away from writing about my characters suffering from period pains, depression, grief, self-hatred, and - in this case - deep insecurity and body dysmorphia. These are parts of life and I strongly suspect we often don't get to read about typical "female" problems in literature because men don't want to read about them because they find them disgusting.
> 
> Oh, let them find it disgusting. It just weeds out the douchebags, I think.


	7. Unexpected Qualities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind words and for the comments on the story! They mean a lot to me.

The following morning, Sesshomaru surprised me with a full Japanese breakfast in the dining area of the penthouse. I stood in front of him in my embarrassingly childish pyjamas – pink flannel with a blossom pattern – and did not know what to say, but he just pulled the chair back for me and asked me to join him.

Apparently, money could really buy anything. Although the hotel officially only offered a continental breakfast, he had simply ordered the meal as a special request in the early morning hours. Again, I told him that it was not necessary to do these things just for my sake, but he would not hear any of it and asked me what I wanted to do that day instead.

I had to admit that I had not made any plans for our month together. Yes, I wanted to get to know him better, but that would most certainly not be done by sitting in a penthouse with him for four weeks.

Sensing my cluelessness, he began to make suggestions. There were lots of theatres and museums in London that we could visit, as well as lots of gardens and parks that were only waiting to be explored by us. Sesshomaru seemed to know them all, and although all of it sounded interesting and exciting to me, I did not want him to feel obliged to entertain me day and night. When I told him, he assured me that he had no intention of doing so, and that there was some work he had to finish before his return to Japan.

But in the same breath, he made it clear that I was his main priority. And that alone made me blush all over.

Dear reader, when I think of these days, I can say that they belong to the happiest days of my life. Now I have added more memories to that, such as the birth of our first child or the day he told me that he would even die for me if he had to – said in a night where he had had definitely too much sake – but looking back to our days in London still makes me smile. Even now.

That day, we decided to start from the very beginning, by going out for a walk in order to get to know each other better. But first, we went back to our old hotel, as the day had come that Kaede would leave for York with her daughter.

Yonoko seemed as if she had bitten into a very sour lemon, but she did not comment as Sesshomaru and I entered the lobby in order to say goodbye. He kept himself in the background, giving me and Kaede some privacy.

I had worked for her for three years now, and now that I had to say goodbye to her, I realised how attached I had become to the old woman, and how much I would miss her. Fortunately, she was already feeling much better, and I did not have to worry about her health. She hugged me tightly and kissed my cheeks, beaming at me the way my own mother always had.

“Now look at you,” she said. “My Rin. So grown up. And getting married soon.”

“That’s not for sure yet, Kaede-sama,” I reminded her, but couldn’t hide my smile. “But I thank you for everything you have done for me. I don’t know where I would be without you.”

“You would have found your way,” Kaede said. “I have something for you. Close your eyes.”

I did as I was told, and suddenly, I felt her hands putting something around my neck. As I opened my eyes again, I realised that she had given me a necklace. It was simple, yet very beautiful. A blue gemstone was the pendant, and it felt strangely light around my neck despite its size.

Behind me, I heard Sesshomaru shift in his armchair.

“It’s so beautiful,” I said, touching the necklace. “Thank you, Kaede-sama.”

“It’s meant to protect you,” she explained, taking my hands into hers. “I blessed it with a spell to keep evil spirits away. It’s completely harmless for your betrothed, of course. If anything, it might give him a very light electric shock.”

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her once more. “Thank you so much, Kaede-sama.”

Yonoko cleared her throat. “Oka-san, the car is waiting,” she said, rising from the sofa.

I helped Kaede to stand, offering her my arm as usual, but she smiled and shook her head. “I’m fine, dear,” she assured me. “Please call every now and then, yes? And do send me a picture of your wedding.”

I nodded, suddenly feeling a very large lump in my throat. There was no guarantee I would see her again, but at least I knew that she was in good hands, and with the people that she loved.

Kaede walked up to Sesshomaru, looking him in the eye for a very long moment without saying a word. But then she said: “I expect you to treat my Rin well. If I ever hear a word of complaint from her, I will purify you without hesitation.”

Sesshomaru inclined his head to her politely. “I am sure she will not have a reason to be unhappy,” he said. “Have a good journey.”

“Oka-san,” Yonoko said again, sounding more impatient this time. “Joseph is waiting.”

And just like that, I was no longer in Kaede-sama’s service.

Sesshomaru stood beside me as I watched the car drive away, not saying a word until the BMW was out of sight. Now I was truly on my own with him, my fiancé.

“She does love you, you know,” he said eventually as we began to walk down the road. “The necklace she gave you must have been a family heirloom. The power in it is strong and ancient. It will easily keep away evil spirits and lesser yōkai.”

I frowned, touching the blue gemstone carefully. To me, it felt like an ordinary pendant.

“She does not trust me,” Sesshomaru continued. “But I cannot blame her. That is her job, after all, as a miko.”

Carefully, I slipped my hand into his, intertwining our fingers. He paused, looking down at our joined hands with a small frown.

“I trust you,” I said, giving his hand a light squeeze. My heart was beating fast in my chest, as I feared he would find me childish or silly for saying such a thing, but Sesshomaru did not seem to mind. If anything, he seemed surprised at my sudden display of affection.

The frown on his face disappeared again, and he held my hand a little tighter. “Thank you, Rin,” he said, pressing a light kiss to my forehead.

We spoke about this and that on our way to Green Park, which turned out to be a rather nice place for a day out. He told me that he had been to London many times already, but that the parks were his favourite places in the city, where it was easy to forget that one was in the middle of a metropolis. That, he told me, was also the reason he lived in a mansion outside of Ine, and not in the middle of a town.

“I need to be able to breathe freely,” he explained to me. “Where I can be myself. Without being watched each time I transform into my true shape.”

I had a very vague idea only of what his true form looked like, but I was afraid to ask, worried that it would be a rude question. Sesshomaru, however, seemed to read my mind.

“I will show you my true form some time, I promise,” he said. “But not whilst we are here. Europeans are so very easily startled.”

I chuckled at that, moving a little closer to him. “What is it like?” I asked. “Your home in Ine.”

He let out a deep sigh, as if he was trying to find the right words to describe it. “It is… beautiful,” he said eventually, looking up at the sky. “Especially in Spring and Autumn, when the trees are in full bloom or changing their colours. It’s a traditional mansion, you see, with a big garden, and it is located near the cliffs. You can hear the sea in most parts of the house, especially when you keep the windows open.”

“That sounds lovely,” I said. “How do you keep it?”

“With the help of servants, of course,” Sesshomaru said. “A few maids and servants and a cook to keep the house clean and in good condition. It has always been that way.”

“Are they all yōkai?” I asked.

“Not all of them,” he replied. “Most of the servants are human. I pay them well, so they are reliable.”

“I see,” I nodded. “But what would they say if you returned with a wife that is human?”

Sesshomaru chuckled. “I cannot deny that they would be very surprised,” he said. “But they would treat you with nothing but respect, trust me. And if they did not, I would replace them. Ine is your home, too. That is, if you decide to marry me.”

I blushed, clearing my throat. “I… I’ll try to make a decision as soon as possible,” I assured him.

“Don’t rush it because of me,” Sesshomaru said and gently caressed the back of my hand with his thumb. “Are you hungry?”

* * *

 

The days that followed Kaede’s departure all followed the same pattern. We would go for a walk, every now and then to visit a museum or gallery, only to have dinner in either a restaurant or in our penthouse in the evening. On four different occasions, he took me to the theatre, and I got to see and experience more of London that I could have possibly dreamt of.

Of course, Sesshomaru drew attention to himself wherever he went. The people would watch us curiously, some would even take pictures. A very few brave ones would walk up to him and greet him personally. As I found out later, those that greeted him were yōkai, too, and for the first time I realised how well most of them managed to disguise themselves in public. Sesshomaru, however, never made an effort to hide his markings or his ears that clearly showed that he was not human. It simply did not seem to bother him.

What bothered him, however, was the way some people looked at me. I was aware that it was unusual to see a yōkai and a human together in public the way we presented ourselves. As we frequently held hands, it was clear that we were a couple, but I had not thought that it would interest people so much. I tried to ignore their stares, but Sesshomaru would snap at those that looked at us for too long.

“This is the 21st century,” he would mutter under his breath. “One should think that people are used to us.”

“I don’t mind,” I assured him, moving a little closer to him as the audience room darkened and the performance began, but I found it hard to focus this time. My stomach had begun to cramp painfully, and after an hour I had to give up. I tugged on Sesshomaru’s sleeve and asked him if we could return to the hotel; a request he followed immediately. I was sure that I had only eaten something bad, but as the cramps worsened on our ride back to the hotel, I knew what was going on, and I prayed that I had pads or tampons in my bag in the bathroom.

Sesshomaru gently rubbed the back of my hand, not speaking more than necessary as we went back to our penthouse, where I immediately rushed to the bathroom and locked the door, praying that I had not made a mess in my underwear. It seemed that I had made it back just in time, and as I flushed the toilet, I began to search for painkillers, only to realise that I had forgotten to take them with me.

And all shops had already closed for the day.

A gentle knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts. “Rin, is everything alright?” Sesshomaru asked. “Do you require medical care?”

I sat down on the edge of the bathtub, hugging my stomach. “I… I ran out of painkillers,” I said.

“Are you that unwell?” He asked, sounding alarmed. “Are you sure you do not wish to go to a hospital?”

“No, I…” I sighed deeply, taking a deep breath as the next wave of cramps it me. “I’m just… having my… you know…”

It was something I had never spoken about with a man, and it embarrassed me to show myself in such a situation to Sesshomaru. Never had I been more grateful for lockable doors.

For a moment, Sesshomaru did not speak, and I wondered if he had left out of embarrassment. I would not have blamed him for it.

“What do you need?” He asked suddenly. “Painkillers, yes. Anything else?”

“I…” I was too surprised by his calm reaction to respond immediately. He seemed anything but embarrassed. “Yes, that, and… and a hot water bottle, perhaps, but I don’t know if the shops are-“

“Don’t worry, Rin, I will get these things for you,” he said. “Make yourself comfortable in the meantime, yes?”

I heard him walk away and I exhaled deeply, just as the cramps disappeared again. I knew that it would not stay that way for long, and that I definitely needed a capsule of naproxen or ibuprofen to get through the night.

The apartment was empty when I left the bathroom and went to the living room, curling up on the sofa to wait there for Sesshomaru’s return. I had not expected him to react that way. Thinking back of my days in school, all girls had tried to hide the pads and tampons in their sleeves on the way to the toilet, in order to keep it a secret. As if it was something to be ashamed of. My mother had always told me to listen to my body, and that it was entirely normal for a woman to go through these things. That there was nothing I had to be ashamed of. But I could not change what I had learnt from the boys in my classes. It made me angry that I was embarrassed, but I was grateful that Sesshomaru was apparently not.

I had almost dozed off when Sesshomaru returned, his hand shaking me lightly to wake me. He sat beside me on the sofa, looking at me worriedly. I yawned and sat up, only to find a small selection of medication on the coffee table in front of me, as well as a hot water bottle, a glass of water, a steaming cup of tea, and a box of chocolates.

“I was not sure what you needed,” Sesshomaru said, gesturing at the table. “So I spoke to the pharmacist, and she turned out to be quite helpful. Apparently, human females have a stronger desire for sweets, such as chocolate, at the beginning of their cycle and-“

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips before I buried my face in his shoulder out of sheer gratitude. It was the sweetest gesture he had ever shown to me, and I hoped that he understood how much it meant to me.

For a moment, Sesshomaru seemed frozen, but then he put his arm around me and nuzzled my hair gently. “I hope I brought you the right things,” he said softly as I pulled away from him again.

“Yes, thank you,” I said and reached for the first box of painkillers and the water, swallowing to tablets at once before pressing the hot water bottle against my stomach. “I’m sorry for being such a-“

“Stop that,” he said calmly and put his arm around me, pulling me against his chest. It was the first time I was so close to him in private, but I had to admit that it felt incredibly nice to be surrounded by his warmth. “This Sesshomaru is not embarrassed by simple human biology. I want you to feel better, and if there are things I can do to help then I will.”

He gave me the steaming cup of tea, and I took a sip, the liquid warming my stomach immediately.

“I will feel better tomorrow,” I assured him. “I’m sorry that I ruined the evening.”

But he only waved his hand dismissively. “It was high time for us to spend an evening here, in private,” he said. “We’ve had so much culture in the past few days. It’s enough for now, don’t you think?”

I said nothing to that, taking another small sip from the cup of tea before putting it back on the table and curling up against him. I was glad not to be alone, and that he was so patient and understanding. Perhaps he was the right one, I thought to myself. Perhaps marrying him was indeed the best choice.


	8. A Shy Attempt For Romance

The rainy season had begun in London, and so, we stayed in our penthouse most of the time. For me, that was perfect. I was still not feeling very well and used the opportunity to stay on the sofa and watch television or read, whilst Sesshōmaru worked on his computer. I had no idea what it was that he was doing, but by the amount of phone calls he made and received I assumed that it was something very important. I did not disturb him, and kept the noise I made down to a minimum.

Despite the fact he was busy Sesshōmaru tried to spend time with me, even if that only meant to sit at his side, leaning against him as we watched historical dramas on television. At first, Sesshōmaru had been surprised that I liked this kind of shows so much, but I explained to him that I used them to improve my English. To that he replied that my English was absolutely fine, and he kissed my hair.

But it was far from the perfection that Sesshōmaru’s English was. Each time he spoke to a foreigner on the phone or exchanged a few words with the maid that was responsible for cleaning our apartment, I thought I was listening to Prince William himself. His accent was flawless, and it seemed almost as if he had grown up in the United Kingdom. I wondered if he spoke many languages, but I was too shy to ask at this point of our relationship.

Three days after the incident at the theatre, I had curled up on the sofa with a hot water bottle pressed against my stomach while Sesshōmaru spoke to someone at the door. As I raised my head, I saw him give some money to the girl at the door, and as he shut it again he returned to the living area, carrying a plastic bag that contained something that smelt deliciously.

“What is that?” I asked, sitting up as he put the bag down on the coffee table. “Is that Ramen?”

“I thought you might like some, well, food from home,” he said. “I asked the receptionist for a good restaurant. I hope it is good.”

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment as the tears started to form in them. How had he known that I had felt terribly homesick?

“Are you well?” I heard him ask, and as I opened my eyes again he looked at me worriedly. “Are you in pain?”

I quickly shook my head. “I just really missed Japanese food,” I explained and reached for the bowl, hiding behind it. The food smelt delicious, and as I took the first bite, I could not help but hum in delight. It was not as if Sesshōmaru had let me go hungry – in fact, he had made sure that we had a small feast every single evening. But something so simple as a bowl of Ramen was sometimes the best choice.

“I must admit that I kind of missed it, too,” Sesshōmaru said as he sat down beside me and reached for his own portion. “What were you watching?”

“Uh, Downton Abbey,” I said, reaching for the remote to turn down the volume a little.

“Ah.” He reached for the chopsticks. “What is it about?”

I stared at him.

“What is it?”

“You have never heard of Downton Abbey?”

Sesshōmaru raised an eyebrow. “No, I have not. What is it about?”

And so, I spent the next few minutes explaining the plot to him in great detail, to which he patiently listened.

“And this is the reason why I do not keep that many servants in my house,” he said once I had finished. “They are far too nosy. Now eat, or your food will be cold.”

I nodded, curling up at his side with the hot water bottle against my stomach and the bowl of Ramen in my hands. Over the course of the past few days, I had become used to his presence so near to me, and I did not shy away anymore from his touches. Sesshōmaru was nothing but a gentleman anyway. Most of the time, he would simply play with my hair, or touch my arm or shoulder when walking past me. It was strange to see this side of him in private and his cold and almost arrogant attitude whenever we were in public.

I had thought that he would return to his work after our meal, but instead of continuing with whatever it was he had been doing all the time, he stayed at my side, gently rubbing my arm as we watched television together. He had blunted his claws again after accidentally cutting into one of my blouses, and his fingertips brushed over my bare arm, making me shiver. I sighed in content, resting my head on his shoulder, hugging the hot water bottle.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked quietly, nuzzling my hair.

“I am,” I said with a small yawn. “It’s almost over.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he replied. “I hated seeing you suffer.”

I looked up at him with a small frown on my face. “I did not mean to upset you,” I said, but he would not hear any of it.

“I am aware of human biology, Rin,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.” He gave me a kiss on the lips, sending shivers down my spine.

Dear reader, to this day I have no idea where my sudden bravery came from, but that evening, I finally gathered my courage. Hesitantly, I began to return the kiss, not pulling away from him after a moment like I used to. For a moment, he stilled, and I feared that he would move away from me and change the subject of our conversation, but no such thing happened. Instead, he gave in to my shy attempt for romance.

We had never been kissing before just for the sake of kissing each other – before that, it had always been connected to an action or to something he or I had said, and it had always ended after a few seconds. But this time, neither of us pulled away.

His hand found his way to my face, cupping my cheek gently as he corrected the angle of our kiss, holding me close. I buried my fingers in his shirt, not sure if what I was doing was right, but Sesshōmaru seemed to like it. His other hand came to rest on my hip, pulling me closer and the hot water bottle slipped from my lap, landing on the carpet beneath us.

I gasped as his tongue suddenly demanded entrance and he pulled away, a worried frown on his beautiful face.

“Forgive me,” he said. “I did not mean to-“

I had kissed him again before he could finish the sentence, and finally, he gave in completely, pulling me onto his lap and kissing me hungrily. It was definitely not the way I had thought to be kissed one day, but I could not deny that I liked it. He was rough and gentle at the same time, his tongue parting my lips and dancing with mine as his hands wandered up and down my back, only to cup the back of my head lovingly. “Kami, Rin,” he whispered against my lips, and suddenly I felt something press against my thigh, something that I could very clearly define. I blushed all over and pulled away again, moving back a little to find a position more comfortable for both of us. Only then Sesshōmaru seemed to realise what had happened, and he cleared his throat.

“Forgive me, that was very rude and… unexpected of me,” he said, shifting on his seat. But I quickly grasped his hands.

“Don’t apologise,” I said quietly. “I just… well…” I sighed. “I bet you can guess that I have never been with a man before.”

Sesshōmaru looked at me with a strange expression on my face, as if he was not sure what to make of my statement. “Do you think that bothers me?” He asked eventually, clasping his hands on his lap.

“Well…” I swallowed thickly, looking away from him towards the television. “I bet you have been with lots of women already and you surely have clear expectations. I just don’t know if I will be able to fulfil them all.”

For a moment, he was quiet, and I wondered if he would just get up and leave. But he did no such thing. Instead, he placed his hand on my lower back to get my attention.

“Three,” he said. “I have been with three women.”

I frowned softly, turning my head back to him. He surely could not be serious. I knew human men that had had countless affairs before they even turned thirty.

“One of them was my wife, of course,” he said before I could even open my mouth. “The others were a human woman named Sara, and a lady-in-waiting of my mother that went by the name of Michiko. There have been no others.”

Sesshōmaru pulled me back onto his lap, where I realised that his ‘reaction’ to me had disappeared. Perhaps he was only hiding it well. “If I had only wanted to sleep with you, I would have seduced you already, believe me,” he said, and his beautiful, golden eyes sparkled as he spoke. “I do not care about the amount or lack of experience you have. Why should I.”

I shivered as he touched my leg, but his hand stayed where it was, not moving anywhere inappropriate. “I just thought that you… that you would expect certain things…”

“Stop thinking so much,” Sesshōmaru said. “Whilst I appreciate the fact that you are one of the few people in my life that actually use their brain, you should stop worrying so much about what I think of you. Because I think very highly of you, and only that.”

He kissed me, and for a moment I gave in to it, forgetting about my worries. But they promptly returned as I pulled away to breathe again, and I could not help but ask. “But… do you… do you want me in that way?”

“I do,” he replied calmly, gently grasping my chin. “When you want it as well.”

I blushed all over, shifting nervously on his lap. “I want it, too,” I murmured. “I can’t do it at the moment, though.”

“I am aware of that,” Sesshōmaru said, leaning forward, our foreheads touching. “There is no need to rush it.”

Relieved, I wrapped my arms around his neck and curled up against his chest. “I hope you don’t want me to dress up or something like that.”

“Dress up?”

“Like in a maid’s costume or…”

“Why would I want that?”

“Some men, well…”

“I truly wonder what kind of men you have been talking to, Rin.”

* * *

A few days later, I found myself in the middle of Selfridge’s, feeling slightly lost.

A call had reached Sesshōmaru in the early morning, and had forced him to leave the apartment. But before he had left, he had kissed me awake, and had placed his credit card on my bedside table. He would be gone for the day, he had said, and he wanted me to enjoy myself during his absence. At first, I had refused to even touch his credit card, but Sesshōmaru had made me shut up with another kiss, and the suggestion that I could buy myself a nice dress or a new pair of shoes if I wanted.

And now I stood in the middle of the lingerie department and did not know where to look.

I had not even been aware of the sheer amount of different kinds of underwear that there was. The women around me all seemed incredibly confident, reaching for the pieces that they wanted to try on, laughing and chatting with their friends on their way to the changing rooms. I, however, had no idea where to even begin.

“Can I help you?”

I almost jumped on the spot as a woman approached me, apparently one of the people working in this department. I cleared my throat, hoping that I would not forget all of my English out of sheer nervousness.

“I… I am looking for… something nice,” I stuttered, my face turning a dark red.

The woman smiled. “Yes, I see. For what occasion?”

“For… I have… I am engaged, and…”

“Ah.” The woman nodded. “I understand. You want something special for your fiancé. Please.” She turned around and led me to the other side of the department to less exciting but still very beautiful pieces of underwear. “The key to making a good impression is a matching set of knickers and a bra,” she explained to me. “And if it fits well, we feel confident in our own skin, which is very important. Did you have a certain colour in mind?”

I shook my head. “No, I… I don’t know where to look, you see…”

Fortunately, the assistant seemed to sense my insecurity, and she began to search for various pieces while talking to me about this and that.

“There are many different shapes and sizes, you see, and they all create a different picture. A bralette is something for women with a smaller chest, but if one chooses well, even women with a larger chest can wear them and look good in them. Would you like show a lot of skin or less?”

“Uh…” I followed her with my gaze as she collected piece after piece. “Less, I think.”

After a moment she returned to my side, carrying a pile of different bras and knickers in her arms, all of different shapes, colours, and materials. It was the first time I was shopping for something like this, but for some reason, the woman made me feel better about the whole thing, as if it was something entirely normal – which it was, for most people. For me, it was something entirely new.

I was glad that Sesshōmaru had not come with me that day, otherwise I would have died of embarrassment. The light in the changing room was surprisingly good, and as I put on the first set, I was surprised how acceptable I looked. My new friend, however, was not as pleased as I was.

“Too big,” she said, gesturing at the black bra I was wearing. “It does not make a nice shape. I’ll get you another one.”

That day, I went through at least twenty different bras. Each time I thought I had found a good piece, the assistant would intervene, and hand me another one. Just when I thought that she had run out of bras to give me, she clapped excitedly with her hands. “Oh, look! That one is perfect!”

I looked at myself in the mirror. It was a soft, pink bra made of silk and lace that created an excellent cleavage that I did not know I had, and the knickers were hugging my hips perfectly, hiding even my belly button. Just the way I wanted it.

“I hope my fiancé likes it,” I whispered, turning in front of the mirror. “He has never seen me in my underwear before.”

“What a lucky man he is,” the woman chuckled. “We have this one available in every colour.”

“I think the pink one here is perfect,” I said. “It’s my favourite colour.”

“And it is the right shade to match your skin tone, Miss,” the assistant agreed. “I’ll take it to the till for you if you wish.”

“Yes, thank you,” I said, drawing the curtain again to look at myself once more in private. Would Sesshōmaru like what he saw? Or would he laugh at me for wasting money for something like this?

At the till, I left his credit card in my purse and paid with my own instead, not even daring to look at the price for a second time. It was an expensive purchase, but one I was willing to make. I thanked the assistant for her help, but she only laughed. “Have fun!” She said, winking at me knowingly. I smiled shyly and walked away towards the escalators, the small, yellow bag in my hand containing my very first scandalous little secret.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone here like shopping for underwear? Because I don't. Everything bigger than a C or D is IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND.


	9. To Trust a Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut, ladies and gentlemen! Smut!

I stood in my bathroom, trying to calm down.

Just five minutes ago, Sesshōmaru had offered me to sleep at his side that night.

It had been the most awkward conversation I had had with him so far, held over a cup of tea in the kitchen area of our penthouse. It was already past midnight, and I had not been able to sleep, so I had gone to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea to soothe my nerves. There, I had run into Sesshōmaru, and I had seen him shirtless for the first time.

My mouth had gone dry instantly.

“Are you alright?” He had asked. “Can you not sleep?”

I had shaken my head. “N-no, I… I don’t know why, perhaps it’s just because of the full moon,” I said, trying to look anywhere but at his perfect chest. “I’ll just drink the tea and go back to bed.”

“I see,” he said, taking the cup out of my hands and wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. “Too bad. I was wondering if you wanted to keep me company. Because I cannot sleep either.”

I had blushed all over at his sudden change of behaviour, and a strange warmth began to spread through my lower belly as I found myself pressed against his chest.

“It usually helps me to watch television for a while,” he said. “Something boring. Like the stock exchange or the news. Shall we?”

He gestured at the door of his bedroom, and I followed his gaze, swallowing thickly. “Your… your bedroom?”

“Yes?”

“To… to sleep with you?” I asked, immediately blushing at my poor choice of words. “I mean, at your side!”

“Yes,” Sesshōmaru said. “Only if you don’t mind. We can also stay here, in the living room.”

“No, no, that’s fine!” I assured him quickly, not wanting to give him the impression that I was prudish. “I’ll just go to the bathroom first, yes?”

Sesshōmaru nodded and let go of me, and I rushed back to my bedroom and to the bathroom, reaching for a hairbrush. My hair looked like a bird’s nest again, but I quickly tamed it with a hairband, and fixed my eyebrows with a drop of water. I knew that what I was doing was silly, but it was the first time that I would sleep at his side.

As I returned to my bedroom, my eyes fell onto the small, yellow bag I had left on the chair in the corner. It would be silly to put on the bra, but the knickers would not do any harm, I thought. And so, I quickly pulled my underwear down, tossing it into my open suitcase which I used as a laundry basket before reaching for the incredibly expensive pair of panties. They felt soft on my skin, and I could not deny that they made me feel comfortable with myself, even in my current state. I was wearing one of my nightgowns, and I decided that it would do for the night. Sesshōmaru had already seen me in it, after all, and he had not commented on it.

He was already in bed with a shirt on when I joined him, leaning back against the pillows and following the news. His eyes, however, went to me when I came in, and he pushed back the duvet for me, holding his hand out for me to take. I smiled and climbed into bed next to him, curling up at his side the way I had always done on the sofa.

“Did something happen?” I asked, glancing at the television.

“Not really,” Sesshōmaru sighed, playing with my hair as usual. “Humans killing each other.”

“Nothing new, then,” I murmured, moving a little closer to him, enjoying the warmth that came from his body. “You must have seen many wars.”

He hummed in agreement. “I have. And they were all useless.”

We said nothing for quite a while, watching the news and the weather as the rain began to gently patter against the windows, lulling us in and almost singing us to sleep, like a lullaby. But despite the fact I was tired I could not fall asleep, and neither could Sesshōmaru.

“Did you have a nice day out?” He asked me eventually, his thumb brushing across my cheek. “Did you buy something?”

I swallowed thickly. “Um… well… yes, I went to this shop, Selfridge’s, and…”

“… spent a small fortune,” he added with a smirk.

“Of course not,” I murmured, shaking my head. “I paid with my own money.”

He sighed. “I gave you the credit card for a reason.”

“But I wanted to buy it with my own money,” I defended myself, lifting my head to look at him. Sesshōmaru nodded. “Well, and what did you buy?”

I hesitated, not sure how to tell him that I had bought a pair of knickers and an expensive bra in order to please him as I realised that his hand was calmly resting on my bare thigh. He had probably placed it there subconsciously.

Then and there, I decided to be brave.

Slowly, I took his hand and guided it up my thigh, under my nightgown to the waistband of my panties, never taking my eyes off his face. Sesshōmaru’s reaction to my boldness was priceless. At first, he frowned, opening his mouth to say something, only to frown even deeper while his eyes widened just a little bit, and his eyes began to sparkle with something that I would now define as desire. Back then, I did not know what it meant. But I liked it.

“I bought this,” I said quietly as our hands came to rest on my hip. “And a bra, too. But that one is still in the bag-“ He cut me off by kissing me hard, and I squeaked in surprise at his sudden outburst of passion, but I could not deny that I liked it. His hand was moving freely, brushing my stomach.

“Silk and lace,” Sesshōmaru whispered against my lips. “What a lovely combination.”

“I-“ I breathed, desperate to say something and to keep kissing him at the same time. “I like it too…” His right hand had cupped my cheek as he kissed me, the other hand moving down my stomach slowly and between my thighs, touching me through the thin fabric of my new underwear. I gasped, instinctively squeezing my legs together, trapping his hand where it was.

Sesshōmaru pulled away from the kiss, slightly taken aback. “It seems that I misunderstood-“

“No!” I breathed out, shaking my head. “Sorry, I… I just… I was just surprised that you…”

He brushed over my lips with his thumb, kissing my forehead. “We do not have to rush this, Rin,” he said. “If you do not want this then we will wait.”

“But I want this,” I replied, and to show my good will, I released his hand from my surprisingly tight grip. “I want…. I want you, Sesshōmaru. In every way that there is.”

Sesshōmaru looked down at me for a long moment, a strangely pained expression on his face. He almost looked sad, even. But after a second only it was gone, and his hand came up to my face, stroking my cheek.

“Do you want to sleep with me, Rin?” He asked softly.

I took a deep breath before I nodded, meeting his gaze. “Yes. Tonight.”

Sesshōmaru’s smile was ever so light, but it was there. I knew him well enough already to see the small changes on his face, changes that remained unseen to strangers. He lowered his head a little and kissed me ever so gently, his lips only briefly brushing mine.

“Are you sure?” He asked quietly. “I do not want you to regret anything.”

“Last time I checked I decided these things for myself,” I said with a small frown on my forehead. “And I have made a decision, Sesshōmaru.” I sat up a little, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I want to experience this with you. I… I love you.”

For a moment, my beloved said nothing, only looking at me as if he could not believe my words. But then he lowered his gaze, and to my surprise, he began to smile. “Tell me if there is something you don’t like,” he said as his hand slipped back between my legs, pressing against my sex through the thin fabric of my underwear. I shivered, nodding quickly at his words as he pushed me back down into the pillow and kissed me again, his lips moving slowly with mine while his fingers danced over my body. I was no stranger to such pleasure, and during the last few weeks, I had often wondered what it would feel like if Sesshōmaru did it. But my imagination did not do him justice. Sesshōmaru knew exactly what he was doing, that much became clear to me the moment he began to tease me with his fingers, and a shaky breath escaped my throat. The warmth I had felt in my belly the moment I had seen him shirtless had returned, and instinctively, I moved my hips to meet his touch, desperate for more. Sesshōmaru chuckled against my lips.

“My sweet Rin,” he whispered against my lips, pressing his fingers between my nether lips, my underwear as the only barrier between his touch and my body. “My sweet, beautiful darling.”

I swallowed thickly, my hands holding tightly onto his shirt as he teased me. My brand-new underwear was moist, completely ruined after wearing it only once, but Sesshōmaru did not seem to care. Instead, he pushed the thin fabric aside, running his finger across my sex. I gasped, biting my lower lip.

“I will just take this off,” he murmured and pulled down my knickers. I opened my eyes, only to see something pink land on the floor next to the bed. Sesshōmaru’s hand was buried between my legs, his thumb moving in small circles.

“I should take something off as well,” Sesshōmaru said with a small smile. “It would only be fair.”

I hesitated, but then I reached for his shirt, pulling it over his head to reveal his perfectly sculptured chest. My mouth went dry instantly, and I could not help but stare at his sheer perfection. But before I could say anything, his fingers had entered me, and I gasped in surprise at the sudden intrusion.

“Does this hurt?” I heard him ask, and he stilled in his movements. “Rin? Are you well?”

I nodded quickly, taking a deep breath as I sank back into the pillows and closed my eyes. “Yes… I’m fine…” I whispered, burying my hands in his hair as I tried to relax. And so, Sesshōmaru continued.

Never would I have dared to imagine something as wonderful as this. Sesshōmaru knew exactly what he was doing, and he moved his fingers slowly inside me while his thumb massaged me, increasing the warmth in my lower belly as it spread through my entire body. Nothing he did hurt me, and after a while, I managed to relax completely, enjoying the feeling of his fingers inside me and his lips on my neck.

“Rin,” he whispered against my skin. “I do not have protection with me.”

“I don’t care,” I replied softly, gently fondling his hair.

“You could conceive a child,” he murmured into my ear, curling his fingers inside me, making me gasp.

“I… I couldn’t,” I breathed. “I… I just had my… I cannot become pregnant so soon after… ah…” Whatever it was I had wanted to say was wiped from my mind as I clenched around his fingers, and I found pure bliss in his embrace.

I did not know for how long I lay there, unable to say a word, basking in the afterglow of my lust. Never before had I reached an orgasm because of another person, let alone in the arms of a man. But Sesshōmaru was patient, and he kissed down my face to my lips, my jawbone, and my neck. He had already withdrawn his hand from my sex, leaving me desperate for more as he reached under my nightgown, brushing my breasts with his fingertips.

“Are you sure?” Sesshōmaru asked softly once I had opened my eyes again. “That you cannot become pregnant.”

I nodded, unable to speak in that moment, still overwhelmed by the pleasure he had given me. And so, I held still as he pulled the nightgown over my head and tossed it aside, lowering his head to kiss my breasts tenderly while he took off his own underwear. I could not see what he was doing – his lower body was covered by the thick duvet, and we had turned the lights off when we had gone to bed. The only source of light was the television in the corner, to which we had stopped paying attention to since the moment he had kissed me. But the light was comforting, and it did not bother me.

Sesshōmaru was hovering over me, cupping my cheek with his hand. “You are beautiful, my darling,” he said, his thumb brushing across my cheekbone. “So beautiful.”

I hummed softly against his lips as he kissed me, pulling him closer as I felt his manhood touch my thigh. Although I had been sure that I would be afraid once the moment had come, I found that I was not. I felt safe and loved in Sesshōmaru’s arms, and he was nothing but gentle with me. I felt his hand on my thigh, parting my legs carefully as he settled between them, pressing into me slowly. I gasped, realising that this was in no way comparable to the feeling of his fingers, but I forced myself to remain calm, holding onto him as he claimed me. But with each second that passed, and the deeper he went, the burning sensation between my legs became stronger, and I felt the tears prickle in my eyes.

“Stop, I… I can’t,” I breathed, my nails digging into his shoulders. Sesshōmaru immediately paused, rubbing my thigh. “It hurts,” I whispered. “I can’t…”

But Sesshōmaru cut me off, kissing my lips gently as he reached for a pillow and shoved it under my hips, changing the angle effectively and sinking deeper into me. I blinked in surprise as the burning sensation slowly vanished, making room for nothing but a slight discomfort of which I knew that it was normal.

Sesshōmaru pushed my hair out of my face, gently caressing my hip with his free hand. “Better?” He asked.

I nodded shyly, too overwhelmed by the fact I was actually sleeping with him.

“Good,” he said, kissing my temple gently. “Sometimes, a little change of the angle is all it takes.” And then, he wrapped his arms around me and held me close, burying his face in my hair as his hands stroked my bare back in the most loving way. I had expected him to begin to move, but he did not. Instead, I realised, he gave me the time I needed to get used to the new feeling of having him inside me, which felt strange and incredibly wonderful at the same time.

I turned my head to kiss his cheek, playing gently with his silver hair. “You can move,” I said quietly, and he lifted his head to meet my gaze.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his voice strangely low and rough.

I nodded.

Sesshōmaru’s shifted lightly on top of me, gently wrapping his arm around my leg as he began to move slowly, looking down at me and studying my face as he did so. His gaze alone was enough to send shivers down my spine. The golden eyes that I had admired from the very beginning had changed, they had become darker, and I even believed to see a red sparkle in them. But above all, the fact he was looking at me during the act was incredibly comforting, and I raised my hand, gently touching his cheek as his thrusts brought back the blissful feeling of before and I moaned softly, leaning into his touch as he claimed me as his.

I had always found Sesshōmaru to be incredibly handsome, but I had never found him more beautiful than in this moment. A soft blush adorned his pale cheeks as he moved inside me, and as I cupped his face he captured my lips, kissing me tenderly while the pace of his thrusts slowly increased, causing me to gasp each time he hit a certain spot inside me. It did not take him long to make me sing once more, and as he suddenly stiffened and groaned into my mouth I realised that he had found relief, that it was over, and that it had been absolutely wonderful.

We did not speak for several minutes, just resting in each other’s arms as the thunderstorm hit London with full force. But with him at my side, I was not scared. With Sesshōmaru, I could become the person I had always wanted to be. Strong and confident.

I curled up in his embrace, resting my head on his chest as I yawned, and he nuzzled my hair, pulling the duvet up to cover my body, to keep me warm.

“Yes,” I murmured sleepily.

“Hm?” He asked, rubbing my arm. “What is it?”

“I’ll marry you,” I said with a small yawn.

The last thing I felt were his lips on my forehead, and a whispered “Thank you” before I drifted off to sleep.


	10. Above the Clouds

The car was going fast on our way to the airport, the distance between us and London becoming bigger with each minute that passed. Today was the day we would leave England behind and return to Japan. The last time I had been to Japan, I had been an orphan, working as a caretaker for an old woman. Now I would return as a wife.

I looked down at my hands, playing absentmindedly with my wedding ring as I thought of the last few days. We had gotten married just three days after I had slept with Sesshōmaru for the first time. The registrar’s office of Mayfair was one of the few that agreed to perform ceremonies between humans and yōkai, and as we were the only couple asking for it, a free slot was offered to us in a timely manner. The ceremony itself had been short but beautiful, with only the two of us present. I did not have a family anymore, and Sesshōmaru had had a big wedding before and wanted a private ceremony only. He had looked incredibly handsome in his dark suit and his hair up in a high ponytail, and as he had said his vows, I had wondered when I would wake up from this dream, only to find myself in my bed in Sapporo again. But it was not a dream. It was all real, and I was actually getting married.

I had found my dress in a shop beyond the expensive boutiques of Bond Street that Sesshōmaru had suggested. It was beautiful, made of cotton and white lace, and ended just above my knees. A ballgown wedding dress would not have been suitable, and I was perfectly happy with the one I got. The only luxury I allowed myself was a visit to the hairdresser, who created a small masterpiece on my head for the special occasion. It had been definitely worth it. The moment I entered the registrar’s office to meet Sesshōmaru, I had seen him speechless for the very first time. And then, he had taken my hands and kissed my lips, and he had called me beautiful.

That night, he had made me see the stars in his arms.

Sesshōmaru was talking on his phone next to me, seeming slightly annoyed as he spoke to someone in Japanese. I knew that it was best to not disturb him in moments like these. It seemed that absolutely everyone annoyed him except for me.

“Yes. Good. I expect this to be done when we return.” He hung up and sighed deeply, shaking his head. “I’m surrounded by imbeciles…”

I reached out and touched his hand gently. “Is everything alright?” I asked.

“Of course,” he assured me, patting my hand lightly. “Just arrangements for our arrival.”

“Oh. I see.” I still did not know what would await me once we arrived in Ine, and Sesshōmaru would not tell me, as he wanted it to be a surprise. “You know that you do not have to plan anything just for my sake,” I murmured.

“I’m not planning anything,” Sesshōmaru said and brought my hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to it. “I just want the house to be ready for its new mistress.”

I blushed deeply. “Don’t say that,” I said. “You know that I don’t like that… that title.”

“But it is the truth,” Sesshōmaru said softly. “You are my wife, and therefore, the lady of Ine. A few centuries ago, they would have called you many more things. But today, you are just the Lady of Ine, and the Lady of the West.”

I still found it difficult to get used to this title that meant absolutely nothing to humans but everything to yōkai. Sesshōmaru had explained everything to me about it on our wedding night, as we had rested in each other’s arms. Over the centuries, the weakest and most violent yōkai had become extinct, but those that had survived, such as kitsune, spirits, wolves, and of course daiyōkai, were ruled by the Authority, which consisted of powerful and ancient yōkai of the North, South, West, and East. And Sesshōmaru was the one responsible for the West. By marrying him, I had formally become his lady, and although that title did not hold any power, it would make people respect me. At least that was what Sesshōmaru had said.

I felt Sesshōmaru’s lips on my temple, and I leant against him with a small sigh. We had been out all day, and I was tired from walking through London. But I was sure that I would not get much sleep on the plane. I did not even want to think of the uncomfortable seats, and being trapped in them for eleven hours.

“Have I already told you that you look lovely today?” I heard him whisper into my hair, and his words made me blush as I instinctively pulled down my skirt to my knees. One day after our wedding, he had taken me into town for some shopping, and he had almost ordered me to buy at least ten new pieces. Among them was the dress I was wearing now. It was of a bright yellow with a floral pattern on the top, and I had mainly chosen it because it was incredibly comfortable. At first, I had been worried that it would make me look childish, but Sesshōmaru had approved of it immediately.

“There’s no reason to be embarrassed,” he chuckled, kissing the top of my head gently. “I mean it. You look lovely today.”

“Thank you,” I said, intertwining our fingers. “Although you really did not have to pay for my clothes.”

“I am your husband, remember?” Sesshōmaru said with a small smile. “My money is your money. And to be honest, I have far too much of it. I won’t be able to spend it all. So I might as well use it to spoil my beautiful wife.”

I giggled and he kissed me gently, pulling me closer for another moment of innocent intimacy before we arrived at the airport. The last time I had been at Heathrow, the crowds had scared me. But this time, I was not alone and responsible for someone. Sesshōmaru held my hand firmly in his, ignoring the curious looks of the people around us as he led me to the check-in desk to get our boarding passes. But much to my surprise, we were able to skip the queue completely, and instead of going to the ordinary security checks, we were taken down a hallway to a part of the airport of that I had not even known that it existed.

“Where are we going?” I asked in confusion as there were no other passengers around.

“To my plane, of course,” Sesshōmaru said.

I stopped in my tracks, causing Sesshōmaru to stop walking as well. I stared at him with wide eyes. “Your plane?”

Sesshōmaru frowned a little. “Yes,” he said. “I did tell you that I own a plane, did I not?”

I could only shake my head at that. Sesshōmaru realised that he had missed this very important detail, and he cleared his throat in slight embarrassment. “Well, yes. I own a plane. I use it whenever I go abroad, as I hate sharing a cabin with people that would only stare at me for the duration of the flight.”

He took a step towards me, taking my hand firmly into his. “I hope you are not afraid of flying.”

I blinked in confusion, shaking my head. “No, of course not,” I said slowly. “I just… did not think that you would have a plane of your own. Do you fly it yourself?”

Sesshōmaru laughed at that, bringing my hand to his lips to kiss it. “No. I don’t fly it myself. Although I can fly on my own. I’ll show you when we are home.” He put his hand on my back and gently pushed me towards the glass doors that led to the airfield where an impressive private plane was already waiting for us.

“Come, we must not linger,” Sesshōmaru said as we approached the staircase where the pilot was already waiting for us, bowing respectfully to us as we came closer. Sesshōmaru greeted the man casually, briefly introducing me as his wife before he ascended the stairs. I followed him shyly, trying to stay calm as I saw that a Japanese stewardess was standing at the top of the stairs, smiling at us and bowing lowly to greet us.

“Takano-san, it is good to see you,” Sesshōmaru said to the woman. “This is my wife. Has everything been arranged for our flight?”

“Yes, Mylord,” Takano said politely. “We hope that it will all be satisfactory for you and her ladyship.” I blushed deeply as she called me a lady, fighting against the urge to hide behind my husband. But Sesshōmaru did not seem to be bothered by her choice of words.

“Good,” he said and stepped into the plane, already taking off his jacket. I smiled shyly at the stewardess named Takano, then followed him inside.

The interior of the plane reminded me more of a living room than an actual plane. There were only four seats in total, two to our left and two to our right with a table between each pair. A large television would ensure entertainment, and I was sure that the plane even had wi-fi.

“The bathroom is over there, Mylady,” Takano said suddenly, leading me down the plane towards a white door. “If you wish to take a shower, please wait for another hour, as the water needs to be heated up first.”

I nodded shyly, overwhelmed by the sheer luxury of the plane as Sesshōmaru appeared from behind a curtain. “We should take our seats,” he said. “We are ready to depart.”

Takano took my purse from me and put it away as I took a seat by the window and fastened my seatbelt, clasping my hands on my lap. Sesshōmaru took a seat opposite of me, running a hand through his hair. He seemed completely relaxed, albeit a little tired. He was probably as exhausted as I was.

The plane began to move, and I closed my eyes with a small sigh. I was finally going home, after months of being away. Never would I have dared to think that I would return not as a caretaker, but as the wife of a man like Sesshōmaru. My life had taken so many different turns within the past few weeks that even I found it hard to keep track of all the events. But I only had to trust in the gods. Everything would be fine. That was what my mother had always said.

Only as I felt the pressure change in my ears I realised that we were flying, and I opened my eyes again. Sesshōmaru was looking out of the window with the same forlorn expression that he had had when we had been up the London Eye. It still worried me deeply, and instinctively, I reached out for his hand.

“Are you hungry?” He asked suddenly, turning his head towards me again. The strange expression on his face was gone again.

 I shook my head lightly. “No, I’m still full from dinner,” I said and suppressed a yawn, but Sesshōmaru noticed it nonetheless.

“Wait until we have reached our designated level,” he said. “I’ll show you the bedroom then.”

I nodded, leaning back in my seat again as I watched us rise higher and higher, the United Kingdom becoming smaller with every second that passed. I was not sure if we would ever return to London – perhaps on our wedding anniversary. If money truly was not an important factor to Sesshōmaru, then we would surely travel a lot. For now, however, I was looking forward to coming home to Japan.

With my husband at my side.

I had almost drifted off to sleep in my seat as Sesshōmaru gently shook me and pulled me to my feet. “I will show you the bedroom.”

I yawned and followed him to a door behind the television that apparently led to the bedroom. It was the first time that I was on a plane like this, and therefore, I had no idea what to expect. But as Sesshōmaru opened the door and took me inside, I realised it did not really differ much from a hotel room. The bed was a little smaller than the one we had shared at the hotel, but it looked just as comfortable, and I sighed in relief at the sight of the fluffy pillows.

“Takano-san has put your bag over there,” Sesshōmaru said, gesturing to a cupboard next to the bed as he sat down on the mattress and took off his shoes. Apparently, he was planning to get some sleep as well. I took the bag and opened it, pulling out my nightgown and my toothbrush, placing them on the bedside table before I began to undress. I folded my cardigan carefully and put it away, reaching back to grasp the zip of my dress – which promptly became stuck.

“Sesshōmaru, could you…?” I said, turning around to him, gesturing at my back. He got up and stood behind me, tugging on the misbehaving zip until it became loose again, pulling it down and letting the dress slip from my shoulders. “Thank you,” I murmured, but Sesshōmaru did not let go of me. Instead, he pressed a light kiss to my shoulder.

“Is that the new bra you told me about?” He asked calmly, his fingers playing with the hooks.

“Hm?” Just then I realised that I was indeed wearing the pink bra.

“I thought so,” Sesshōmaru murmured, opening the bra singlehandedly. “Your bosom had a very enticing shape under that dress, you see. That made me curious.” He wrapped his arms around my middle and pulled me against his chest, cupping my breasts through the soft fabric of the bra. I leaned against him and into his touch, closing my eyes. I had learnt quickly to trust him, and I had never found the motivation to decline his advances so far. No matter how tired I was.

“I must admit this is a first time for me, too,” I heard him whisper into my ear as his left hand moved down my belly and into my knickers. “I’ve never done it that high up in the air.”

“N-no?” I whispered, parting my legs a little to make it easier for him.

“Not even once,” Sesshōmaru murmured, beginning to stroke my flesh. Once more, he had numbed his claws, although I was determined to ask him to stop doing so. I wanted to feel them on my skin, I wanted to feel them inside me. But oh, I was too shy to ask.

“Th-then this is a first for both of us,” I sighed, turning my head to kiss him on the lips. Sesshōmaru hummed into my mouth, pulling me with him towards the bed. The dress lay forgotten on the floor, and I was sure we would not pick it up until it was time to land.

The mattress was incredibly soft as Sesshōmaru put me down on the bed and climbed over me, not breaking our kiss for even a second as he unbuttoned his shirt and removed his trousers with my help, tossing them over his shoulder to have them join my dress.

“Are you sure Takano-san won’t hear us,” I breathed as he removed my bra and then reached down to take off my panties.

“I don’t care if she hears us,” Sesshōmaru hummed, kissing down to my neck and cupping my breast with his hand while his other hand searched for something in the drawer of the bedtable. “Where are those damned things…”

I opened my eyes, following his hand with my gaze as I remembered the embarrassing trip to the shops in order to buy condoms. Neither I nor Sesshōmaru were keen on accidentally becoming parents at this stage of our relationship, and so, he had bought a box the morning following our first time together.

“Ah,” he smiled triumphantly, shutting the drawer again before he reached down between our bodies to put it on. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t feel the difference,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull his head down to kiss him on the lips.

“Good,” he smirked, capturing my lips in a passionate kiss as he pushed into me, causing me to gasp in surprise. Although I was not a virgin anymore, and although I had slept with him a considerable amount of times now, I still had not gotten used to his size. But with each time, we had learnt to listen to each other, and Sesshōmaru would lift up my hips each time to make sure I was not in pain. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waist, shifting until the burning sensation passed, only to feel a cushion under my hips a moment later. “So good,” I whispered between kisses as he began to move inside me. “This feels so… so good… oh…”

I did not know how he did it, but with every thrust I forgot more of the world around us, focusing on the pleasure only. Sesshōmaru was indeed a terrific lover, and I could not help but wonder what I had done to deserve a man like him. A yōkai like him. He was moving in a steady pace, groaning into my neck as his hips slammed against mine, pushing me deeper into the mattress.

I was sure that the stewardess was able to hear us – the wall between the bedroom and the main area of the plane was not very thick, and we were not exactly trying to remain silent. Sesshōmaru groaned louder and deeper with each thrust, his nails digging into my waist almost too deeply. And with every second that passed, it became more difficult for me to keep my voice down as well. Suddenly, Sesshōmaru lowered his head, taking my breast into his mouth, sucking on the sensitive skin.

“F-fuck!” I gasped, shocked at my choice of words, but Sesshōmaru only chuckled and continued with his treatment for me, continuously thrusting into me until I could not take it any longer and I cried out in pleasure, moaning his name. It did not take him long to follow, and as he suddenly stiffened above me, his heels digging into the mattress, I knew that he had come, too. But unlike me, he was completely silent as he reached his climax, only gasping as he came to rest on top of me, burying his face in my neck. A typical yōkai gesture, he had said.

After a few minutes he lay down beside me, stretching out on the mattress with a yawn. “You said you wanted to sleep,” he murmured, turning his head to look at me. “And I shamelessly interrupted your plans.”

I smiled, moving closer to him to rest my head on his chest. “A welcome interruption that was,” I said softly and closed my eyes, forgetting about my nightgown and toothbrush as my husband pulled the duvet over us, humming a soft lullaby as I drifted off to sleep.


	11. Journey's End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens! And Rin makes a new discovery.

It was chilly when we landed in Haneda the next day, and I was grateful for the coat that Sesshōmaru had bought me in London on our last day. I wrapped it tightly around myself as we descended the stairs to the airfield where a car was already waiting for us. It was one of the expensive kind, and very elegant. Much to my surprise, there was no driver, but as I turned to Sesshōmaru, he had already opened the door of the passenger seat for me.

“I will drive,” he said. “It will take us about seven hours to get to Ine, but I hope that you will not mind.”

I shook my head. “Of course not,” I assured him and got into the car, my eyes widening at the sight of the luxurious interior. But that was something I had to get used to – after all, I had married a man who did not care about money, and who even owned a private plane. My life would be very different from now on, and I had to accept that.

Once our suitcases had been loaded into the boot of the car Sesshōmaru got in as well, settling on the driver’s seat with a sigh. “Finally,” he murmured and reached into the glovebox, pulling out a hairband. I frowned, watching as he put his hair up in a loose bun to have it out of the way for the drive. To this day, it is one of my most favourite looks of him, and each time he wears his hair like that, I can’t help but kiss his neck.

But back then, I was too shy to even think of such a thing.

Sesshōmaru turned the keys and started the motor, carefully driving us down the airfield and out to the streets of Japan that would eventually take us home. To Ine.

I had forgotten how busy Japan’s motorways could be. But now that I was back in the country of my birth I remembered everything, and the sheer flood of cars and people overwhelmed me. But at least, we were in the sanctuary of our own car, and not stuck in a crowded train like many others.

Sesshōmaru’s hand touched mine, intertwining our fingers gently as we drove past the skyscrapers of Tokyo, and away from the masses. I lifted my gaze, looking over at my husband as he steered the car through Japan’s capital with ease.

“I thought that it would be better to take the car instead of flying directly to Kyōto,” he said. “We will get to see more of the countryside like this. And you can rest a little here in the car before we arrive at our home, just in time for dinner.”

I nodded, touched by these small gestures of kindness that he showed me. Although we had known each other for a short time only, he already knew that I did not like crowded spaces like trains, and that I liked to spent my days in peace and quiet instead of one excitement right after the other. Driving to Ine would also give us the opportunity to spend some more time alone before I had to face my new life and my new home – something that terrified me still. But I would be brave for his sake. I wanted to be happy with him, and, above everything else, I wanted my husband to be happy. I had seen this terrible, lost look on his face twice already, and I did not want to see it again.

But I could not help but wonder what it had to be like for him, to return to Ine after the death of his wife. All I knew about her was that she had been a yōkai, just like him, and that she had drowned.

_“And when a yōkai like her dies the way she did, it raises some questions.”_

That was what Kaede had said. And it was true – it was very unlikely for yōkai to die of such a cause. Most yōkai died of old age nowadays, or they were sentenced to death by the Authority. But drowning was not on the list of the top death causes for yōkai. The elements hardly bothered them, after all. They were not as fragile as humans. As fragile as I was.

Did Sesshōmaru miss her a lot?

He most likely did.

“Are you well?” I heard him ask, and his voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Yes,” I said with a small nod. “I have just been thinking. It feels nice to be back.”

“I agree,” Sesshōmaru said. “Yōkai are much more common in Japan than elsewhere. No one bats an eye. When was the last time you were here?”

“About a year ago,” I told him, thinking back to my travels with Kaede. “Before we went to London we stayed in Venice. And before that, we were travelling through France, Germany, and Belgium.”

“Kaede seems to be an extraordinary woman,” he said. “Very different from most women of her age.”

“I hope she is happy now,” I said softly, playing with the sleeve of my coat. “With her daughter and her grandchildren.”

“I’m sure that she is,” Sesshōmaru said, kissing my hand lightly.

“You should focus on the road.”

“I know what I’m doing, Rin, don’t worry.”

We turned the radio on, listening to music for a while before I drifted off to sleep again, exhausted from the long flight despite the fact I had managed to get a few hours of rest in Sesshōmaru’s arms. But after a few hours, he had suddenly woken up, and he had sat up in bed beside me, his eyes wide in terror for a moment. It had been as if he had not recognised me. But then, after a split second, he had gone back to normal.

I had not slept well after that.

But now, Sesshōmaru seemed as relaxed as ever, and I allowed myself to doze off for a while.

It was already late in the afternoon when I woke again, and the landscape around us had changed. We had arrived in the Kyōto prefecture, and it was all very green and very beautiful. Just the way I remembered it.

I yawned and stretched out on my seat, pushing my hair out of my face as I rubbed my eyes. Sesshōmaru glanced at me.

“Feeling better?” He asked. “You looked lovely asleep.”

I blushed. “Yes, I’m feeling better,” I mumbled. “Do we have some water in here?”

“Yes, in the door pocket, I believe,” Sesshōmaru said. “I asked for some bottles of water for the car.”

I nodded and began to search in the door pocket for a bottle, but what I found there first was a small book, about the size of my hand. I frowned, opening it to find a collection of what seemed to be poetry, all of it written in kanji and a hiragana translation. I went back to the front page, reading the title. It was ancient Japanese poetry of all dynasties, and just below the title, someone had left a note. The handwriting was very elegant, and yet, it possessed a certain confidence, as if it had been written by someone of power and status.

_For Sessh,_

_from Kagura._

I froze on my seat.

“What did you find there?” Sesshōmaru asked, glancing down at the book. “Oh, that. I must have left it in there. I do not use this car very often, you see.” He reached into the door pocket on his side, pulling out a bottle of water. “Here. You must be thirsty.”

I took the bottle and drank a few sips, the words that I had just read ringing in my head. _For Sessh, from Kagura._ Kagura. There was no doubt that this was the name of his late wife.

It had probably been a gift, one that he had liked very much, I assumed, judging by what I already knew about him. He was very fond of the arts, and that surely included poetry. Ancient poetry, even. He had probably been around when it had been written, and she had given this book to him to remind him of these days. Days that they had most likely spent in each other’s company, and in love.

I had not noticed that we had stopped, but as I looked up again, I found the car parked at a resting stop, next to a small petrol station and a restaurant.

“We have been driving for hours,” Sesshōmaru said. “I need to refuel, and we should stretch our legs.”

He got out of the car and was on my side within the blink of an eye, holding the door open for me. I shoved the book into my purse and got out as well, taking a deep breath of the chilly air as I stretched my muscles. We had been sitting in the car for hours indeed, and it felt good to stand and walk again. But with the book in my purse, it felt as if I was carrying around a brick.

“There is a toilet over there if you need it,” Sesshōmaru said as he began to refuel the car.

I nodded, my legs automatically taking me to the shopping area of the petrol station and towards the toilet doors. I barely paid attention to the people I was walking past, heading straight towards the first empty cabin.

But I did not flush immediately once I had pulled up my skirt again. For some reason, I reached into my purse again and pulled out the small book, opening it to look at the front page, and at the elegant handwriting.

She surely had been a very powerful yōkai. Beautiful like all of them, strong, intelligent, and a perfect match to Sesshōmaru. They surely had had a lot in common. Over the centuries, they had probably become very close, and she had been his soulmate, his confidant in every matter.

They had laughed together, lived together, fought together, slept together. And then, one day, she had given him this book as a gift, with her own, personal note on the front page.

She had called him Sessh.

And I had to call him Sesshōmaru.

* * *

 

After buying some sandwiches at the petrol station we had returned to the motorway again, and Ine came closer with every minute that passed. The landscape had changed, too. The closer we came to the coast, the wilder nature seemed to become. It all seemed untamed, untouched even, as if this was a magical place where humankind had no say. It almost seemed like a mystical place.

According to Sesshōmaru, a peaceful demon named Rōyakan was the guardian of the forests that surrounded Ine, and that there was no reason to be afraid of him – and that I would most likely get to meet Rōyakan sooner or later, as he liked to call himself a loyal ally to Sesshōmaru. I had met very few yōkai before I had met Sesshōmaru, and although I was not afraid of them, I respected them. Especially the ones that protected us.

“There won’t be much to do when we get there,” Sesshōmaru assured me as we drove past a sign that declared that Ine was just 10 miles away. “Just dinner and then we can go to bed. Or I can show you some parts of the house, whatever you like. We won’t be able to see it all in one go, I’m afraid. It simply is too big for that.”

“I see,” I said, nervously playing with the hem of my skirt.

“Is anything the matter?” Sesshōmaru asked with a small frown. “You have been very quiet.”

Was I that easy to read?

“I’m just a little nervous,” I said. “Don’t mind me. I will be-“

But the sound of his phone interrupted us, and as Sesshōmaru glanced at the screen, he rolled his eyes, but took the call nonetheless.

“What do you want,” he said to the person on the other end. “Yes. I don’t care what it says but if you must know, it is true. Yes. Yes.” He sighed in annoyance. “If you must.”

He hung up without saying goodbye, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“My brother’s wife,” Sesshōmaru replied.

I blinked.

“You… you have a brother?”

Sesshōmaru looked at me with a deep, confused frown. “I do. I did tell you that, did I not?”

I shook my head.

“Oh. I see.” Sesshōmaru cleared his throat. “So, yes, I have a brother. He is a hanyō, though, and married to a human woman named Kagome. She heard about our wedding – god knows where – and she asked if she could come to visit.”

I sank back into my seat, trying to process all the new information. “What is your brother’s name?” I asked after a moment.

“Inuyasha,” my husband murmured. “We are not very close, if you must know. But I will not stop you from… befriending him or his wife.” He glanced at me for a moment. “She is a good woman, although I hate to admit that. She’ll help you to settle in.”

And suddenly, after a few turns, we found ourselves in the outskirts of Ine and on a long, winding road that led up a hill to what seemed to be a mansion.

My new home.

But to my surprise, all the lights were on, and as we came closer, I spotted at least a dozen people in the entrance hall.

Sesshōmaru began to curse under his breath. “I told her not to do that,” he sighed as he parked the car in front of the house and turned to me. “It seems that our housekeeper decided to have the staff wait on us to greet us in what she would call ‘an appropriate fashion’. It won’t take long, yes? There is no reason to be nervous. You are their lady.”

I couldn’t do anything else but nod.

A moment later Sesshōmaru had opened the door of the car for me, holding his hand out for me to take, and as I followed him out and up the stairs, I had no idea of what was lying ahead of us.


	12. Ine

It was, at first, not as bad as I had thought.

About a dozen men and women were waiting for us in the foyer of the house I would call my home, bowing lowly to us as we entered. I was relieved to see that the majority of them were human, men and women of all kinds of ages dressed in a way appropriate for their jobs. A group of women in black dresses with white aprons stood by the doors, smiling politely as they bowed their heads in greeting. They were, most likely, the housemaids, responsible for keeping the place clean and tidy. Next to them stood four men dressed in rather casual clothing – which was no surprise. After all, it was past eight already, and I was sure that these people were usually at home at this time of the day.

“Sesshōmaru!” A friendly voice said, and a young man emerged from the group of servants, stepping forward to greet Sesshōmaru with a warm handshake. “It’s so good to see you again.”

“Asahi,” Sesshōmaru said, and for the first time, I saw him smile genuinely at another person that was not me. He shook the man’s hand in greeting and said: “Rin, this is Asahi, the administrator of my estate, and an old friend of mine.”

Asahi turned to me and bowed lowly. “Good evening, Mylady,” he said as he raised his head again, and I immediately realised that he was one of the jovial kind, and always in a good mood. But the closer I looked at him the more I realised that he was a yōkai, too, with golden eyes and pointy ears, just like Sesshōmaru. His hair, however, was black and short, which gave him a more human appearance. “If you have any questions, do not hesitate to come to me.”

I nodded shyly. “It is nice to meet you, Asahi-san,” I said with a small smile and the other man stepped back to make room for the others that had come to greet us.

It seemed that they were all genuinely glad to welcome us. One of the maids seemed to be new, and as Sesshōmaru noticed that, he greeted her personally and told her that he hoped she would like her job. The maid in question blushed as he suddenly spoke to her, but she nodded and bowed her head politely as she assured him that she would work hard. Seeing Sesshōmaru like that was new to me. Here, he was the master of the house and these people had to follow his orders, but the power dynamics that I had expected did not seem to apply. Sesshōmaru seemed to be a good and just employer, and that showed in the way these people greeted him.

Eventually, he turned around to me again and put his hand on my back to present me to his servants.

“This is my wife,” he said in a deep, calm voice. “Please make sure that she feels at home here.”

“Yes, Mylord,” they all said in one voice and bowed again as suddenly, a tall, dark figure emerged from the shadows. A cold shiver ran down my spine, and for a moment, I was sure that I was looking at a ghost.

A woman had stepped into the light, but her appearance was so unusual that I could not help but stare at her. She was tall and slim, almost skinny even, dressed in a rather formal black kimono as if she were in mourning. Her skin was as white as snow, a stark contrast against the dark colour of her clothing. The most terrifying aspect about her, however, were the dark red eyes that sat deep in their sockets, right above her hollow, pale cheeks.

“This is our housekeeper, Zhong Lin,” Sesshōmaru said, introducing me to the other woman.

The woman bowed to us both respectfully, clasping her pale, bony hands as she raised her head again. “I will ask one of the girls to take care of your possessions until your maid arrives, Mylady,” she said to me, her voice strangely slow and drawn-out.

I blushed. “I… I don’t have a maid,” I said quietly, and I immediately knew that she was judging me.

“My wife is tired,” Sesshōmaru said before the other woman could say anything else. “Have the rooms been prepared?”

“Yes, Mylord, as requested by you,” Zhong Lin replied with a firm nod. “The rooms in the east wing have been renovated, to function as bedrooms for you and the… gracious lady.”

“Excellent,” Sesshōmaru said. “Then please take her there so she can get changed.” He turned to me again and kissed my forehead, which caused the maids to gasp in surprise. “I have to discuss some things with Asahi first. I shall see you at dinner. Asahi?”

He had let go of me again, walking down the hall with Asahi, who had promptly pulled out a few papers from the pocket of his jacket and began to show them to Sesshōmaru.

“Mylady.”

I turned my head to find Zhong Lin stand on the other side of the foyer, apparently waiting for me. Quickly, I took my shoes off and left them in the foyer, following the older woman down the hall. I had not expected to be separated from Sesshōmaru just a few minutes after our arrival, but I had to pull myself together. I was not a baby anymore. This was to be my home!

Neither I nor Zhong Lin spoke a single word as we walked – she did not speak because it was not her place to do so, whereas I did not speak because I was terrified of her. I had never seen a person so frightening before, and the fact that she was, without any doubt, a yōkai of some sort, did not help at all. Something about her worried me, but back then, I did not know what it was. From behind, she looked like an ordinary woman in her late fifties. But the way she held herself and the pointed shape of her ears indicated that she was anything but human. She wore her dark hair in a tight topknot, which made her seem even stricter.

Perhaps this was just the way she was, I thought to myself. That did not have to mean that she meant any harm.

After what seemed to be an endless corridor we suddenly stopped, and Zhong Lin slid a pair of shoji doors open to lead me into my bedroom.

I had expected a traditional bedchamber with low furniture and a futon, but instead, I was stepping into a rather modern room. The dark, wooden floor had been polished, just like the furniture that seemed to reflect every single sparkle of light. A large bed stood in the centre of the room, one of the kind that foreigners liked to call a Japanese futon – whereas in reality, it was just a low bed. The windows were modern, too, but they blended in perfectly with the otherwise traditional design of the house.

“This is very beautiful,” I said softly as I stepped into the room and looked around in awe. A beautiful painting had been put on the wall above the bed, showing a traditional scenery of a world long forgotten. Knowing Sesshōmaru, I assumed that it was probably an original, and incredibly valuable. Something that was meant to be kept in a museum, and not in my bedroom.

“I am glad that it is to your liking, Mylady,” Zhong Lin said from her spot near the door. “The bedroom of his lordship is on the other side of the hallway.”

I tried not to show that the fact we had two bedrooms confused me a little. I didn’t want to make a scene in front of this woman, no, I wanted to appear confident and strong. But that was easier said than done in the company of a woman that scared me to the bone.

“Your clothes will be put away for you while you are having dinner, Mylady,” Zhong Lin said as I put my handbag down on the dressing table. “A maid will take care of that.”

I nodded, turning around to Zhong Lin in an attempt to appear brave. But the moment I looked her in the eye I felt like a child again, as if I was about to be reprimanded. “About the maid,” I said slowly. “I really don’t need a maid.”

“For a woman of your station it is perfectly normal to have a maid, Mylady,” Zhong Lin said with a small, emotionless smile. “You will need someone to take care of your personal belongings so that these tasks may not interrupt your daily routine.”

“Oh, I…” I wanted to tell her that I was perfectly capable of taking care of my things myself, but I did not want to appear ungrateful or rude. This was an entirely new world for me, and these people had different values from mine. I had to adapt, at least to some degree. “Then… then could you try to find a maid for me? Just a girl from Ine, perhaps, that needs a job…”

“Very good, Mylady,” Zhong Lin said with a nod. “Dinner will be served in the dining room in fifteen minutes. There are clothes for you in the wardrobe should you wish to get changed. The bathroom is right here, through this door.” She bowed her head politely before she left again, closing the door quietly.

I exhaled deeply, sitting down on the chair by the dressing table to calm myself. What was I so afraid of? This woman was just the housekeeper, nothing else. She only worked here. And I lived here. This was my home now. The home I shared with the man I loved.

There was no reason to be afraid.

I rose from the chair and went to the wardrobe, only to find a rather big selection of clothes for all occasions in it that were definitely not mine. But all of them were brand-new, it seemed, and in my size.

Had Sesshōmaru ordered them for me?

As my suitcase was still in the car, I had no other choice but to wear one of these new clothes. I chose a simple, woollen dress that was casual enough to wear at home, but that could also be worn for a day out. I wondered if I was supposed to be appropriately dressed at all times, or if I could just walk around the house in sweatpants if I liked. After all, we were not alone. There were servants, too, and I did not want them to laugh about me behind my back. And so, I put on a pair of black tights as well and combed my hair to make myself look presentable. But as I looked in the mirror, I found that I looked terribly exhausted, despite the fact that I had slept on the plane and in the car. It truly was no wonder why Zhong Lin seemed to look down on me. I truly was no beauty compared to Sesshōmaru, who looked like a god at all times. His wife, Kagura, had surely been very pretty, too.

All demonesses were.

* * *

 

Sesshōmaru was punctual that evening as he came to join me for dinner, meeting me at the end of the corridor that led to our bedrooms. “You look lovely,” he said and kissed my forehead as he pulled me closer for a moment. “Is your bedroom to your liking?”

“It is beautiful, Sesshōmaru,” I said softly. “But why do we have separate bedrooms?”

“You know that yōkai do not sleep as much as humans do,” he said, putting his hand on my back as he guided me to the dining room. “And besides, I thought you would like to have a place of refuge like that. You might grow tired of me every now and then.”

“Sesshōmaru, I could never-“

“I was only joking,” he said as we stepped into the dining room, where a full Japanese meal had been put on the table by the servants. My stomach grumbled promptly.

“I see that someone is hungry,” Sesshōmaru said and let go of me so that I could take a seat. This room was also furnished in a modern way, just like my bedroom. It gave the house a strange yet beautiful atmosphere that I liked. The traditional shoji doors had been replaced by a large door made of glass, offering a stunning view of an apparently endless garden.

“It’s so beautiful,” I said as I looked around. “So… modern and light.”

Sesshōmaru poured me a glass of water as he replied: “Yes, I wanted it that way. There is a traditional part, too, but that is only used for guests. Living like this makes it a lot easier, in my opinion. The amenities of this age should not be underestimated.”

I thanked him for the water and took a small sip, letting my eyes wander over the plants, paintings, and furniture that decorated the room. It perfectly combined modern and traditional elements, just like Sesshōmaru. Whenever he wore a suit, it was easy to forget that he was the child of another time. Only when we were alone, and when I got to see and explore his yōkai features, I realised that he was in fact not human. And then, I often felt very, very little.

The food was delicious, and I hummed in delight at the taste. It was great to have Japanese food on the table again, and I made a mental note to thank the cook for the meal the following day. I had always cooked for myself, and for Kaede, too, so it was very new to me that there was someone in the house preparing all of my meals. Perhaps I could ask Sesshōmaru if I could cook for us every now and then. I had learnt a lot from Kaede and from my mother and I did not want to forget it all just because I had happened to marry a rich man.

“I will show you this part of the house later,” Sesshōmaru said as I filled my bowl with rice and vegetables. “The mansion is too big for two people only, so I have limited the living area to the east wing and the centre. I’m glad that everything has been finished in time. I didn’t want to return to a construction site with you.”

I looked up. “You had things changed for me?”

“Of course,” Sesshōmaru replied nonchalantly as he ate. “The entire mansion used to be quite traditional, with few modern amenities. Most of what you see here is brand-new, except for the library and our studies. They are quite beautiful as they were, so I decided to have them not renovated.”

I put my chopsticks down and clasped my hands on my lap. “That was not necessary,” I murmured. “You don’t have to change everything just for me.”

“Now don’t worry about it, Rin,” Sesshōmaru said with a frown. “It was only the furniture that I replaced. The majority of modernisations have taken place many years ago.”

Nonetheless, I could not help but feel guilty for all the effort the servants had surely gone through just because of me. These rooms had certainly been beautiful already.

“And besides, none of the furniture is new, except for this table here,” Sesshōmaru said as he reached for the fish and put some into his bowl. “I mean it, Rin. Stop worrying about it. I wanted to change some things anyway.”

I knew that arguing with him would not help, as he was most likely the most stubborn person I had ever met in my life. And above everything, I was tired, and that certainly would not help my case.

We finished our meal in silence and as I rose to collect our dishes, Sesshōmaru waved dismissively with his hand and told me that the maid would take care of that. Nonetheless, I put the bowls together and left them neatly arranged on the table to make it easier for the girl before I followed Sesshōmaru through the open door into the hallway and through the east wing and the centre of the mansion.

It was then that I realised that the house was indeed very big, and that Sesshōmaru’s decision to limit the private sphere to this part only had been a wise one. It certainly made it easier for the servants to keep the house clean, and it minimised the risk of me getting lost – although the hallways were still incredibly complicated to me, and it would take me some time to get used to it all.

Sesshōmaru’s study turned out to be a quite pleasant place, kept in a traditional Japanese style. There was little furniture, only a desk by the window and cupboards filled with books and scrolls. The only thing that seemed a little odd was the silver laptop on the desk, and it kind of destroyed the almost imperial aura of the room.

“Sesshōmaru,” I said, looking up at him. “What exactly is it that you do?”

Sesshōmaru met my gaze. “I am part of the Authority,” he said. “I told you that.”

“Yes, I know,” I said. “But… what else do you do? You kept getting calls and you worked on your computer when we were in London, and you spoke about a business trip to Oxford, too.”

Sesshōmaru seemed impressed that I had kept track of all those things. He clasped his hands behind his back and cleared his throat a little before he said: “I am a historian.”

I blinked in surprise. “A historian?”

“Yes,” Sesshōmaru said and went to one of the cupboards. He pulled out a thin folder and began to search in it for something specific. “I work for various universities. But most of the time, I work for myself.” He seemed to have found what he had been looking for, and as he turned around again, he showed me yellowed piece of parchment. “I was a scholar at my father’s court,” he said. “Asia did not have universities as early as Europe, but we were researchers, too. Later, I studied at the university of a city that is nowadays known as Seoul.”

I took the parchment carefully, studying the complicated letters that turned out to be Korean. It was most likely some kind of certificate.

“So yes, that is what I do,” Sesshōmaru said and took the paper from me again, putting it back into the folder to keep it safe. “A rather boring profession, most likely.”

I shook my head. Once he had put the folder away and closed the cupboard again, I walked up to him and touched his hand.

“It suits you,” I said softly and stood on my toes to kiss his lips gently.

Sesshōmaru chuckled and pulled me closer, kissing my hair. “That is very kind of you to say.”

Now that I knew what he was doing for a living – although he certainly did not need the money – I felt closer to him once more, and I listened with interest as he showed me the things he was working on, and what he had done in the past. Only when my eyelids drooped and I almost fell asleep in his embrace he stopped talking, and he carried me to my room and let me change into a nightgown.

I had fallen asleep the moment my face touched the pillow.


	13. In Her Shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update! Life got in the way.

My first morning in Ine was a surprisingly peaceful one.

After waking up in Sesshōmaru’s embrace – which led to a wonderful hour of kissing, cuddling, and making love – and taking a shower I found myself sitting on the patio with him for breakfast. It was a sunny morning and only a cardigan was needed, so we had decided to have our meal outside. The view from the patio was truly a spectacular one. As the house was located outside of Ine near Mount Komori, we were close to the sea, and I could hear the rushing of the waters whenever I closed my eyes and listened carefully. The garden was huge, and the deeper one went into it, the closer one came to the cliffs and to the sheer endlessness of the ocean.

It was a beautiful piece of nature that we lived on, and I understood why Sesshōmaru had spoken so highly of his home.

That morning, he was in a good mood, and whilst he poured us a cup of tea he told me that his brother and his sister-in-law were most likely coming today to greet me. Immediately, I felt very nervous. I wanted his family to like me, and I could not help but compare myself in my mind to the wife he had had before me. It was silly – after all, I knew nothing about her except for her name. Sesshōmaru seemed to sense my nervousness, and he gently touched my hand.

“There is absolutely no reason for you to be worried,” he said. “My brother might be an idiot, but he is essentially a good person. And so is his wife.” The way he said it showed that this was something he hated to admit.

I nodded and sighed deeply. “I just want them to like me,” I said. “I mean… you have to admit that we make an odd pair, Sesshōmaru.”

Sesshōmaru frowned a little. “Yes, I know,” he said. “But I did not think that this would bother you so much?”

“It doesn’t bother me,” I replied. “But just the way people look at us and how… how they talk to me…” I shook my head.

Sesshōmaru shifted a little on his chair, his long, pale fingers wrapped around the steaming cup of green tea. “Do you mean Zhong Lin?” He asked eventually, and I winced at his unbeatable ability to read me like an open book. “I admit that she can be a bit condescending when talking to others. Especially to the maids. But do not take it personally. That is just the way she is. And if her behaviour towards you does not improve then she will have to look for a job elsewhere. It is as simple as that.” He leant forward to kiss my forehead. “I want you to be happy here. Never forget that.”

I nodded softly, feeling very silly for my fear of Zhong Lin, as one of the servants stepped outside and informed Sesshōmaru that there was a phone call waiting for him.

My husband sighed and let go of his cup. “I’m sorry,” he said to me. “Finish your breakfast without me, yes? I will see you later.”

Before I could say anything Sesshōmaru had gone inside, leaving me alone on the patio with my breakfast, which now seemed far too elaborate to me. I finished my miso soup and began to put the dishes together as a maid approached me and assured me that she was fine with doing it herself, and I realised that I was making her uncomfortable by doing her work. I mumbled an apology and went back inside, walking down the hallway to my bedroom, but as I opened the door I found two surprised maids in it, cleaning and making the bed. Apparently, I was not meant to be in this part of the house at this time of the day. I quickly closed the door again and went back to the living room – the only place besides my bedroom that I could easily find. Although it was a sunny morning, it was still autumn, and it was rather chilly with the heating turned off.

And in this house, I had no idea where to even look for the heating.

As I went back out into the hallway, an elderly man that Sesshōmaru had introduced to me as Jin’ichiro walked up to me. He was the caretaker of the estate, keeping an eye on all servants and maids. He was essentially of the same rank as Zhong Lin, but he was a lot friendlier – and human, too. Whenever I saw him he was smiling, and he reminded me of my late grandfather in his traditional clothing.

“Good morning, Mylady,” he said warmly., inclining his head to me. “Are you looking for something?”

“I… yes,” I said with a blush. Did I really seem that lost? “I was looking for the heating in the living room.”

“Ah, that room has underfloor heating,” Jin’ichiro explained to me, gesturing at the tatami mats. “It is turned on in the afternoon, as his lordship usually spends his mornings in his study or in the library. But we can turn it on for you if you like.”

“Oh, no, that’s not necessary,” I said quickly, not wanting these people to change their routine just because I did not know how things worked in this house yet. “I’ll just go to my study then.” It was a room I had not been to yet, as I had been too tired last night to continue with Sesshōmaru’s tour of the house.

“Very well, Mylady,” Jin’ichiro said with a smile. “It is just down this hallway here, and then turn left.”

“Thank you,” I said shyly, embarrassed that he had known that I did not know my way around the house yet. But at least it had been him, and not Zhong Lin.

I followed his directions and found myself standing in front of a pair of shoji doors that seemed older than the others, almost as if they had not been replaced on purpose. I opened them slowly, careful not to make any unnecessary sound, as if I were about to step into a forbidden room. Obviously, it was not – on the contrary. This was to be my study, my sanctuary, and I had every right to be there. But as I went inside, I froze on the spot as I saw Zhong Lin stand by the windows, gently watering the plants on the tables.

“Orchids are strange flowers,” she said calmly as she worked, as if she were talking to herself and not to me. “Sometimes they seem as if they are dead. But then, they blossom again, unexpectedly. As white as snow, and as red as blood.” She put the small watering pot back down on the table and touched the delicate flower with her long, bony fingers. “Dead, they say about you, and they believe it. But I know better. You do not give in. An invincible blossom.”

I stood in the doorframe, unable to move as Zhong Lin spoke in an almost chant-like way to the flowers. The woman was in a world of her own, and this room was the entrance to it. I was the intruder, and yet, she did not seem to notice me. But then, suddenly, she withdrew her hand from the orchids and looked at me.

“It is my duty to water the plants in this room,” she said and bowed politely as a way of greeting me. “I hope that my presence did not startle you, Mylady.”

Her words pulled me out of my trance, and I quickly shook my head. “N-No, of course not,” I assured her nervously.

“Is there anything I can do for you, then?” She asked, clasping her hands.

“No, thank you,” I said and entered the room completely, not wanting to give her the impression that I was scared of her – which I was. Although I knew that she was merely the housekeeper, and that I had nothing to fear from her, that I was her boss, even, she frightened me. And that gave her a lot of power over me. “My husband is busy so I thought I’d make myself familiar with the rest of the house.”

Zhong Lin’s face remained completely emotionless. “I see,” she said. “This is the so-called morning room. Lady Kagura has always dealt with her correspondence and made her phone calls in this room after breakfast.” Zhong Lin stepped away from the window and approached the desk, touching it almost gently. “This is her secretaire,” she said, looking down at the ancient piece of furniture as if it were a newborn as she let her fingers wander over the things that lay on it. “Her guestbook. Her stationery. And here, in the drawers are her _cardes de visite_ and her calendar, of course…”

I followed her hand with my gaze, swallowing thickly as I realised that this room had truly been Kagura’s for so many years, and that nothing in here was truly mine. But it seemed that Zhong Lin knew more about this room than the ordinary housekeeper. Almost as if she had been more than that.

“You have been here for a long time, then?” I asked nervously, trying to sound friendly and interested.

Zhong Lin withdrew her hand again and regained her posture, looking at me with her usual emotionless expression. “I came here with Lady Kagura on the day she married his lordship. I have always been at her side. Since the days of her childhood.”

My suspicions were therefore confirmed. Zhong Lin had been around for a very long time already, and she knew more of this house and of my husband than I probably ever would. That was not necessarily a bad thing. If she had been friendlier and more open, I would have been happy to have someone like her around, as some kind of guidance. But Zhong Lin was not the kind of person that befriended anyone. I knew that now.

Kagura had probably been the only exception.

I decided to change the subject to regain at least some control. “The preparations for my arrival have surely caused a lot of work,” I said. “I hope it was not too much.”

Zhong Lin shook her head ever so lightly. “If you require anything else, you may use the house telephone.” She gestured to an ancient-looking telephone on the secretaire. It was probably a model from the early 40s. “I assume that you now wish to deal with your correspondence.”

“My… correspondence, yes,” I murmured, blushing a little as I looked over at the stationery that bore Kagura’s initials.

Zhong Lin bowed once more to me before she walked past me and out of the room. It was as if an icy wind touched my face, but as soon as she had closed the door, the feeling was gone. I exhaled deeply, only then realising that I had been holding my breath the moment she had walked past me, and I sat down at the secretaire to take a look at my surroundings on my own.

It was, without any doubt, the room of a woman. The way it was furnished and decorated represented the personality of the woman that had once lived here; the personality of a woman that clearly knew what she wanted, and that was only the best. The tatami mats were incredibly expensive and probably handmade, just like the delicate paintings that ornamented the walls and showed scenes from the _Genji Monogatari_. The alcove was decorated with a bouquet of fresh flowers from the garden and an ancient scroll. The letters were so complicated that I couldn’t read them.

The secretaire was probably several hundred years old, and of European origin. It was spotless and shiny, as if it had been polished every single day since its completion. Everything on it had been carefully arranged – the pens, the paper, the small books. What was missing, however, was a computer. Perhaps Kagura had preferred to do everything by hand.

I rose from the desk and went to the window, taking a look at the many orchids. They were indeed very beautiful, as they were in full bloom. I had never liked orchids very much. My favourites had always been azaleas, like the ones I had seen in the garden near the patio. It seemed that orchids had been Kagura’s favourite flowers.

A small figure between the orchids caught my eye, and as I took a closer look, I realised that it was a porcelain figure, depicting a female dancer. I picked it up, turning it in my hands.

“Is my brother-in-law not at home?” A female voice coming from outside the room affrighted me, and I dropped the figure. It burst into pieces right in front of my feet and I gasped in shock, quickly picking up the shards with shaking hands, praying that Zhong Lin had not heard the noise.

“His lordship is with Koyanagi Asahi, Madam,” I heard Jin’ichiro say to the stranger.

“Ah, I see. And my new sister-in-law?”

“Yeah, that’s why we’re here,” a rough, male voice said.

“I believe she is in her study, Madam,” Jin’ichiro said.

“Thank you.”

I panicked, desperately looking for a place where I could hide the broken figure. For a lack of an alternative, I shoved them into the bottom drawer of the secretaire and hid the shards under some paper as I heard the man and the woman walk down the hall.

“A woman from London, eh? Bloody hell, as they say.”

“She’s from Sapporo, Inuyasha,” the woman sighed.

“Yeah, but he met her in London, right? Probably one of those half-naked girls you see on television.”

“How would you know, Inuyasha? You’ve never been to London, ever!”

“Well, as long as she doesn’t go for a swim in the middle of the night like the other-“

“Inuyasha!”

Just then, someone knocked on the doorframe before the door was slid open, and a young woman came in. She was human, with long, black hair and big brown eyes that seemed to sparkle, and the kindness in them was evident. The man behind her looked very much like my husband with his long, silver hair and the golden eyes, but instead of pointed ears like Sesshōmaru, he had them on top of his head, like a dog, and he was not as pale as my beloved.

“There you are!” The woman said cheerfully. “I’m sorry for barging in like this, but I just had to see you! I’m Kagome, and this is Inuyasha, Sesshōmaru’s brother! Welcome to Ine, Rin-chan!”

She gave me a big hug, and I was so overwhelmed that I could not do anything but hug her back. But Kagome let go of me again after a moment and stepped back so that I could shake Inuyasha’s hand. He was not as tall as Sesshōmaru, but it was undeniable that they were brothers, despite the fact that Inuyasha was clearly a hanyō.

“Just call me Kagome, yes?” Kagome said happily. “We’re a family now, after all! That is something that always comes with a marriage, whether we like it or not. A bunch of relatives.”

Kagome was so kind and lively that I could not help but like her on the spot. She was the complete opposite of Zhong Lin, and she made me feel welcome in this house, and in the family.

“Thank you,” I said softly. “Sesshōmaru told me that you would come. He is not around, though.”

“Ah, don’t worry about him,” Inuyasha said with a shrug. “It’s not him who we have come to see. The less I see of him the better.”

“Inuyasha!” Kagome sighed, shaking her head. “Live and let life, that is our motto, remember? And I’m sure he will be in a much happier mood from now on, now that he’s happily married to such a lovely woman. Rin, you must tell me everything about you. And you must tell me about the proposal, yes?”

Kagome was one of the people that made it impossible for others to not like them. I had never been happier about having visitors, and so, I asked for tea to be brought to the morning room where I got to know the people closest to my husband. Inuyasha was indeed very different from Sesshōmaru. He had quite the temper, but Kagome had it under control, it seemed. It was a great relief to know that I was not the only human woman that was married to a yōkai in Ine, and that I had no bad talk to fear from my sister-in-law or from Sesshōmaru’s brother. I learnt that they lived in a small house in Ine with their little son, who was currently spending time with Kagome’s mother, and that Kagome worked as a teacher at the local school while Inuyasha fixed all sorts of electronic devices. They were ordinary people, nothing like I had imagined, and it could not have been better than that.

As they left again around lunchtime, my heart felt much lighter, and I had even forgotten about the broken porcelain figure.

Others, however, had already noticed its absence.


	14. The Dark Side of Love

“Check mate.”

Sesshōmaru frowned, staring at the board between us for a moment. “No,” he said, and his eyes widened slowly. “Nononono…”

“I’m sorry, but you just lost,” I chuckled at his almost childish reaction, leaning back on the sofa, watching him acknowledge his defeat with slight frustration.

“I underestimated you,” he declared, shaking his head as he cleared the board and set it up for a new round. “What a fool I was to underestimate my wife.”

I smiled, resting my head on the back cushion and wrapping my arms around my knees. “And what do I get as a reward?”

Sesshōmaru smirked, and he leant forward to press a gentle kiss to my lips.

Almost two weeks had passed since our arrival in Ine, and I had begun to settle in. I finally managed to find my way around the house without getting lost all the time, and I had gotten used to the daily routine of the servants. In the mornings, I would check my e-mails in the morning room, followed by a walk through the large garden or down the path to the main road with Sesshōmaru. Afterwards, he would go to his study to work, and I would spend the time until lunch with a book in the living room. In the afternoon, Sesshōmaru would deal with matters regarding his position as a member of the yōkai Authority, and around six o’clock, we would have dinner, followed by watching a film until we were both tired enough to go to bed.

It was a good life that I lived at Sesshōmaru’s side, but I could not deny that I was sometimes a little bored. I had never been the kind of person that liked to sit around all day, and I knew that I needed to find something to do for myself before I went mad. Fortunately, Sesshōmaru understood, and he had promised to keep his eyes and ears open in case there was an interesting opportunity for me to get busy.

Sesshōmaru took my hand, kissing it gently. “Are you happy?” He asked. “Can you still tolerate me? I know how difficult I can be. Living with me must be hard.”

I laughed. “Sesshōmaru, don’t say something like that,” I said. “Look into my eyes and tell me that this is the look of a woman that merely tolerates you. I love you, Sesshōmaru, and I never want to be apart from you. I just… I just hope that you are happy with me.”

Sesshōmaru raised an eyebrow. “Why would I not be happy with you?”

“Because I keep saying stupid things when people come to visit and I feel so little compared to them,” I admitted. “I still have to learn a lot.”

Sesshōmaru intertwined our fingers. “Nonsense. You are doing so well. I could not be prouder.”

That was a kind lie of him. The mere thought of the embarrassment I had felt when a bunch of yōkai had suddenly turned up on our doorstep to greet me still haunted me. I had not known what to say to them, and except for a few polite remarks, I had not said much and had left the conversation to Sesshōmaru instead.

“But you are surely constantly bored, my love,” he said, caressing my hand with his thumb. “You surely miss many things.”

I frowned. “But I have everything that I need,” I said softly. “What should I miss?”

Sesshōmaru shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “I mean… parties, excursions…”

“No, I really don’t.”

“Girlfriends, invitations, dances… all sorts of things that women your age do.”

“Dances?” I repeated and began to chuckle. Sometimes, Sesshōmaru would say things that sounded odd to a person of the modern age, including his assumptions on how people spent their spare time. It sometimes seemed as if Sesshōmaru had not left his house for decades at a time, and the more I got to know him, the more likely that thought seemed to become. Fortunately, he knew that he was mistaken sometimes, and he did not mind if I corrected him.

“No person goes to dances anymore,” I said softly, gently squeezing his hand. “But believe me, I do not lack anything.”

“Except for an occupation,” Sesshōmaru murmured, covering my hand with his completely. “I will try to find something for you, or perhaps an opportunity will arise sooner or later.”

I nodded and shifted a little closer to him. “Kagome and Inuyasha told me that there used to be a traditional feast every year, with people dressed in beautiful clothing and the finest food. Why don’t we continue this tradition, Sesshōmaru?”

Sesshōmaru suddenly looked as if I had suggested bathing in a tub full of mud. His expression darkened, and a moment later the terrible shadow that I hated so much had returned to his eyes, and he averted his gaze. “I don’t know if that is a good idea,” he muttered.

“But it would be good for you, Sesshōmaru,” I said softly. “You barely talk to anyone except for me, and the people would stop speculating about the two of us. And I would have something to do. You won’t have to do a single thing, I promise!”

Sesshōmaru looked back at me with a strangely pained expression on his face. But then, within the blink of an eye, it was gone, and with it the shadow in his eyes. “If you want it so much, then you shall have it,” he said with a small nod.

I smiled happily and wrapped my arms around him, kissing him several times on both cheeks. “You are the best.”

Sesshōmaru chuckled a little. “Quite enthusiastic today, are we,” he said. “That all comes from your success at chess?”

“Who knows,” I giggled and kissed his lips tenderly, to which he fortunately responded as if nothing had happened at all. Spending time with him like this, cuddling and kissing and enjoying our time together, was my favourite part of the day. Fortunately, Sesshōmaru would always make sure to join me in the late afternoon, and he never worked for too long, as if he wanted to be certain that I did not feel neglected. But I really could not complain about a lack of attention. Although we had separate bedrooms, Sesshōmaru would always sleep at my side, and with him next to me, I felt safe and loved.

“You smell good,” Sesshōmaru hummed into my ear as he kissed my neck. “What is that, a new perfume?”

I blushed, wrapping my arms around him. “Only shampoo,” I giggled, letting out a soft squeak as he let his fangs graze over my skin.

Suddenly, the shoji doors were slid open and Zhong Lin came in, serious and frightening as always. I quickly pulled away from Sesshōmaru, blushing and clearing my throat as I avoided her gaze. It was as if the temperature had dropped the moment she had come in, although I knew that this could merely be an illusion.

“Forgive me for disturbing you, Mylord,” she said calmly, bowing her head. Sesshōmaru seemed slightly annoyed, but he gave her his full attention.

“What is it, Zhong Lin?”

The woman raised her head again and clasped her bony, old hands right above her black obi. Why was she always dressed like this, I wondered, as if she were in mourning, still?

Perhaps she was.

“It is about the geisha. The porcelain figure by the window in the morning room, Mylord. I believe it has been stolen.”

My heart skipped a beat.

“Stolen?” Sesshōmaru raised an eyebrow.

“It has disappeared,” Zhong Lin continued, her voice low and calm as always, but this time, she seemed genuinely upset, too. I have interrogated all maids and servants but they all swear that they have nothing to do with its disappearance.”

“And why do you come to me with this?” Sesshōmaru asked, sitting up properly and reaching for his cup of coffee on the table while I wrung my hands nervously on my lap and avoided looking at Zhong Lin.

Zhong Lin straightened her shoulders. “The figure of the geisha was the favourite piece of our lady. German Meissen porcelain. The most valuable piece in the morning room, Mylord. It is a terrible loss.”

I swallowed thickly, my heart beating fast in my chest as I realised what exactly I had broken. And how valuable it had been.

“Not that terrible, if you ask me,” Sesshōmaru said, taking a small sip from his coffee before he suddenly looked at me and said: “The morning room is your realm, dearest, by the way.”

It was of no use of hiding it any longer. Sooner or later, Zhong Lin would blame one of the servants and fire them, and then it would come out anyway. I took a deep breath, looking down at my hands as I spoke.

“I… I forgot to tell you about that, Sesshōmaru,” I said quietly, meeting his gaze shyly. “It is my fault. I… I accidentally broke it.”

Sesshōmaru looked at me in surprise, and he raised a perfect eyebrow. “You broke it? Why did you not say so right away?”

“I just wanted to look at it, I swear!” I explained, my face burning in shame. “And then it just slipped through my fingers and-“

Sesshōmaru patted my hand gently, making me shut up as a consequence. I had never felt so little in Zhong Lin’s presence before, never so unimportant and weak. Being in her company was already enough to make me shiver, and admitting my failure in front of her made it all even worse. It was an absolute nightmare.

“There you have it, Zhong Lin,” Sesshōmaru said calmly. “My wife has accidentally broken the figure and forgot to mention it.”

“I’m really sorry,” I said quietly, raising my head again to look at Zhong Lin, hoping that she would understand. Whilst she seemed to be completely calm, I noticed that her hands were trembling, as if she had to force herself not to lose control over her senses.

“What have you done with the shards, if I may ask?” She asked eventually, and her cold, dead eyes seemed to look right into my soul.

“They are in the secretaire,” I murmured. “In the… in the bottom drawer.”

“My wife was probably worried that you would come and arrest her, Zhong Lin,” Sesshōmaru said dryly, taking another sip from his coffee.

Zhong Lin inclined her head to Sesshōmaru. “Of course I will apologise to the servants. I would have never guessed that it was _Madame_ who broke the figure.”

“Now you know it,” Sesshōmaru murmured, and it seemed as if the topic was done for him, as he put his coffee down and reached for the chess board again.

But Zhong Lin did not seem to be done. She looked at me again, as if she were the huntress and I was her prey. “I hope that the figure can be restored,” she said coldly. “This matter is highly unfortunate. Never before has something been broken in the morning room, Sir-“

“It is enough, Zhong Lin, leave us,” Sesshōmaru said sharply, and one glance of my husband was enough to make her shut up. She clasped her hands again and bowed lowly before she left the room and closed the shoji doors behind her, not making a sound.

Sesshōmaru sighed heavily and began to set up the chess board for a new game while I felt like the greatest idiot on earth. Oh, why had I not just told him about the figure right after breaking it? Why had I panicked and hidden it in the secretaire? This was my punishment for not being brave enough, I knew it.

“Please don’t be angry, Sesshōmaru,” I said quietly, looking down at my hands. “About the shards and that I did not tell you…”

Sesshōmaru huffed. “Forget about it,” he said, looking down at the board to think about his first move. “Why should I care about _trinkets_?”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I heard the annoyance in his voice. So he _was_ angry.

“You reacted like a child,” Sesshōmaru muttered, reaching for the coffee again.

“I know,” I murmured and lowered my head. “I just hope that… that I can change and won’t stain your image.”

Sesshōmaru held still, looking at me with a frown. “Stain my image? How?”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “You know how people talk and-“

Suddenly, Sesshōmaru had tossed the chess board from the sofa and the figures flew through the room. Within the blink of an eye he had risen, standing above me next to the sofa, and for the first time, I realised completely that my husband was not human, but a yōkai. His eyes suddenly had a shade of red, and his features seemed strangely jagged.  

“What talk?” He asked angrily. “What the hell do you know about rumours and gossip?”

“Nothing!” I breathed, his sudden aggressive behaviour sending shivers down my spine. “I just meant-“

“Why do you listen to gossip?! To whom did you talk?!”

“To no one!”

“Then how do you know about the rumours!”

“What makes you so angry?” I cried. “Is there something that I don’t know?”

“You don’t need to know everything!” Sesshōmaru barked, turning away from me.

I had grabbed the sofa tightly without realising what I was doing, and my heart was beating rapidly in my chest as I watched Sesshōmaru walk away from me towards the window. He was taking deep breaths, as if he were trying to calm down. Slowly, I got off the sofa and walked over to him, reaching out and touching his back. Fortunately, he did not shy away.

“Please don’t be angry with me anymore,” I whispered, gently hugging his arm. “I love you, Sesshōmaru, I just want to understand you better! Are you happy?”

Sesshōmaru huffed. “Don’t ask me,” he muttered and withdrew his arm from me.

“Sesshōmaru, are you-“

“Happy?” Sesshōmaru scoffed. “I? I don’t know what happiness is, Rin!”

His words hit me like daggers, and before I could even open my mouth, he had walked out of the room and down the hall towards his study.

For a moment, it seemed as if I had frozen on the spot. His heart had begun to clench painfully in my chest, and I realised that I was still alive, that this was not a dream, and that my husband had just shouted at me. He had declared that he was unhappy. For some reason, he had changed completely. Just because of my silly childishness.

I picked up the chess pieces, putting them back into their box.

* * *

 

It was almost midnight, but I could not sleep. Just before dinner, Sesshōmaru had stormed out of his study and had informed me that he would take the train to Kyoto to meet with another historian. He had been out the door before I had been able to even open my mouth, and as soon as his car had been out of sight, I had begun to cry.

And in my desperation, I had called the only person that could help me in this situation.

Although Inuyasha was out of town at the moment, he took his time to speak to me on the phone. He assured me that Sesshōmaru’s sudden outburst had nothing to do with me, and that he sometimes lost his temper, that he was sometimes quick to anger, even. Apparently, he had been like this as a child already. Talking to Inuyasha calmed me a little, and when Inuyasha hung up after assuring me that Sesshōmaru would be back to his normal self when he returned from Kyoto, I felt better. I was still sad, but I was no longer crying.

I did not know that whilst I tried to sleep, Inuyasha had called Kagome and told her about the situation. I did not know that my call had upset them more than I could have thought, and that Sesshōmaru’s behaviour made them worry too. I heard about it much later, when they had visited us in Tokyo for the first time. Only then I heard that Inuyasha and Kagome had sensed his struggle, far earlier than I had in the end. They had known immediately that Sesshōmaru was never unjust to those that he valued or even loved – and that the only possible explanation for his drastic change of behaviour was terrible, isolating despair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No matter how angry Sesshomaru might become in this story: he will never, ever lay a hand on Rin. Promise.


	15. To Hold One's Ground

I had hardly slept that night, and so, I left the bed earlier than usual. The sun had barely risen, but I could not stay in bed any longer. Without Sesshōmaru at my side, it felt far too big, and terribly empty. I missed him, despite the fact that he had shouted at me.

I decided to take it slow that morning. First, I ran myself a bath and soaked in the hot water for half an hour. Afterwards, I dried my hair and put it back in a simple ponytail before getting dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and a jumper that I had knitted myself. I looked very little like a lady, but I didn’t care. I was at home, and I had no one to impress. I was pale, but make up would not have helped much, so I decided to skip it. Perhaps I would get some colour into my cheeks after having breakfast.

On the way out my gaze fell onto the small book that I had found in Sesshōmaru’s car. I had taken it with me and forgotten about it, but now it sat on my dresser, almost begging for my attention. I took it into my hands and flipped it open, reading the first page again, taking in the handwriting of the woman that had come before me.

I did not want to have it here. I did not want a reminder of what I was, only the second, less loved wife, right here in my bedroom. With a pair of nail scissors, I cut out the front page with her writing on it, making sure to be careful so that the book would look new. Then, I put the book into the bottom drawer of my bedside table and left the room afterwards, carrying the front page hidden in my wrist as I made my way to the kitchen. It was too early, the cook had not arrived yet, and I had wanted to leave a note that I wouldn’t need a breakfast cooked for me anyway.

The matches were in the drawer by the fridge, as the cook liked to smoke a cigarette every now and then in the backyard. I did not mind. After all, these matches were just what I needed. It took me a few attempts to strike the match, but the paper caught fire immediately, and I dropped it into the sink, watching the paper curl as it turned into ashes and the words disappeared. The kanji of her name, however, seemed to survive the longest, as if it were fighting against its inevitable annihilation. But then, it burst into flames, and her name disappeared, burning up until nothing was left.

I washed my hands afterwards, as if to destroy the evidence of my doing. Then I made myself a bowl of cereal and made my way out of the kitchen again, heading towards the living room to have my meal there. But just as I walked through the entrance hall, I heard voices coming from the other side of the house, the one that we did not use. One of the voices I immediately recognised. It was Zhong Lin’s. The other one, a male voice, I did not recognise. It belonged to a stranger.

“You must go, Naraku! You must not be seen here!”

“Don’t get your knicker’s in a twist, Zhong Lin! Sesshōmaru’s in Kyoto, you said! No one will see me, unless the missus comes spying upon us.”

Zhong Lin huffed. “She will not disturb us. Not here. She knows that this is Kagura’s realm.”

“Where’s the casket with the jewellery? It used to be here.”

“Take your fingers off her things!”

“Don’t be daft, Zhong Lin. Kagura loved me, you know that! I was her favourite cousin, was I not?”

Zhong Lin huffed. “She was used to being loved. Men were crazy about her because of her beauty and charm. They all dreamt of being loved by her. But they knew that they could not have her.”

An ice-cold shiver ran down my spine at her words, and with horror I thought of what I had just done in the kitchen, burning the page with her name on it. As if it were a bad omen. I swallowed thickly, holding the bowl of cereal tightly in my hands as the man began to speak again.

“But I was her relative!” He laughed. “I loved her, just like you did! And just like you I hate the thought of another woman taking her place! Now help me search for the casket!”

“I most certainly will not, you-“

“Shh! Quiet!”

Suddenly, the shoji doors separating the other wing from the rest of the house was slid open and a tall, pale man with dark, curly hair looked down at me with an expression that I could not interpret as anything else but amusement.

“Pardon,” he smirked as I almost jumped in surprise. “Did I scare you?” He looked over his shoulder. “All of your precautions were useless, Zhong Lin! The Lady of the West was eavesdropping!”

Just then, Zhong Lin appeared behind the man, her red eyes slightly widened in shock at my sight. She definitely had not expected to find me here at this time of the day. I immediately knew that she had planned this. She had let this man in at this time of the day to make sure that I would not see him. But I had not followed my usual routine.

“I heard voices, Kaseifu-san,” I said, gripping the bowl tighter. No, I was not willing to back down.

Zhong Lin pulled herself together within a second, and she stepped forward, inclining her head to me. “This is Naraku-san, Mylady,” she said curtly. “The cousin of her ladyship.”

“Oh.” I said, pretending to not have heard a single thing. “Are you staying for breakfast?”

The man called Naraku began to smile. “Ah, is that not lovely?” He asked, looking at Zhong Lin. “Truly, Zhong Lin, I feel like sharing a cup of tea or two with the young lady!”

The glance Zhong Lin shot at him spoke volumes, and Naraku chuckled. “But perhaps you are right. I truly do not want to lead the poor little woman astray. I should take my leave.” He walked past me towards the door.

“I see,” I said with a small nod, following him with my gaze. “Goodbye.”

Just as he seemed out of the door he stopped in his tracks, turning around once more. “Ah, I almost forgot to say this, good woman. It would be very kind of you if you could keep my little visit here a secret. As you see, Sesshōmaru-sama is not exactly a fan of mine. And we don’t want to make our dear Zhong Lin any trouble, do we?”

I hated the way he spoke to me, but I would not show that I was intimidated by him. I just wanted this man out of the house, away from me. “Of course not,” I said with a small nod. Naraku smiled and inclined his head to me, bowing for a little too long to be serious about it before he disappeared and walked down the path towards the rising sun.

Once he was out of sight I turned towards Zhong Lin again, who was watching me like a hawk, as if she expected me to say something. But I would not let her know that I had listened. If Naraku was just Kagura’s cousin-

“Naraku-sama came here to visit, Mylady,” Zhong Lin said calmly. “I did not know he would come so early in the morning. Otherwise I would have introduced him to you, of course.”

“It’s alright, really,” I said quickly. “You couldn’t know. I’ll just go and have my breakfast.”

Zhong Lin bowed and walked away, but not without closing the shoji door to the northern wing carefully. I looked at the door for a moment, hesitating, but then I turned away and walked down the hall to the living room, where I had wanted to go all along. So this was the way to the part of the house where Kagura had lived. So my bedroom had not been hers before. Knowing this calmed me and worried me at the same time. It almost seemed as if I was not supposed to go into the northern wing, although I doubted that Sesshōmaru would forbid me to go there.

Perhaps it was best if I stayed out of that part of the house. I had my realm. It could remain Kagura’s. I did not mind.

So I told myself.

I dozed off again on the sofa while watching the morning news, and as I woke again, it was almost lunchtime. I yawned and stretched, walking over to the window to let in some fresh air. It was a cold day, and winter was approaching fast. In a few weeks, everything would be covered in snow. Winter had always been my favourite season. I hated summer, when everything was too hot to touch and not even cold showers helped.

Winter would surely be lovely in Ine.

After lunch, I curled up in the large armchair in the winter garden with my computer to send a message to Kaede. I had not written to her yet, and I did not have her new phone number. Or Yonoko’s. But she would sooner or later check her e-mails, and I wanted her to know that I was fine, even if it currently did not feel like it. I told her everything about the wedding and our time in London, and gave her a detailed description of the house in Ine. I also included our wedding photograph, the only one that we had. I looked at it for a long time. There I was, shy as always, next to the most beautiful man I knew. He looked down at me, holding my hand, with a certain sadness in his eyes.

Just then I heard footsteps coming from the entrance hall, and his voice, deep and calm, calling my name. “Rin?”

I quickly shut the laptop, as if I had something to hide from him, and my heart was beating rapidly in my chest as I turned my head to look at the door. A second later, Sesshōmaru came in, impeccably dressed as always, hiding something behind his back.

“There you are,” he sighed in relief and approached me slowly, presenting a large flower bouquet to me that had me widen my eyes in both shock and surprise. Sesshōmaru stopped in front of my armchair and said: “Please forgive me for shouting at you, Rin. I do not know what had gotten into me. But it shall never happen again, I promise.”

I blinked in surprise as he held the flowers out to me, looking at me with those beautiful golden eyes that I loved so much. There was nothing but genuine regret in them, and I realised that he was truly sorry.

“Can you forgive me for being such an imbecile?” Sesshōmaru asked softly, reaching for my hand.

I sighed and rose from the armchair, seeking refuge in his arms. He responded immediately, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my hair.

“Don’t just run away next time you are upset, yes?” I murmured into his shirt.

“I promise,” Sesshōmaru said calmly, gently stroking my back. “I had the most terrible night in Kyoto without you.”

I sniffed, pulling away from him a little to meet his gaze. “Guess what kind of a night I had, then,” I said and eventually took the flowers from him, breathing in their lovely scent. “They are wonderful,” I murmured. “Do we even have a vase that big?”

“That is a good question indeed,” Sesshōmaru said. “Zhong Lin will know where to look. Come, I’ll take care of this.” He took the flowers from me again and pecked my cheek before he left the room once more to find Zhong Lin – or a vase, depending on what crossed his way first.

I sat down in the armchair again, running a hand through my hair with a sigh. I was glad that he was back, and that he had apologised. Although I still did not know what exactly had upset him, I was glad that he had returned home and wanted to go back to normal. Perhaps it was for the best if we just forgot about everything and continued to live our lives.

Five minutes later, he returned, carrying the flowers in a large, beautiful vase which he placed on the small table near the sofa. Soon, the room would be filled with the scent of the flowers, and I wondered if it would not be too much for him. But for the moment, he did not seem to be bothered.

“We should go out tonight,” my husband said, sitting down on the armrest of the armchair I was sitting in, taking my hand. “There is a cinema in Ine, we could watch a film there. Or we could go to the onsen. Yes, the onsen sounds good in such weather, what do you think?”

I nodded softly. “Yes, that sounds very nice.”

“Let us stay the night at the inn, then,” he said and rose again. “I will tell Zhong Lin that we won’t be here for the night.”

And with that he was gone again, leaving me behind and rather puzzled about his sudden euphoria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaseifu = housekeeper


	16. Retreat and Return

As always, Sesshōmaru cared very little about the money that he spent. The moment we arrived at the onsen – after telling a slightly tense Zhong Lin that we would not be in for the night – I realised that Sesshōmaru had once more spent far too much money on something as simple as a visit to an onsen by not only booking a room for us, but also an entire hot spring that only we could use. The moment the woman at the reception desk handed us the keys to our room I murmured that I would have been happy sharing the hot spring with others. But Sesshōmaru would not hear any of it, as always. On our way to our room he told me that this was the least he could do after shouting at me for no reason. I, on the other hand, just wanted him to listen to me for once.

But I did not complain. I did not want to ruin the evening. After all, Sesshōmaru was truly sorry.

After washing ourselves we made our way down the hallway to our private hot spring, which was considerably separated from the others and offered us the privacy that we paid for. Perhaps it was good that we would not share the onsen with other people, I thought as I followed Sesshōmaru down the steps to the spring. They would have surely asked many questions, and right now, I wanted to be alone with him, just to talk. He had not said much on our way to the onsen, and I hoped he would open up a bit once we had gotten into the water.

Sesshōmaru was never shy to show his body, and he took off the cotton yukata as if it were nothing. I quickly averted my gaze. Despite being his wife, I was still not used to seeing him naked, and most of the time, we did the deed with the lights out. And so, I waited until I could be sure that he was sitting in the water before I turned around and undressed myself, quickly slipping into the water next to him before he could look at me for too long.

The water was wonderfully hot and I sighed deeply as I relaxed, leaning against my husband. I did not even want to imagine how much it had cost to book this onsen for us, including the additional fee that we could use it together, as men and women were usually separated. But for Sesshōmaru, money did not seem to matter at all.

The moment I leant against him he put his arm around my shoulders, and his fingertips danced over the bare skin of my shoulder blade. “What did you do in Kyoto?” I asked him. “You said you would meet with another historian.”

“I did,” Sesshōmaru replied. “He works at the university and had asked for my opinion on some of his most recent findings. It was already past midnight when we stopped working and I stayed in a hotel for the night. I…” He sighed. “I was too ashamed of myself to drive home immediately.”

I blushed, looking down at the steaming water. “It’s fine, really…”

“It is not,” Sesshōmaru said, pulling me a little closer, gently grasping my chin. “I was upset for a stupid reason. I just did not want you to listen to the gossip of the people, as…” He sighed. “You know, it is not very common for a yōkai of my status to marry a human. And that means that people talk. I did not want you to take it to heart.”

I looked at him in surprise. This was not what I had expected. Sesshōmaru had just wanted to protect me from hearing things that I would probably not like? On the one hand, I thought it a sweet gesture of him that he was worried about that. On the other hand, I wondered if I actually seemed like a child to him that could not bear a little gossip.

“I see,” I said softly, gently wrapping my fingers around his wrist to withdraw his hand from my face. “I know that it is not common, Sesshōmaru… and I… I was aware that people would talk when I married you. Believe me. Especially because your first wife died not long ago.”

Sesshōmaru nodded ever so lightly. “Yes. That too,” he murmured and leant back against the rocks again, allowing me to rest against his shoulder. I could not see his eyes, but I was sure that the dark shadow I had seen in them before had returned; as always when his past or Kagura became the subject of the conversation.

“Sesshōmaru?” I carefully placed my hand on his perfectly sculptured chest and looked up at him, into those golden eyes that I loved so much. And indeed, there was a dark shadow in them, a certain sadness, even. “If there is anything that troubles you… I mean, anything at all, then please tell me, yes? I… I’m your wife, after all.”

Sesshōmaru looked at me for a long moment, not saying a single word. Instead, he reached out to touch my cheek, and he lowered his head to kiss me on the lips. “Indeed, you are,” he said softly. “And I love you very much.”

That alone sent shivers down my spine, and I leant into the kiss happily, yearning for more of his love and affection. Yes, I was his wife. I had to remind myself of that simple yet very important fact over and over again. There was no other woman, no, there was just me. Sesshōmaru was mine, and I was his. Nothing would ever change that.

After a while, he pulled away again to let me breathe, and he nuzzled my hair gently as I basked in the sheer ecstasy of our kiss. “How are the preparations for the feast going?” He asked me. “Have you already started?”

I shook my head. “Not yet,” I answered. “But I have a few ideas. Kagome said that people always dress like important historical figures.”

“She is right,” Sesshōmaru confirmed. “Do you know already which historical figure you would like to be?”

“No, but I’ll do some research soon,” I said. “And before you ask, I won’t tell you. I want to keep it a secret.”

Sesshōmaru chuckled. “Alright,” he said. “Keep it a secret, then. I am sure you will look lovely.”

“I hope so,” I said and promptly blushed as he kissed me again.

We could not stay for too long in the hot water. I felt rather dizzy after a while, and as I stumbled out of the hot spring and put on my yukata, Sesshōmaru put his hand on my back for support and led me back to our room. I had not stayed in a traditional hotel for a long time, and so, I sighed happily as I lay down on the futon and stretched. Sesshōmaru was at the door, accepting the tray with food from the maid. The meal was always the best after soaking in an onsen, and I sat up with a yawn as Sesshōmaru put the tray down before me. It was a fine selection of different dishes, and just then, my stomach began to grumble loudly.

Sesshōmaru and I ate in peaceful silence, exchanging a few words only every now and then. Whenever my glass was empty, he would refill it, and I wondered if he was eating less of the fish because he knew that I liked it. Nonetheless, he was the perfect gentleman, and it was as if our fight had never happened at all. After our meal, we curled up on the futon and turned on the small television, but I paid little attention to the programme. I was glad to be back in his arms, and after our hot bath, I felt wonderfully heavy and tired. Sesshōmaru was playing with my hair, his fingertips gently caressing my cheek every now and then. It felt good to be with him again, after the horrible, sleepless night I had had, and it felt good to be away from Ine for some time. I felt horrible for thinking so, but without Zhong Lin around, I felt much better. Free. Safe. And not watched.

“I always wonder what is going on in your pretty head,” Sesshōmaru whispered into my ear, making me shiver. “You must have the most interesting thoughts and ideas in it. I wish I could discover them all.”

I smiled and looked up at him. “But some things should remain a secret, don’t you think?”

Sesshōmaru chuckled. “Some things, yes,” he agreed and kissed my lips. “But others…” His hand had slipped into my yukata, gently cupping my breast. “Last night I wondered if I had lost the right to touch my angel like this for good.”

I leant into his touch and smiled against his lips. “Only if you had not come back to me and apologised,” I said, placing my hand on top of his. “But you returned.”

Sesshōmaru put me down on the futon, hovering over me, his long, silver hair brushing over my exposed chest as he gently deepened our kiss. I loved this Sesshōmaru, the one that apparently only I got to see. He was gentle and affectionate with me, and I craved every single bit of his kindness, I held onto every word, every gesture, just to remind myself that I was loved. That I was wanted. Appreciated. Respected.

I allowed Sesshōmaru to undress me, pushing the yukata from his shoulders to make sure I would not be the only naked one in this room. Sesshōmaru chuckled at my sudden eagerness, and he kissed down my chest and stomach until he had reached the unthinkable, but before I could say anything he had buried his head between my legs. That was not what I had expected to feel, and my eyes grew wider as I realised that he was doing these things with his tongue, and how wonderful it all felt. I closed my eyes, resting my hands on each side of my head as I gave in to the pleasure, trying not to think too much of how strange this had to look. I was back in his arms, and I still had his love. Nothing else mattered.

I lay still as Sesshōmaru finally had me, and except for wrapping a leg around his waist and putting my arms around his neck, I did not do much, for I was too tired from the bath, and I believe that Sesshōmaru knew that – he was gentler than usual, he was taking it slow. The feeling of skin against skin was enough for us tonight, and even though I did not climax this time, I felt good. Sesshōmaru’s kisses and whispers of sweet nothings were all that I needed that night, and slowly, they lulled me to sleep.

* * *

 

As we left the inn the following day, we both felt refreshed and were determined to leave our fight behind. From now on, we’d live together peacefully again, and we would tell each other if we worried about something.

That was what I hoped, at least.

When we drove back to Ine, I asked Sesshōmaru to stop at Kagome’s and Inuyasha’s home. Much to my surprise, my beloved agreed immediately, albeit he did not seem excited about it. But I wanted to thank Inuyasha for speaking to me on the phone, and I wanted to show them that everything was fine again.

They lived right next to a shrine in a house that they shared with the rest of Kagome’s family. Her mother was a bubbly, friendly woman who greeted us warmly as we got out of the car, and even her grandfather, who turned out to be a priest, greeted both Sesshōmaru and I in a friendly way. Nonetheless, I could sense that he was not too happy about having a yōkai on his lot, but he was nothing but respectful towards Sesshōmaru during our visit. Kagome’s brother Sota, who was just a few years younger than me, did not seem to care at all. He asked me all sorts of questions about our time in London while Kagome made us tea, and then, finally, I got to see their little boy. Haruto was two years old and very lively, and surprisingly very fond of Sesshōmaru. My beloved was, as it turned out, very patient with him, and even allowed Haruto to climb onto his lap to have his snack there. He was a gorgeous child, and as Kagome handed him to me, he immediately started babbling away happily.

In a quieter moment, while Sesshōmaru was in the bathroom, I thanked Inuyasha for helping me the night before. But my brother-in-law just patted my shoulder. “It’s fine,” he said. “I told you he’d calm down. He can be tricky sometimes.”

I nodded. “I know that by now,” I murmured. “But… you know… it’s just so strange that he behaved like this just because I mentioned the possibility of-“

“Rin?” Sesshōmaru came back into the room, holding his phone in his hands. “There is an urgent matter I need to deal with at home. Would you mind if we left?”

“Oh, of course not,” I said softly and got up, thanking Kagome and her family for having us. Her mother smiled and hugged me warmly, telling me that I was always welcome in their home. It was nice to know that I had some friends within the family, and as we left, I had a lighter heart.

But the moment we returned to our home, and the moment I stepped into the morning room only to see Zhong Lin care for the orchids by the window, the fear returned.

Oh, how I cursed these flowers.


	17. Concealed Relics of the Past

With every day that passed it became colder in Ine, but I did not mind. In fact, I had always loved winter, and I could not wait to see what our home looked like when it was buried in snow. Sesshōmaru had told me about it already, and I was eager to see it myself. The last two winters Kaede and I had been abroad, and we had stayed in warmer regions, such as Spain or Morocco, but now I was glad to be in Japan again – and with the man I loved.

And I was finally busy. After I had told Sesshōmaru that I had stopped with my education right after middle school to work, he had suggested that I could take private lessons in order to get more opportunities. I found that a good idea, and so, I had searched for a tutor on the internet. Now I spent every morning in the company of the dear Koichiro-sensei, who was a retired teacher and lived in Ine with his wife. He was a lovely old man, and he was incredibly patient, too. With his help, I finally got to learn what I had missed, and although I could imagine nicer ways to spend a morning than to do algebra, I loved what I was doing. Sesshōmaru supported me in my decision to educate myself further, and naturally, he was the one I asked whenever I had questions regarding history.

In the afternoons, I was busy organising the feast. I had discussed the meal with our cook and had asked the servants where to get the decoration from. One of the gardeners eventually told me that there had to be some in the house, probably in the northern wing. Apparently, they had put all the things we did not need in these rooms whilst they had been renovating, and the gardener believed that there were a few boxes with fairy lights and such somewhere.

I had not entered the northern wing so far – I had only caught a small glimpse of it when Zhong Lin and Naraku had left it. I knew that Kagura’s rooms had been there – but now, they were nothing but storage rooms, right?

Sesshōmaru had left after breakfast to meet with Asahi, and so, I found myself alone in the house that morning. I had decided then and there that I would go and look for the decoration myself, and that I would not ask Zhong Lin. She seemed rather busy anyway, and the less I spoke to her, the better. I put on my slippers and walked down the corridor to the entrance hall, facing the shoji doors that led to the northern wing. Instinctively, I threw a glance over my shoulder, but of course, I was alone. Zhong Lin was in the attic with Jin’ichiro, I knew that. There was no reason to be worried. Or afraid, even.

Carefully, I opened the shoji doors to the northern wing and entered the corridor. I was surprised how clean it was here – not a single grain of dust covered the floor, as if someone were sweeping it daily like the rest of the house. At least I would not sneeze, I thought as I approached the first set of doors with a loudly beating heart, and I slid the doors open at one go.

It was indeed a storage room, but it was filled with nothing but furniture that had been covered with blankets to keep the dust away. I would find nothing in here, and so, I left the room again and closed the doors, making my way down the hallway to the next set of doors. As I reached out to touch them, I realised how polished the wood looked, as if someone was taking care of it carefully. Slowly, I slid the door open, holding my breath as if I already knew that something extraordinary was waiting behind those doors – and so it was.

As I entered the room, I felt as if I was entering a different era. The finest tatami mats covered the floor, and not a single grain of dust was on them, as if someone were taking great care of this room on a daily basis. I swallowed thickly, looking around in surprise and awe, taking in the scenery. A futon lay in the centre of the room, with a painted partition right next to it. Fresh incense sticks had been placed by the futon, on which a beautiful silken yukata lay neatly folded. The flowers in the alcove were in full bloom, and they looked well taken care of. As I stepped closer, I realised that they were orchids.

I was in Kagura’s room.

A low dressing table stood by the doors that led to the garden, with the combs and different brushes for make up carefully arranged on it. A clean, white cloth and a bowl of water stood beside the table, as if the lady of the house was about to come in to wash the day off her face.

A cold shiver ran down my spine as I felt the presence of another being in the room, and I begged the kami that I was wrong, but I was not. I had been caught, right in the act, and by the very last person that I wanted to see.

“You should have told me that you wished to see her room, Mylady.”

Zhong Lin had entered the room, and as I turned around to her with wide eyes, I saw her standing in the doorframe. She had clasped her pale, bony hands right above her obi and was looking at me with something that one could almost call a smile, but there was no genuine emotion in it. Her red eyes were watching me like a hawk.

I had completely frozen on the spot, but Zhong Lin did not seem to care. She seemed to float as she entered the room, looking around wistfully. “Tell me,” she said. “Have you already chosen what to wear at the feast?”

I blinked in surprise at this sudden change of the topic, but I did not complain. At least, she did not seem angry, and I was too overwhelmed to comment on that. “N-No,” I replied with a shaky voice. “Not yet.”

“Has his lordship not voiced a wish or suggestion?” Zhong Lin asked.

Why on earth would she worry about that?

“No, he has not,” I answered, trying to stay calm in her horrifying presence. “He is very busy so he leaves it c-completely to me.”

Zhong Lin met my gaze. “I see,” she said calmly. “May I suggest something? Murasaki Shikibu. The authoress. She is his lordship’s favourite historical figure, and we happen to have a painting of her in the house.”

I blinked in surprise. It was true that Sesshōmaru was a great fan of classical literature, and he had mentioned Murasaki Shikibu a few times, indeed. “Oh, that… that sounds like a great idea,” I said. “Thank you.” What had changed Zhong Lin’s mind? Why was she so nice to me? Perhaps it had something to do with Naraku. I had kept my word, and I had not told Sesshōmaru about this most unusual visitor. Perhaps she wanted to make up for that. “But it has to remain a secret,” I told her. “I want to surprise my husband.”

Zhong Lin nodded. “As you wish,” she said and let her gaze wander through the room again wistfully.

“It is a lovely place, is it not. Take a look around if you like. The room of the Lady of the West is a masterpiece.”

“Very beautiful, yes,” I replied carefully. “But also a bit… scary.”

Zhong Lin smiled lightly. “His lordship has not entered the northern wing since the day his wife… drowned so tragically…”

She walked past me towards the doors that led to what I assumed was the northern garden, her pale hands touching the handle as she closed her eyes for a moment before opening them, letting in the cool, wintery air. “The surge of the waves can always be heard in this part of the mansion,” Zhong Lin said softly. “As if it were singing to her. Singing her name.” She turned around again and for a moment, I wondered if Zhong Lin had turned into a statue. But then, suddenly she walked away from the doors and approached the futon, picking up the yukata.

“This was where she slept, and this, this is her nightwear,” Zhong Lin hummed. “Beautiful, is it not? You may touch it. Feel the quality, the finest silk that there is, oh, it did cost a small fortune, but only the best was ever good enough for her. And every single fibre keeps the scent of her skin…” The yukata slid from her hands into mine, and I swallowed thickly at the sheer luxury in my hands. I knew little about clothes, but I knew enough to realise that this was not ordinary silk, that this was probably the best that there was, and that I was unworthy of touching such a divine thing.

“She may not sleep her anymore, and no one sees here anymore, but the waves are still singing her song,” Zhong Lin said quietly, looking towards the open doors. For a moment, I believed that she would close them again, but she approached the dressing table instead, touching the combs with her fingertips.

“Her hair was long and thick, like a black curtain of silk. I always combed it just the way she liked it. I was careful, but she would always tell me: ‘You need to comb them harder, Zhong Lin, if you want to tame them’. But just as I could not tame her hair, no one could tame her. She was a queen day and night, in everything she did, in her posture, and in her style.” Zhong Lin closed her eyes and withdrew her hand from the dressing table, touching her obi. “Some things have changed since she left last year,” she murmured. “But her magic still lingers here.”

I knew that I needed to get out of this room, and away from her, but I could not. It was as if I had frozen, my legs refused to obey me, and all I could do was to look at Zhong Lin whilst she told me of the woman before me, and how perfect, how flawless she had been. I was nothing but an intruder, not worthy of being in such a room, a room that represented the past – a past that Sesshōmaru was part of, and that I would never know, because I was nothing but a weak and feeble human being. A human that did not deserve a yōkai like him.

Zhong Lin shut the garden doors carefully.

“I will send the painting of Murasaki Shikibu to the seamstress,” she said. “She shall use it as a model.”

I stared at her. She had changed the subject so easily, as if she had not just invoked the spirit of the dead right in front of me.

“Yes,” I breathed. “That… is a good idea.”

Zhong Lin inclined her head to me. “I shall go and prepare everything, then. I believe that the postman has delivered a letter for you this morning. It will be on your desk.”

I nodded quickly, and finally, my legs obeyed me and allowed me to leave the room – or flee it, to tell the truth. I walked down the hallway towards the exit, stumbling into the entrance hall and gasping for air, as if I had been under water all this time.

I could order fairy lights online.

But I would never, ever enter the northern wing again.

Even as I sat at my desk and read the letter that had arrived for me – the final bill for my services for Kaede, written by Yonoko – I was still agitated, my hands shaking lightly. But why? I had no reason to feel guilty. This was my home, and I had every right to enter these rooms. Zhong Lin knew that. And yet, she had made me feel as if I did not belong into this house at all, as if I were the ghost in these halls, and not Kagura.

But I did not want to run to Sesshōmaru and tell him of my fears. How childish would that be? I was already childlike enough in many ways, and I did not want him to think less of me. I did not want him to think that I believed in ghosts – which I did not, but for some reason, I constantly felt watched in these rooms, as if an invisible presence were always right behind me, studying me, judging me. But each time I would look over my shoulder, I would find myself in here alone.

I turned the radio on and the volume up, reaching for my computer to check the balance of my bank account.

* * *

 

Sesshōmaru returned from Asahi after lunchtime, carrying a basket in his left hand as he entered the living room where I was watching a film.

“What is this?” I asked with a frown, and it deepened as I realised that the basket was moving.

Sesshōmaru smiled and put it down on the sofa right next to me. “A small surprise for you,” he said, resting his arm on top of the basket. “Asahi asked me if I would take one, and I thought it might be nice for you to have something to cuddle whenever I am away, and as winter is approaching fast…” He opened the basket and reached inside, pulling out the most adorable spaniel puppy I had ever seen.

“Oh my!” I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands as Sesshōmaru put the basket aside to place the dog in my lap, and I wrapped my arms around the little ball of fur. The puppy barked happily and licked my face promptly. “How did you…”

“Asahi’s neighbour,” Sesshōmaru replied, laughing as the puppy tried to climb up my chest to lick all over my face. “Do you like her?”

“I love her!” I gasped and hugged the puppy happily, reaching for Sesshōmaru with one arm. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome,” Sesshōmaru said. “She seems to be very excited to be in your arms.”

“I would be happy too if I had been stuck in a basket,” I replied with a chuckle, and finally, the puppy settled on my lap, looking at us with her beautiful, brown eyes. Oh, she was going to be my pride and joy, I just knew it. I would have never thought that Sesshōmaru would make me such a thoughtful gift, but I was incredibly grateful for it. “Now all you need is a name. Hm? What name would you like, darling?”

“What about Hana?” Sesshōmaru suggested.

“Oh yes!” I smiled. “Hana! How do you like that, hm? My little Hana?”

She barked happily, and escaped my grasp to explore the rest of the room. I laughed, watching her run around in pure joy.

“I believe she likes the name,” Sesshōmaru said, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him deeply before he could say anything else. As I pulled away again, he looked at me in slight surprise.

“If that is what I get for bringing you a puppy, then I would have done so a lot sooner,” he smirked.

I giggled, leaning against him, as I had finally forgotten my worries of the day. At least, for now.


	18. The Boat House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me some time, I know! But my internship is over and I feel well enough to write! This chapter was a little tricky for me, because I included another character from the manga/anime. I hope you like it!

The following month I hardly got to see Zhong Lin, and that lifted my mood immensely. She had decided to take her annual holiday, and without her in the house, I felt much lighter, as if I had gained new freedoms. Of course, that was just an illusion, and my days went by the way they always had. My lessons with Koichiro were going well, and so were the preparations for the feast. I was determined to make sure it would be a perfect evening, as I wanted to show Sesshōmaru that I could do something on my own. I wanted him to be proud of me, and so far, it seemed that I would succeed.

My new companion brightened my days, too. I had never had a pet before, and I absolutely adored Hana. She was a sweet little thing, and she followed me everywhere during the day. Sesshōmaru often joked about her being my shadow, and we had to throw her out of our bedroom almost every night in order to enjoy some privacy. But in the mornings, she would always stand in front of our door, happily wagging her tail and greeting us with an excited bark. I was very happy to have her, and I made sure that Sesshōmaru knew how grateful I was.

My husband rarely asked me about the upcoming feast, which I took as a sign that he trusted me. But he was also very busy, and sometimes, he would be gone for the whole day. Usually, he made it back in time for dinner, and we would spend the evening together and tell each other about our day.

I loved these evenings with him. It almost felt as if we were an ordinary married couple.

Most of the time, I did not think of Kagura, about her shadow that still lingered in this house. But each time I walked past the doors to the northern wing, it all came back, and with it the horror that I had felt whilst being in her room.

Whenever these moments came, I called for Hana and went out with her for a walk.

The area surrounding our home was beautiful, almost untouched by mankind. It was perfect for taking a dog out for a walk, and it was obvious that Hana enjoyed herself very much whenever I let her run freely through the forest or down the many paths that led to the beach. I had never been there before, as the tide had always been high and Sesshōmaru had told me that it would be too dangerous for me if I went there. He knew this area better than I did, and so, I had stayed away from that beach, only ever watching the sea from the top of the cliffs.

Sesshōmaru had gone to Kyoto that day as I took Hana out for a stroll again. It was a cold, windy day, and I was wearing a warm coat that Sesshōmaru had bought for me a while ago. I had almost fainted at the sight of it, as it was of a very expensive brand, but Sesshōmaru never seemed to care about these things. But I had to admit that it was a very comfortable one, and it kept me warm in this ghastly weather. Nonetheless, I enjoyed being outside. The cold wind against my face made me feel alive, and I breathed in the fresh, salty air with a content sigh as Hana ran past me, chasing after a few birds. This place was surely lovely during the hot summer months, I thought, and I could not help but imagine my husband standing in the bright sunshine, wearing nothing but swimming trunks, watching the sea. It was a very lovely and exciting picture in my head, and I could not wait to see it one day. Did Sesshōmaru even like to swim? I would surely find out soon enough.

Hana barked, chasing a squirrel down the path as she suddenly took a turn and ran down towards the beach, stumbling down the stony stairs as the squirrel finally managed to escape, but Hana already had found new potential playmates – a group of seagulls.

“Hana, stop that, come here!” I called, but Hana did not listen, or perhaps she could not hear me due to the wind, as she kept running down to the beach, leaving to me no other option than to follow her. Carefully, I climbed down the stairs, calling her name over and over again. Hana had reached the seagulls, that flew away with loud cries the moment she ran towards them in a playful manner. She stopped in her tracks, whining in disappointment as her new friends flew away.

“Hana, come here!” I called, a little out of breath as I finally reached the bottom of the steps. Now that I had reached the beach, I realised that it was not as scary and dangerous as I had imagined. It seemed very peaceful even. And there, near the cliffs, was a boat house with a crescent on the door.

The emblem of Sesshōmaru's family.

Sesshōmaru had never told me about a boat house, or about any other buildings in general, and so, I was naturally curious. But first, I had to stop my dog.

Suddenly, I heard a voice coming from the beach, a voice singing a song, a song so odd that I had never heard before:

“Gone, gone, gone is she! Nasty woman in the sea! Water swallows all it’s got, once you’re down there you will rot! Gone, gone, gone is she! From the water you can’t flee!”

I could not tell where the song was coming from or who was singing it, as I was still looking for Hana, but she barked again, and I spotted her on the other side of the beach, near the boat house.

“Hana! Come here! Now!”

But Hana did not listen. She had already found something new and interesting, a small, brown creature that I could not identify, and as Hana ran towards it, it shrieked, hiding behind a large rock.

“Hana! Stop!” I shouted and grabbed her by the collar, putting the leash on again. “Really, Hana! Stop scaring all the animals here!”

Hana whined and lowered her head, but kept looking at the rock, so that I had become intrigued enough to see what she had been chasing. A cat, perhaps?

But as I looked behind the rock, there was no cat. It was very small, the size of a puppy, perhaps, with a human face, brown hair, and a bushy tail. I immediately recognised the little creature as a kitsune child, and I immediately took a step back. Kitsune were not dangerous per se, but they often came in groups, and they liked to play nasty tricks on humans. But this one seemed to be alone. And it seemed scared to death, shaking like a leaf.

“Hana, sit,” I said, and much to my surprise, she obeyed. I knelt down by the rock, looking at the kitsune child. “Hello, there.” I tried to sound calm and friendly, not wanting to scare the poor little thing even more. “I’m sorry for my dog. Hana did not mean to scare you, she just wanted to play.”

The kitsune looked at me anxiously, glancing at Hana for a moment.

“I didn’t do anything!” He shrieked with a squeaky voice that matched the one that had been singing just moments ago. “I didn’t see anything!”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” I said quickly, trying to sound trustworthy to the little kitsune. “I’m… I’m Lady Rin, the wife of Lord Sesshōmaru.” Saying it still felt strange to me, but that was my name now, was it not?

The kitsune narrowed his eyes. “Lady?” He repeated. “The lady is gone!” He hid behind the rock again, but never let me out of sight. “Sesshōmaru-sama’s lady is gone!”

“I am his new lady,” I explained to him calmly. “Do you live here in the boat house?” I pointed at the slightly shabby hut.

To my surprise, the kitsune shook his head and spoke. “No, no. I must not go there! They say that Shippo must not go there!”

“Oh, so your name is Shippo?” I asked, smiling at the little creature. “Don’t worry, Shippo, I just came here to get my dog.” I held the leash a little tighter and got up, glancing at the boat house, trying to catch a glimpse of what was inside. To my surprise, it seemed furnished – at least that was what I could see through the old windows. Almost like a place for retreat. There were bookshelves, a large sofa, yes, even a small fireplace that could be used for cooking and for heating. “Seems rather cosy.”

Shippo, the little kitsune, moved away from the rock, sitting down in front of it instead as he watched me attentively. He was entirely harmless, that much I knew now.

“She can’t come back, right?” He asked me suddenly, his voice very small, and he looked up at me out of big, green eyes.

He was referring to Kagura.

A cold shiver ran down my spine, but as I looked at Shippo, my heart broke at the fear that I could see in his eyes. Yōkai or not – he was a little boy. A little child.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “She is dead.”

Shippo began to whimper, and his eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t see anything!” He cried. “Please don’t send me to the orphanage!”

“No, Shippo!” I breathed, shocked at his sudden outburst of panic. “No one wants to send you to an orphanage!”

“Yes, she wants it!” Shippo shrieked, jumping from the rock, almost hiding behind it as he looked out to the sea. “But she can do nothing to me anymore. Gone, gone, gone is she! Nasty woman in the sea.”

His sudden singing confused me even more than his strange behaviour. I had never dealt with Kitsune before, and I knew that they often liked to trick people with their songs. But this one here just seemed incredibly scared and upset. So he was indeed alone, and an orphan, too. My heart broke for him immediately. He was so little, so young, and crying. And so, I tried to distract him, to soothe him. My eyes fell onto the shells surrounding him.

“Look at the nice shells that you’ve got,” I said, crouching down near him.

Shippo blinked, looking at me in confusion for a moment before he understood what I was talking about, and he reached for one of them in excitement. “Yes!” He exclaimed. “In so many colours! I collected them!” He told me proudly.

“Can I see?” I asked, smiling at him.

Shippo nodded, handing me one of the larger ones. Carefully, I turned it in my hands. It smelled like salt and sand, shining in the brightest colours despite the only faint light of the sun.

“Very pretty,” I said, giving the shell back to Shippo, who was suddenly watching me again with great anxiety. “Are you alright, little one?”

“Please don’t send me to the orphanage!” Shippo cried, and large tears rolled down his little, chubby cheeks. “Please don’t send me there!”

“No, Shippo! No orphanage!” I said quickly and reached for his little hands. “I promise! No orphanage!”

Shippo looked up at me with wide eyes, swallowing thickly as he seemed to realise that I meant it.

“You’re not like her,” he said in astonishment. “She was always mean. But you are nice! And you look like an angel! You must be one! You have eyes like one! You’re not mean to no one and you don’t harm no one! You are one with a good heart!”

I blinked in surprise at Shippo’s sudden outburst of trust, and even more as he suddenly hugged me tightly before letting go of me, collecting his shells.

I got up, wiping the sand off my coat.

“You stay, yes?” Shippo asked me. “You must stay! Don’t go, yes? You must live here! The other one down in the sea can’t hurt you! You’re better! You’re stronger!”

Before I could open my mouth to reply to Shippo’s very strange question, I heard the voice of my husband, calling my name from the top of the cliffs. Shippo shrieked, dropping half of his shells as he ran away again, down the beach and around a corner, out of my sight.

Hana barked as she recognised Sesshōmaru’s voice, and pulled me out of my thoughts. I stepped back a little, raising my hand for Sesshōmaru to see, only then noticing that I was shaking – but not because of the cold. It was because of Shippo’s constant references to her, to Kagura, and because of the fear that she had struck into his little heart some time ago. It was her fault that he behaved like this, there was no doubt about that – but why?

I forced myself to calm down. I did not want Sesshōmaru to find me here shaking. To distract myself, I pulled Hana closer to me, rubbing her belly firmly to remove the dirt and sand whilst I waited for Sesshōmaru to come down the stairs.

My husband was there within a few moments, and as I raised my head, I looked into his beautiful face and froze – he looked furious.

“What the hell are you doing down here,” he asked through gritted teeth.

I got up immediately, holding Hana closer. “I was just going down here to get Hana, because she escaped,” I said. “Does this bay belong to us?”

Sesshōmaru did not answer my question. He looked at the boathouse for a moment. “Did you go in there?” He asked eventually, still boiling in anger.

“N-no, why?” I asked in confusion, clutching Hana’s leash.

“No one goes in there, is that understood?”

“Sesshōmaru, I really didn’t-“

“And I told you I don’t want you to come down here!” Sesshōmaru barked, and I stumbled backwards in shock, tripping over a piece of wood. “It makes me sick to see you at this place!”

“Sesshōmaru, please-“

“Please, WHAT?!”

“Sesshōmaru, don’t yell at me, you scare me!” I cried and tripped over my own feet, and Hana barked, moving in front of me protectively, despite being a little puppy only. I was kneeling in the sand, my clothes now ruined due to my clumsiness, and only then, Sesshōmaru seemed to come back to his senses. He hid his face behind his hands, taking a few steps back.

“I… I’m sorry,” I heard him whisper, despite the wind and the sound of the sea behind me. “I… I just cannot… I cannot stand this place.” He let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair. I had never seen him like that before. There it was again, the terribly dark expression in his eyes, but this time, it was even clearer, more frightening, as if a dark shadow had grasped his soul and refused to let go of it. And then, it hit me.

My husband was terrified.

I got up, not caring about my dirty clothing as I approached him, determined to not back down again like the last time he had shouted at me. This was not the face of an angry man. What spoke out of him was pure terror, the fear of something that I did not understand.

Hana whined as I gently put my hand on Sesshōmaru’s arm, looking up at him wordlessly.

Sesshōmaru was looking not at me, but at the boathouse.

“This is a cursed place,” he said. “I did not want you to come here because of that and when I heard your voice from down here I thought…” He trailed off, closing his eyes, as if he were ashamed of himself.

I moved closer to him and cupped his cheeks, kissing his lips gently. “Let us go home, yes?” I suggested quietly. “I won’t come here again.”

Gently, I linked my arm with his, and led him back to the stairs. He followed me almost obediently, and we did not say a word as we went back to the house. Sesshōmaru even followed me to the bedroom, where he sat on the bed and watched me while I changed into clean clothes, and when I was done, he pulled me into his arms and buried his face in my hair, letting out a deep sigh.

“Forgive me for being a terrible husband,” he murmured, and the regret I heard in his voice was genuine.

I leant against him, closing my eyes.

“You are the best husband to me.”

I was not sure if he believed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens... Soon we will find out why Sesshomaru behaves like THAT, and then things are going to become SERIOUS.


	19. Reticence of the Heart

Sesshōmaru lay next to me as I woke up in the middle of the night, staring at the ceiling. I could tell that he had not slept for a single minute since we had gone to bed, and that he had not moved, either. His beautiful face was full of anxiety and his golden eyes so full of sorrow that it broke my heart. I could not look away from him, regardless of how tired I was. He did not even seem to notice that I had woken, as he was so deeply lost in thoughts.

I had not slept well at all. In my dream, we had been at the beach again, and Sesshōmaru had shouted at me, and then he had yelled at the sea in a language foreign to me, he had screamed his lungs out and then he had collapsed right in front of me, crouching on the ground almost like a child.

Seeing him in bed beside me was comforting, despite the terrible shadow in his eyes.

I moved closer to him, carefully placing my hand on his chest. Slowly, his hand came to rest on top of mine, and after what seemed an eternity to me, he looked at me. There was a deep sadness in his eyes, a certain kind of resignation that made my heart ache for him. And yet, I had no idea what it was that pained him so.

But I could already suspect that it had something to do with Kagura.

He was mourning her still. I could not change that, and I did not blame him for it. After all, they had been married for a long time, and they had most likely been very much in love – based on the way he mourned her. Fighting against that would be fruitless. Mourning was natural, and I knew how it felt and how long it could take to get over the loss of a loved one to at least a tiny degree. I had been forced to say goodbye to my parents far too early. With a wife, it was certainly not much easier.

I would always be his second wife only. I would always be the one he loved less. Kagura would always own a part of his heart, and I would never be able to change that. I had accepted that some time ago already. For me, it was enough to be with Sesshōmaru the way it was now. And it was a good life that we had together, was it not?

For me, he was the best husband in the world.

All that I could do was to be the best wife for him that I could possibly be.

I intertwined my fingers with his, meeting his gaze as he looked at me ever so patiently. There was no actual need for us to speak, but there were things that I wanted to say, and right now, I could be sure that my husband was listening.

But as I opened my mouth, his voice broke the silence.

“I shouted at you,” he said, his thumb brushing over the back of my hand. “Albeit I swore that it would never happen again.”

I frowned a little. “That does not matter now,” I said. “You were not shouting _because_ of me, at least.”

Sesshōmaru smiled a little. But it was a sad one, and that I did not like. “Yes. That may be true.”

Before he could avert his gaze again, I had shuffled a little closer to him, and I reached out to touch his cheek.

“To me, you are the best husband that there is,” I said calmly. “I would not trade you for anything in the world.”

Sesshōmaru sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “You could have one that does not have an outburst of anger every second day.”

“Now do not exaggerate,” I said, squeezing his hand. “Believe it or not, I am not perfect either. You could have a beautiful yōkai wife with a gorgeous body and great skin and-“

“Are you talking about _that_ again…”

“-but believe it or not, we have chosen each other for some reason,” I said. “You may not be flawless, but to me, you are perfect. That is what matters, is it not?”

Sesshōmaru looked at me for a long moment, and for a second, I believed that he would start to laugh. But then, he sat up a little, and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest as he lay down with me again.

“A smart wife that I have,” he said as he nuzzled my hair. “And so patient. I really don’t deserve you.”

“Well, good for you that it is I who decides with whom I am patient,” I replied into his chest. “I love you regardless of your outbursts. It would only be nice to know the reason for them, you know.”

I lifted my head and looked up at him, and Sesshōmaru seemed to search for the right words for his reply. Eventually, he said: “This place contains many memories,” he said. “Some of them are good and some are not. The beach is… is of the latter kind.”

I nodded, resting my head on his chest as I began to stroke his firm belly in an attempt to keep him calm. I had found out a while ago that he seemed to like this gesture very much, and it did not fail this time either.

“I will tell you all of this one day, Rin,” Sesshōmaru said, and his hand came to rest on my head, playing with my hair. “But not tonight. I hope you understand.”

Naturally, I nodded. I would never force Sesshōmaru to speak about his past if he did not want to, and I would never pressure him into revealing things that he was not ready for yet. He had never expected me to speak about my parents, and for that I was very grateful.

“I just don’t want to see this sadness in your eyes, my love,” I said, sitting up a little, resting on my left elbow. “That is what pains me the most. It’s not the shouting. It is that.”

Sesshōmaru reached out to stroke my arm. “Don’t worry about it, Rin. Your presence is already enough to cheer me up.”

I was not convinced. The dark shadow was still there, and I knew that neither Sesshōmaru nor I would be able to find rest that night until it was gone.

“I could try to cheer you up in some other way,” I said slowly, grasping his shirt with my hand that had been resting on his belly. “Just to take your mind off things.”

Sesshōmaru frowned, opening his mouth to reply as he, fortunately, finally understood what I was trying to say. “We don’t have to,” he said, but I could already see a certain sparkle in his golden eyes. It had been some time since we had last slept with each other, due to several headaches, my period, and his work, and we had both become a little impatient. “We don’t need to just because we-“

But I had already leant forward and made him shut up with a kiss, to which he responded immediately and with a hunger that confirmed my suspicions that he wanted this, no, that he needed this. I buried my hands in his hair, deepening the kiss slowly as our tongues began to dance with each other, and my heart swelled with pride as Sesshōmaru moaned into my mouth.

Kagome had been right. The best way to take a yōkai’s mind off things was to seduce him, to play with their animalistic side. With Sesshōmaru, it worked as well. His right hand found his way into my hair while he tried to remove my underwear with the other – a task that I happily helped him with, and before I knew it he had tossed my knickers across the room right into the laundry basket.

His fingers had begun to tease me, and for the first time I felt the sharp tingling of his claws on my flesh. They had not fully regrown yet, but they were long enough to make me shiver. The mere thought of it almost drove me crazy, but that was not what tonight was supposed to be about. I wanted Sesshōmaru to forget about his worries, I wanted him to sleep well tonight.

I broke away from our kiss, sitting up to take off his shirt and his underwear, moving to straddle his lap.

Sesshōmaru looked up at me with a small frown. “What are you up to?” He asked, but I shook my head. “Just… just let me try this, yes? I read about it in a magazine and…”

But Sesshōmaru had already settled against the pillows again, and for the first time, he allowed me to take control.

I knew how unusual that was. For yōkai, it was natural to be the one in charge in every situation, especially when it came to sex. But Sesshōmaru was a daiyōkai, and more in control of his instincts than others, to a degree that allowed him to accommodate my wishes.

Slowly, I settled on his lap, feeling him pressing against me as I tried to think of how to proceed, how to show him how I meant this, that I did not mean to use him for my enjoyment only. But then, I felt his hands on my thighs, and with a swift movement, he had pulled my nightgown over my head, leaving me sitting on his lap completely bare.

I did not mind being naked in front of him when it was dark, but the moon was shining into our bedroom, and I felt terribly exposed. In order to hide myself a least to some degree, I bent forward to kiss him, but his hands wandered up my sides where they came to rest right below my breasts, stopping me from coming any closer.

“Rin,” Sesshōmaru whispered. “Are you even aware of just how beautiful you are?”

I froze, staring at him with wide eyes. I had not expected him to say that, or anything at all, but like each time he complimented me, I was at loss for words.

“I mean it,” Sesshōmaru said and reached up to push a strand of hair out of my face. “And I wish you would just let me see you in all your glory.”

I blushed deeply, and I was sure that he could even see it due to the light of the moon.

“You say that I am perfect to you,” Sesshōmaru murmured, gently caressing my cheek. “But you are perfect to me, too.”

My heart was beating rapidly in my chest, and I was sure he could hear it, but fortunately, he said nothing about it. Slowly, he pushed me away from him until I was sitting again, and he reached up to gently caress my breast. “My beautiful wife,” he said quietly, and his other hand came to rest on top of my thigh. “And she only ever wants the best for me.”

I swallowed thickly. “Of course I only want the best for you,” I said, and my mouth had become very dry all of a sudden. “I love you.”

Sesshōmaru smiled lightly. “And I you,” he replied. “Now show me what you have found in this magazine of yours, yes?” He brought his hand to my lips and kissed it gently before he let go of it again, leaving me in control.

I took a deep breath, trying to not think of the fact that I was very visibly naked right in front of him as I tried to remember what I had read in that article. Slowly, I rolled my hips on his lap, and it did not take long until I could feel him press against me again. I placed my hands on his chest, shifting on his lap in order to take him into me as I felt Sesshōmaru’s hands on my waist, supporting and guiding me ever so lightly as I braced myself for the initial discomfort and burning that I had gotten used to, but none of it happened this time. Never before had he entered me so smoothly and easily, and I could not hold back a loud groan that Sesshōmaru mistook as a groan of pain.

“Rin,” he said immediately, sitting up and wrapping an arm around my hips. “Are you-“

I shook my head vigorously. “This is amazing,” I whispered, forgetting entirely about my initial worries as I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close. This was not exactly what I had planned, as I had wanted him to lie back and relax, but embracing him felt even better. Sesshōmaru put his arms around me, kissing my neck as his hand squeezed my bottom, encouraging me to move, to which I responded most happily. I did not have to do much in this position, every move that I made sent shivers down my spine and made Sesshōmaru groan, his fangs grazed over my skin as we moved with each other in perfect harmony, and I threw my head back as I came with a moan, my mind going blank.

Soon, Sesshōmaru followed.

We did not speak again as we settled in each other’s arms once more, and I could not help but smile, as the dark shadow in his eyes had finally disappeared. I knew that it would most likely return sooner or later, but for tonight, we had banished it. And within minutes, my husband had fallen asleep in my arms, his chest rising and falling evenly as he finally found the rest that he deserved.

I pulled the duvet up to our chins, covering us both.


	20. Honesty and Kindness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The silence before the storm.

We did not speak of the beach again the following morning. I watched Sesshōmaru over my cup of coffee as he read his newspaper, but he seemed as if nothing had happened at all. In fact, he seemed calm and peaceful – perhaps because he had managed to get some sleep. I had been up early nonetheless, and in order to clear my head, I had prepared our breakfast by myself.

The weeks had passed to quickly that I had barely noticed that the feast was approaching fast. My costume would soon arrive, according to the local seamstress that worked on it, and I could barely wait to see it. I was sure that Sesshōmaru would like it if I turned up as Murasaki Shikibu, the author of the famous _Genji Monogatari_. After all, he enjoyed classic literature very much, and we would surely look great together on that evening. He had told me he would wear his traditional battle armour of the 16 th century, and I was very curious to see him in it.

Whilst I was looking forward to the feast, my mood was promptly chastened by the return of Zhong Lin. Unlike other people, who usually returned from their holiday refreshed and with a healthy colour on their cheeks, she seemed paler than ever before, and more like a ghost than an actual living being. Her behaviour towards me had hardly changed, albeit I had the feeling that she was trying to be friendlier after I had run into her and Kagura’s cousin Naraku a while ago. I had kept my promise and had not told Sesshōmaru about his unexpected visit, and perhaps that was the reason Zhong Lin now looked at me with less coldness in her eyes.

Just as I kept my promise to not tell Sesshōmaru about Naraku, I had stayed away from Kagura’s rooms. There was no law, no promise that could keep me from going there, but I felt that I was not welcome in this part of the house. And after what had happened at the beach, I was sure that Sesshōmaru would be anything but happy if he found out that I had entered the other wing and taken a look at Kagura’s realm.

And so, I tried to distract myself by preparing everything for the big day.

Asahi was of great help to me during these days. He had been at all the previous feasts and knew what had to be arranged. Therefore, he was also the one I consulted when it came to the guest list. I knew almost no one around Ine except for Kagome and Inuyasha. But I had found Kagura’s old address book in her secretaire, and I took it with me to Asahi to hear from him who should be invited.

Asahi hardly seemed like a yōkai to me most of the time. In everything he did, the way he moved and spoke, he appeared almost human, and only if I looked closely I could see the demon that he was. I had never asked him what kind of yōkai he was, and I was not sure if it would have been rude to ask him. But it was nice to be around him, and I enjoyed his company a lot. He was very different from Sesshōmaru, always smiling, always humming a little tune to himself when he worked. How on earth had these two become friends?

Sesshōmaru had gone to his study for a telephone conference with fellow historians the day I went to see Asahi, Kagura’s old address book in my little purse. It was my favourite bag – a gift from Sesshōmaru from our time in London. It was white with little cherry blossoms on it, and fortunately, it had not been too expensive, unlike the other bags he had wanted to buy me. With the book in my purse I made my way down to Ine where Asahi lived in a traditional home close to a little park. A few women were there with their children, watching them play as they exchanged the latest gossip. As I walked past them, they looked at me curiously, and I greeted them with a small nod. I felt their eyes on me as I approached the gate to Asahi’s house, and when he opened the door for me, I was out of sight for them.

“To what do I owe the honour, Lady Rin?” Asahi asked as I entered his home, and promptly, I blushed.

“Please, just call me Rin,” I said as I took off my shoes and put on the slippers he offered me. “You don’t call Sesshōmaru His Lordship either.”

“True, but only because he’d kill me if I addressed him that way,” Asahi laughed and gestured towards the living room. “Let us go in there, where it is warm. I just turned on the kotatsu. Would you like some tea?”

“Oh, that would be lovely,” I said softly and followed him to the living room, where a kotatsu was waiting for us in the middle. The heated table was covered in books and notes, and when Asahi returned from the kitchen after putting the kettle on, he began to clear the table.

“Sorry for the mess,” he said. “I’ve been checking the books of the last two years for Sesshōmaru.”

“It’s fine,” I assured him and clasped my hands on my lap. “You should see his study when he’s trying to prove a point to someone. Last time I tried to bring him some tea I stumbled and fell right into a pile of books.”

Asahi chuckled, putting the books and notes away to the desk by the window – which was already covered in papers, too. “Yes, I can imagine,” he said and closed the windows before joining me at the kotatsu. “So,” he said, clasping his hands on the table. “How can I help you, Rin-san?”

I was grateful that he had not called me Rin-sama, and I reached for my purse. “About the feast,” I said, opening the bag. “You asked for my guest list and I was not sure who to invite since I hardly know anyone here, but I found… I found Kagura’s old address book, and I thought perhaps you could tell me which people she used to invite so we don’t accidentally insult someone by not inviting them.”

I placed the small book on the table, waiting for Asahi’s answer.

He nodded, reaching for the book. “Yes, that is a good idea,” he said, briefly flipping through the pages. “Usually, she invited all the yōkai with wealth and prestige. The feast was not only meant for fun, but also to strengthen the bonds between them in general. You know Sesshōmaru and his antics, he is not really the kind that walks up to people to get to know them.”

“Well, that is how we got to know each other, basically,” I said softly, blushing at the memory of having breakfast with him at the hotel in London. Back then, he had not even known my name. “But yes, I know what you mean. He is not what I would call social.”

“Exactly,” Asahi agreed and got up as the water was ready. While he was gone to prepare the tea, I let my gaze wander, admiring the tasteful decoration of the room. Albeit it was a traditional home, Asahi had included modern elements as well – the most impressive one being a massive television on the other side of the room, and a gaming system. It seemed that although Sesshōmaru and Asahi liked the traditional Japanese style, they did not ignore the developments of the new world.

A moment later, Asahi returned with a tray in his hands on which he had put our tea as well as some biscuits.

“Careful, it’s hot,” he said as he poured me the tea and I reached for the pot to do the same for him. “I hope you like that kind of tea.”

“I like all kinds of tea,” I assured him and after I had poured him a cup, I reached for my own and took a small sip, promptly burning my tongue a little.

“I said it was hot,” Asahi said with a small smile and reached for the address book again. “But yes, I can make a list with the people Kagura used to invite. It should not be too much work, don’t worry.”

“Thank you, Asahi-san,” I said and bowed my head in gratitude.

We drank our tea in silence, and I reached for a biscuit to soothe my burnt tongue.

“Asahi,” I said after a while. “How… how did you and Sesshōmaru meet?”

Asahi laughed. “Oh, we met when we were children,” he said. “My father was an ally of his father, and we began training together. God, I hated Sesshōmaru the moment I saw him.”

“Why?” I asked in surprise.

“Because he was an obnoxious, arrogant, and proud little shit,” Asahi grinned. “But he quickly realised that he wouldn’t get to order me around despite being the son of the Inu no Taisho. I really don’t know how we became friends, but one day, we suddenly were.” He sighed wistfully at the memory. “He can be quite exhausting. So I have to say that I’m impressed by every woman that puts up with him.”

I chuckled at that, taking another sip from the tea as I thought about his words. Asahi knew Sesshōmaru well, he probably knew him better than anyone else did. Better than I did.

Perhaps Asahi could answer my questions.

“A while ago I went out with Hana for a stroll and we ended up at the beach, near the boat house,” I began slowly.

Asahi raised an eyebrow. “Oh, then you must have met Shippo!” He said. “He’s always down there playing. You don’t have to be scared of him, really.”

I blinked in surprise. “Oh, I immediately saw that he was not dangerous,” I assured him and grabbed my cup a little tighter, and my stomach clenched as I thought of Sesshōmaru’s face that day. “But… Sesshōmaru was… he was so furious when he saw me down there and I just don’t know why. He won’t tell me.”

Asahi did not say anything for a long moment. Instead, he reached for a biscuit and began to eat it, chewing it carefully whilst the silence between us became more and more uncomfortable with every second that passed. Eventually, he began to speak again, so unexpectedly that I almost jumped.

“The boat house was her… her nest, so to speak.”

“K…Kagura’s nest,” I said, looking at him anxiously.

Asahi nodded solemnly, taking a sip from the tea before he continued. “Yes. She had made herself at home down there. Sometimes she even slept in the boat house. She often was down there. It was also where she was last seen before she died.” Asahi sighed deeply. “They found her body forty miles away from here. Sesshōmaru had to… had to go to identify her. It was horrible.” He shook his head.

For the first time, someone was speaking to me about Kagura, about the woman before me, the one Sesshōmaru had shared bed and table with. Finally, she seemed to become real, she became a concept that I could grasp to some degree, taking away the strange feeling that had always surrounded her name.

“I shouldn’t talk about her without Sesshōmaru knowing,” Asahi said. “It is not-“

“No, please!” I said quickly, reaching out to touch his arm. Asahi blinked in surprise, looking at me.

“I mean,” I said with a blush, withdrawing my hand. “I… I never hear anyone speak about her. I know nothing about her. Sesshōmaru barely mentions her and… it feels strange to live in that house where she lived and to walk where she walked without knowing a single thing…” I shook my head. “All I know that she was apparently very beautiful and perfect in every way...” I looked up at Asahi again. “Was she truly that beautiful?”

Asahi bit his lower lip, and my heart sank. “Yes,” he said. “She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.”

I looked down at my teacup. “Everyone says that. And that she was charming, intelligent, witty…” I swallowed thickly as the image of Kagura became clearer in my head. “Compared to her, I’m… I’m a failure in every way.”

“Do not ever say that, Rin-san!” Asahi exclaimed, reaching out to touch my arm. “Please! You’re just different from her. It is not your job to be like her. You are our and Sesshōmaru’s chance to leave the past behind. To forget her.”

I shook my head, feeling the tears form in my eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that,” I whispered, lowering my head.

I felt Asahi withdraw his hand from my arm, and for a moment, I was sure that he would leave the room. I was pathetic, crying in the living room of my husband’s best friend, like one of these women you saw in those terribly cheesy television dramas. But Asahi did not leave. Instead, he began to speak, his voice calm and gentle.

“My opinion is not of importance,” he said. “But I will say it nonetheless. You see… what things are wrong and what things are right is often revealed after the damage is done. And… and when a woman is only beautiful but cold and empty on the inside, then there is nothing left but a façade, one that can never change. But what a man… what a man like Sesshōmaru needs is honesty and trust. Kindness and warmth that comes from the heart. The ability to look forward even when you’re struggling. What one needs is someone who is there when you’re searching for answers, someone who will catch you when you’re falling. These things are so much more important than any beauty in the world, Rin-san.”

He gave me a handkerchief, and I dried my tears, unable to speak, his outburst of kindness overwhelming me. But Asahi was not done yet.

“A real partner gives you safety in life. Togetherness in difficult times. And the gift of being allowed to be yourself entirely, without having to worry about what might come. A partner like this hears what your silence is trying to tell, and a partner like this defeats your fear with confidence and optimism. Sesshōmaru did not have it easy with Kagura, that much I know, and you… you are so different from her, in so many wonderful ways. Be the best version of yourself that you can be, Rin-san. And everything will be fine.”

* * *

 

I returned home with a lighter heart that day. Not all of my questions had been answered, and there were still a lot of things that I did not know or understand, but perhaps uncovering them was not what I was supposed to do in the first place. Perhaps it was not my duty to discover what had been before me. Perhaps all I had to do was to look forward to the days to come, to be happy with my husband at my side. Perhaps the only duty I had was to fight against the darkness that seemed to haunt him, but with the knowledge that none of this was my fault.

Sesshōmaru was on the phone when I came back from Asahi, pacing the living room. As I entered, he looked up, smiling at me for a moment. I smiled back and took my purse back to the bedroom, putting it back into the closet. In a box on the bottom was my kimono for the feast. The evening I would show Sesshōmaru that he could be proud of me. That I was a good choice.

I closed the closet door again, not knowing that my kimono, and everything that came with it, would only be the smallest part of the catastrophe that was about to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last peaceful chapter. The catastrophe will begin soon, and from that moment on, they have reached the point of no return.


	21. The Poison of Hatred

And suddenly, before I knew it, the day of the feast had come.

Everything had been carefully prepared. Right after breakfast, a small army of people arrived to help with the decorations. I had tried to make it traditional and modern at the same time, and thanks to Asahi, who was definitely an expert on medieval Japanese feasts, the large dining hall looked as if the previous five hundred years had never happened, as if it was still the Sengoku era. Instead of electric lights, big and small lanterns were hanging from the ceiling. Instead of one long table, several small ones had been placed all over the room, cushions surrounding them. Next door, there would be musicians playing traditional music and modern takes on classical pieces, and there would be enough room to dance and to make conversation. It looked amazing, and I was sure that Sesshōmaru would love it.

The catering service arrived in the afternoon, and as it became evening, I knew it was time to get dressed. Together with the help of Hanako, a young girl that Zhong Lin had employed for me as a personal maid to take care of my clothes and my bedroom, I opened the box that contained my kimono for the evening, and we both gasped at the sight of it.

“What a masterpiece!” Hanako exclaimed as we lifted the heavy garment from the box and put it down on the bed. Hanako had to know – her father was a kimono merchant, and she knew how to put on a kimono like that. Tonight, I needed her skills more than anyone else, as I had no idea how to put on a kimono like that. Fortunately, Hanako was an expert, despite her young age. She was only two years older than me.

“The seamstress is famous for her replicas, I’ve been told,” I said to Hanako as I began to undress.

“And what a replica it is!” Hanako agreed and quickly went to get the first layer of the kimono. “You will look like Murasaki Shikibu herself tonight, everyone will admire you, Rin-san!”

I smiled lightly. “I just hope that my husband will like it,” I said and lifted my arms as Hanako began to work, helping me to get dressed. I watched myself in the mirror, speechless as I watched myself transform from a simple woman to a historical figure that I had always admired, whose works I had read countless times in my teenage years.

Was that woman in the mirror truly me, I wondered?

But there was no doubt – it was me, and I looked beautiful. Never before had I felt so proud of myself, and I was sure that Sesshōmaru would be proud of me, too. I had arranged all this – I had arranged this evening to prove myself to him, and after tonight, no one would doubt that I was right for him. I would show them all that I was just as good as Kagura had been, although I was only human. Only a mortal.

Soon, I could hear people arrive, and the buzzing of their conversations reached my room. My heart began to beat faster in my chest. Not long now, I thought, just as someone knocked on the door.

“Rin-chan, it’s me, Kagome!” My sister-in-law chirped. “Do you need much longer?”

“I’m coming down in a moment!” I called. “I’m almost done!”

“Good, because we’re all dying to see you, including Sesshōmaru!” Kagome laughed through the door. “I’ve never seen him so excited before!”

My heart clenched in sheer nervousness and excitement.

“Five minutes, yes?” I called, nodding at Hanako, who was still busy with my hair.

“Alright!”

I heard Kagome walk away again, and I took a few even breaths to calm down. All I had to do was to go down there, where all these people were waiting. But I only had to look at Sesshōmaru. I only had to reach for his hand, and hold onto him, my husband, my rock, and I would be fine. Together, we would get through this evening, and it would be a huge success.

That I was sure about.

Eventually, Hanako stepped back, and I admired her work in the mirror.

“You are a genius, Hanako,” I said, turning around to her, unused to the heavy kimono and the many layers. “Really. I owe you a favour.”

Hanako laughed. “It was a pleasure, Rin-san,” she said. “And now you must go downstairs! Everyone will be excited to see you!”

I nodded, squeezing Hanako’s hand gratefully before I went to the door, took a deep breath, and stepped outside, heading to the stairs. It felt strange to walk in this garment, but it felt nice as well – it forced me to hold myself in a different way, to keep my head high and my shoulders back.

“Rin-chan?” I heard Kagome call from the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m coming!” I called back, grinning as I approached the stairs.

“Sesshōmaru, quick!” I heard Kagome call. “She’s coming downstairs!”

I giggled gleefully, approaching the stairs and reaching for the banister for support as I descended the stairs to the entrance hall, when I suddenly heard Sesshōmaru’s familiar footsteps approaching fast, and I put on my prettiest smile for him as he turned around the corner and froze on the spot, staring at me with wide eyes.

Back then, I had no idea what he was thinking, what was going through his head in that moment, but I mistook his speechlessness for amazement.

“Good evening, my warrior,” I said with a shy smile, letting my eyes wander over his impressive appearance. He was wearing a white kimono and a battle armour, as well as the soft mokomoko that he had always kept in his study, but now it was resting over his shoulder. On his armour, he carried two swords, one of them being his most valuable one, as he had told me.

His gaze darted over my kimono, taking in my appearance from head to toe, not saying a word as Kagome and Inuyasha walked around the corner, both of them freezing on the spot, just like Sesshōmaru.

“Holy shit,” Inuyasha said, his eyes wide as he stared at me. I frowned softly, looking at Kagome, who was staring at me in shock as well.

Sesshōmaru was the first of them to move. Slowly, he walked up the few steps towards me and came to stand right in front of me. Never before had I seen him so pale. So distraught.

“What the hell is this about,” he said in a dangerously low voice.

I blinked in confusion. “Huh?”

“Your costume,” he said harshly. “What the hell did you think?!”

I swallowed thickly, realising that he was anything but happy about me being dressed like this favourite author. “I… I’m Murasaki Shikibu,” I tried to explain. “Like… like on that painting that you like and-“

“Take this off,” Sesshōmaru interrupted me. “Get rid of this thing! Put on something else! I don’t care what! Take this off before anyone sees you in _that_!”

“Sesshōmaru, what-“

“Rin-chan!” Kagome had appeared at my side, taking my hand and shoving Sesshōmaru away. “Go to your guests, Sesshōmaru, I will take care of this, yes? Rin, come with me.”

I barely felt my feet move as Kagome dragged me with her. I was confused, I did not understand what was happening, but the look on Sesshōmaru’s face had scared me, it shook me to the core, and even Inuyasha, who still stood at the bottom of the stairs, had looked at me as if he had seen a ghost. “Sesshōmaru!” I breathed, swallowing thickly as I looked at him over my shoulder, but he was not looking at me anymore.

And there it was again. The terrible shadow in his eyes that I hated so much.

“Rin-chan, come,” Kagome said emphatically, dragging me along, up the stairs towards my room.

“But I don’t-“

We had finally reached the top of the stairs and as we turned around the corner, I grabbed Kagome’s arm. “Kagome, I don’t understand!”

Kagome finally turned around to me, a pained expression on her face. “The costume,” she said quietly. “Kagura wore the same costume last year.”

An icy shiver ran down my spine, and I suddenly felt hot and cold at the same time, my knees seemed to give in, but Kagome caught me before anything could happen.

“Rin, you couldn’t know! He couldn’t expect you to know!” She assured me and pulled me along, down the corridor towards the bedroom.

From the shadows, I saw a pair of dark, red eyes watching us, and as Zhong Lin stepped into the light, I could see her smile, her cruel, mocking smile.

It was a sight that I would never forget.

Kagome pulled me into my room, and the moment the door closed behind us, I began to tug on the kimono, trying to take it off myself. I did not want to wear it anymore, only then realising the impact of it, and it felt wrong on my skin, almost like an insect, a parasite.

“Rin-san!” Hanako gasped, as I accidentally ripped one of the sleeves “Your kimono!”

“It’s fine, Hanako, I’ll take care of it, you can go,” Kagome said, and the moment Hanako had left my room I felt Kagome’s arms around me, and I burst into tears, crying into her shoulder.

“Hey, let me help you with this, yes?” Kagome said softly, tugging on my kimono.

I hiccuped, sitting still on my bed as Kagome removed layer after layer until only the thin undergarment was left, and then, she sank down beside me on the bed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, grasping my chin with her hand. “Now listen to me. None of this is your fault, Rin. You couldn’t know that Kagura had dressed up as Murasaki Shikibu last year! It was just a silly accident, nothing more!”

But I shook my head. “I sh-should have kn-known,” I breathed. I could not stop shaking. “I should have known that, I should have asked Sesshōmaru before that and now he hates me-“

“He does not hate you, Rin,” Kagome said firmly, grabbing my shoulders. “He was shocked, nothing more. Hell, when you… when you came downstairs, you…” Kagome closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “For a moment, I thought you were Kagura. It was as if she had never left, as if she were standing right in front of us. It was a shock for Sesshōmaru. Nothing more. He knows that you did not mean to upset him.”

And with that, Kagome pulled me into a tight embrace again, and she held me until I finally stopped crying, until I had calmed down enough to stand up again. Kagome went to my closet, searching through my clothes until she found what she had been looking for. She returned to the bed, placing a box with a festive, yellow kimono on the mattress beside me. It was one of a modern cut, but still seemed somewhat traditional.

“Now put this on,” Kagome said. “We’ll tell the guests that the seamstress sent you the wrong costume. That happens to the best of us.”

I shook my head. “I can’t go down there.”

“You have to, Rin,” Kagome said. “They’re all waiting for you. You cannot leave Sesshōmaru alone.”

I stood still as Kagome helped me into the kimono, knowing that she was right. I could not hide here. I had to make it through the evening. I could cry later.

Now I had to be strong.

* * *

 

I had no idea how I made it through the evening.

The moment I entered the room with Kagome at my side, I felt everyone’s eyes on me, but before I could react, Sesshōmaru had appeared at my side as well with two cups of sake in his hands. Wordlessly, he handed one to me, and then welcomed our guests to the feast, asking them to enjoy themselves tonight.

Not once, he seemed to look at me that night. We made our way through the rooms, often standing back to back as we spoke to our guests, and countless times, I lied to the people about my kimono, and especially the women were surprisingly understanding. A beautiful demoness with golden hair, who was wearing something like a battle armour, assured me that she knew the feeling, and that her own seamstress had gotten things wrong so many times that she had eventually had her beheaded, back then in the 1400s.

My smiles were fake that evening, but I pulled myself together, making polite conversation with everyone as if nothing had happened at all. Only Kagome and Inuyasha knew that I was anything but fine. Like guardian angels, they watched over me that evening.

On the outside, I was the perfect hostess, smiling and laughing at all times.

On the inside, I was screaming in terror.

It was already past midnight when Kagome suggested to Sesshōmaru that it was time for me to go to bed. To our guests, he announced that I had been up all day, preparing the feast, and the people applauded me, congratulating me to such a successful evening. I thanked them for their kind words and wished them a good night before I left, holding my head high until I was out of sight, and back into my room.

The moment the door closed behind me, I collapsed onto the bed, and I began to cry harder than ever before. I did not hear Kagome coming after me, only as he held me I realised she was there. And she stayed with me – holding me, almost like a child, her voice humming a gentle tune until I finally fell asleep, exhausted and desperate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is it - the point of no return for Rin and Sesshomaru. But even worse things are going to happen. I promise.


	22. Kagura's Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where it all goes downhill.

I did not sleep for long. In the middle of the night, I jerked and woke, sitting up in panic and instinctively reaching for the hand of my husband. But this time, I did not find it, because my husband was not there.

It continued like this for the rest of the night. I would cry myself to sleep, only to wake up again minutes later in panic, desperate for someone to hold me. But I was alone, and I did not dare to leave the room. I was sure that there were still some guests around, and I would not bring disgrace to the house by showing myself like this.

I had already ruined too much.

Of course I knew that Kagome was right. There was no way that I could have known about Kagura’s choice of costume in the previous year, and I was sure that Sesshōmaru would not even have spoken about it if I had told him about my idea in advance. He would have given me any reason but the truth. But nonetheless, I felt terrible, and guilty of upsetting my husband. I was the reason the darkness had returned to his heart, after I had thought that we had fought it off for good.

And the fact that he would not come to our bedchamber that night was enough of a proof for me that he was done with me.

I moved to sit by the window with a blanket around my shoulders, watching our guests depart, most of them leaving the house through the garden. Sesshōmaru’s silver head of hair was not among them, so I knew at least that he had not fled. But that was surely only a matter of time by now.

I dozed off, my head resting against the glass. But it was not a good rest that I got. I woke early in the morning, shortly after 5:30, and I felt terribly ill. Carefully, I stood from the armchair, taking a few tentative steps before my stomach turned and I rushed to the bathroom, losing the few bites of food I had taken the night before. I coughed heavily, reaching up to flush the toilet as I leant against the cold bathroom wall, taking deep, even breaths. That was only the right punishment, I thought, running a hand through my hair as my ears began to ring and I felt hot and cold at the same time. Under any other circumstances, I would have called Sesshōmaru for help. But I was sure that right now, he would not even come.

I only had myself to blame for this.

Once I felt confident enough to trust my legs again, I rose from the cold bathroom floor, wrapping my dressing gown around my body on the way out. I could not stay in this room forever. I had to speak to Sesshōmaru, I had to apologise to him, and I was sure that I knew where I would find him.

It was quiet in the house as I descended the stairs and crossed the entrance hall towards the northern wing. The shoji doors were closed, as always, but I pushed them open without hesitation. The long, dark corridor that lay ahead of me was cold, unheated, and the moment I stepped into it I felt the presence of the past, its unholy shadow embracing me as I entered a realm that was not mine, where I was the intruder, and definitely not welcome.

But I was sure that Sesshōmaru was here. And that I was the reason for it.

I knew that this would probably be our last conversation as husband and wife. But it had to be done. Even if it broke my heart.

I approached the doors that led to Kagura’s rooms, gently knocking on the wooden frame.

“Sesshōmaru,” I said quietly, knowing that he could hear me. “I know that you are in there. Your bed was untouched. The memory has drawn you to Kagura’s room and… and I’m the reason for that, I know. But I…” I swallowed thickly as the tears rolled down my cheeks. “I swear to you, I had no idea that I was wearing the same costume as Kagura. I… I wish it had not happened, Sesshōmaru, I should have asked you about the kimono and we could have avoided all of this. But…” I shook my head, grabbing the doorframe tightly. “I know that I will never be enough for you. I know that you cannot forget her and that you still live with her, in your heart, because you still love her. I can feel it when you kiss me, when you touch me, I can feel that your heart is with her and not with me and I know that whenever you look at me you compare me to her and I… I know that this is the reason you will never be mine.” My voice was nothing more than a whisper by now, but I knew that Sesshōmaru could hear me nonetheless. “Her shadow will always… always haunt me and I… I should go and-“

Suddenly, the door to Kagura’s room was opened and I stumbled backwards, my eyes wide as I expected to see Sesshōmaru standing there. But it was not my husband that had opened the elegant set of doors.

It was Zhong Lin.

Her pale face seemed like a death mask as she looked down at me with her dark, red eyes that sat heavily in their sockets. Like a devil that had ascended from hell just to torture me, to grab me and pull me down to purgatory.

“Good morning, Madame,” she said calmly, as if I had not just poured my heart out.

“You…” I could barely speak.

“You are up early today,” she said, clasping her bony hands. “Have you not slept well?”

Was she joking?

Was she just going to pretend that nothing had happened at all, that she had not heart any word of what I had just said to a room of which I know that Sesshōmaru was not in it, that she was not the reason for my misery?

“One can barely close one’s eyes during such weather,” Zhong Lin remarked, glancing over her shoulder towards the open window in Kagura’s room. Apparently, she had been in there to let some air in. “The rain is indeed a burden on the soul.”

I stared at her.

And then, finally, after months of swallowing my pride, I snapped.

“You know exactly what the burden on my soul is, Zhong Lin!” I shouted, clutching my dressing gown tightly. “Your costume suggestion! All of it was nothing but a diabolic and devious trap! You wanted to make me look like a fool! You wanted people to ridicule me!” Hot tears were now streaming down my face, but I could not have cared less. “Why do you hate me so much?! WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU?!”

Zhong Lin’s gaze darkened. “You are trying to take Lady Kagura’s place!” She hissed, and she suddenly spun around, entering the room again as she began to speak, so frantically that I was sure that she had gone mad for good. “Why are you here?” She barked, turning around to me once more, the fire burning in her eyes. “No one here needs you or wants you! Who do you think you are? I can’t bear it! To watch you sit right in her place and walk in her footsteps and touch all the things that she treasured, that were hers, and hers alone! You two, you and that… that _sinner_ you call a husband, you do not deserve this! This was her life! Kagura’s life! This was her home! She ruled in these halls! She was the one admired by everyone, she was the one who held the power, not a pathetic human woman like you! Do you think you could ever compete with her? Do you really think that you could ever take her place? Oh no, Missus, believe me, you cannot win against her! Kagura may be dead, but her spirit still lingers here and it is here to stay until this world falls apart into ashes and dust! One day, when all sins are forgiven, when there is no difference between good and evil anymore, then she will return, and take her rightful place as the Lady of the West! And she will be free! Free as the wind!”

Zhong Lin laughed hysterically, and she walked towards me again, but I reacted instinctively, fleeing from her by entering the room as well, my legs barely carrying me as she circled me like a lioness. “Nothing that you say or do will be ever hidden from her! Fear her, that is what you should do! You cannot steal her life from her, and he cannot betray her with you, she will see every act that you do against her, she will hear every word of treason, and she will hear every insult and she will make you pay!”

Zhong Lin suddenly reached out for me and I screamed, barely escaping her grip as I fled towards what I thought was the door, but it was the open window, and I almost fell over the banister, grabbing the wooden railing tightly as Zhong Lin suddenly hovered over me, her dead eyes looking right into my soul. But she did not attack.

“Only one step,” she said in a dangerously low voice. “One step between here and eternity. Down below you is the sea… you should go there. You should lie down there. Not her. It makes sense, does it not? No one needs you. You are nothing a burden to him.” Her cold hand reached out to touch my chin. “You should rest in the crypt in her place. It would be better for him, and for you, too. End it here. Once and for all. You both don’t deserve better. One step is enough!”

And then, with a blast, the spell was broken, and the lights of what I believed to be fireworks exploded above our heads.

We were both so shocked that we looked up instantly.

“W-what is that?” I breathed, as more lights followed.

Zhong Lin withdrew her hand from my face.

“Signal rockets,” she said. “Alarm, coming from the bay. There must have been an incident.”

There were screams coming from the bay below, the wind carrying them to us. One of the voices was Asahi’s, and another one belonged to the gatekeepers, and as they were yōkai, they were obviously the first to be at the scene.

“He will be there,” Zhong Lin said surprisingly calmly.

Sesshōmaru.

* * *

 

It was a mess.

I could not see who was there, or what had happened. All I could see in the faint morning light was a large group of people, humans and yōkai, standing at the beach and searching for whatever had happened in the distance. A few people from Ine were among them, too, mostly those that worked at the harbour, and I recognised a few of them as I came closer, my feet barely carrying me as I fought against the heavy, cold wind.

“A ship,” I heard someone say. “They must have mistaken the bay for the harbour in that terrible fog.”

“The bow is completely destroyed,” someone else said. “It will surely sink soon. The water must be already flowing in.”

Some people recognised me, and they approached me, trying to get my attention, but I ignored them all, my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I looked for the only person that could help me now, the only person that mattered to me in this moment.

“Sesshōmaru?” I called desperately, looking around, but he was not there. Had Zhong Lin lied about this, too? Why had she let me go? Why had she told me that he was down here, and, most importantly, why had I believed her?

But then, I spotted someone in the distance, and I cried in relief. “Asahi!”

He spun around, his eyes wide as I ran towards him, grabbing him by the arms. “Rin-san!”

“Asahi!” I breathed. “Where is Sesshōmaru?”

“He is out there with the sea rescue,” Asahi told me, gently taking my hands. “Don’t worry, Rin, he is safe. He is always one of the first to be out there when tragedy strikes.”

Only then I realised that the sea was rough, and that this was in no way a safe environment, neither for humans nor for yōkai, and I swallowed thickly.

“Oh my…” I whispered, feeling my lips become dry and salty from the cold sea wind. “I hope they’ll be safe…”

An amused laughter coming from behind us sent shivers down my spine.

“Oh, no worries, the sea is hardly deeper than a duck’s pond in this area,” a voice known to me said, and as I spun around, I could see Naraku leaning against one of the lamp posts. He was dressed in a shabby suit, his hands buried deep in his pockets as he let his gaze wander over the upset crowd of people. The wind was playing with his dark hair in an almost magical way, as if an invisible aura had taken control of it.

“Naraku…” I breathed.

Naraku returned his gaze to me, seeming honestly surprised that I remembered his name, and he raised his eyebrow in curiosity as he inclined his head to me almost playfully. “Oh, how pleased I am that you remember me, M’lady.”

“What…” My mouth had become very dry. “What are you doing here?”

If Sesshōmaru saw him, there would be blood.

Naraku shrugged nonchalantly. “I love catastrophes,” he explained. “It is fun to watch the misery of others, you know.”

And with that, he looked away from me again, removed himself from the lamp post, and walked across the beach towards the water to get a better look.

I could not allow myself to deal with him now. Naraku would come later. First, I had to find Sesshōmaru.

“Asahi-sama,” a member of the sea rescue had approached us. “We have now reached the ship and we are checking the leak.”

“Good,” Asahi said with a nod. “And-“

“Are there any injured people?” I asked the man worriedly. Only then he seemed to recognise me, and he quickly bowed lowly to me. Oh, to hell with the formalities.

“No, we managed to rescue them all,” he informed me. “They will be taken to the hospital nonetheless just to make sure they are fine.”

“Yes, good,” I said with a small nod. “Thank you. Is my husband still out there?”

“Yes, he is, Mylady,” the man said. “He is helping us greatly with his strength.”

I exhaled deeply, feeling Asahi’s hand on my back as he tried to calm me down a little.

All we could do was to wait.

“You should go back inside, Rin-san,” Asahi said after a while. “You must be freezing.”

I shook my head. “I’m fine.”

That was a lie. I could barely feel my toes. But I did not care. Not today.

I could not leave this beach without Sesshōmaru.

“Please, Rin-san, your lips are already turning blue,” Asahi said softly. “I must insist. I promise I will send Sesshōmaru to you once he gets back, and I’ll make sure he comes to you.”

He gently patted my shoulder, and then whistled through his fingers. “Hey, Shippo!”

The tiny kitsune that I had met a few weeks ago appeared from behind the rocks, jumping up into Asahi’s arms, looking at him curiously.

“Can you accompany our lady back home?” He asked him. “She really needs some company.”

Shippo nodded firmly. “Yes! I can do that!” He exclaimed and jumped from Asahi’s arms into mine. “Let’s go!”

With the kitsune in my arms I had no other choice but to do as Asahi said. I barely felt my feet as I began to walk back towards the path that led to our house, the icy wind tormenting my face mercilessly, as there was no morning sun to warm us up yet, but holding Shippo in my arms I felt a little calmer, not left alone. Asahi would keep his promise, that I knew. He would tell Sesshōmaru to come and see me after all of this was over, even if he had to drag him to me by his feet.

Suddenly, Shippo squeaked in my arms, pointing over my shoulder. I heard footsteps behind me, and I was sure that it was my husband.

“Sesshōmaru-“ I breathed, turning around, but it was not my beloved that approached me.

It was Naraku.

“Forgive me, just me again,” he smirked. “But I’m bringing news. The report of the sea rescue arrived.”

“I’m looking for my husband,” I said harshly. “I don’t care about this stupid report right now!”

“Well, I think you should!” Naraku barked, crossing his arms. “As they inspected the bow of the ship they found some kind of wreck on the bottom of the sea. A very specific wreck, you know. The wreck of a demon’s feather, if you know what that is.” His lips curled into a bitter smile. “Kagura’s feather. The one she wore in her hair. Part of her power. Allowing her to soar in the Heavens.”

My heart skipped a beat.

Shippo began to cry in my arms.

“Oh my God,” I whispered. “I have to find Sesshōmaru before he-“

“Oh, wait, wait!” Naraku called. “That was not the whole story yet! Right next to it they found a body!”

“A… a body?” The words were barely audible as they escaped my throat, and I stared at Naraku with wide eyes.

“Yes,” Naraku said with a cruel smile. “Scary, eh?”

I forgot everything that I had intended to do. I spun around, running down the path again, away from the house towards the sea. I had to find Sesshōmaru. I had to find him before his temper got the better of him. I had to find him before it was too late.

If this was Kagura’s feather, a part of her power, then there was only one answer to the question of whose body it was that lay there at the bottom of the sea.

I did not feel the cold anymore. I did not feel the light weight of Shippo in my arms as I raced down the path, down to the steps that I had not dared to get close to after that one day, but I knew that this was the only possible place where he could be, I just knew that I would find him there. I only had to make it in time.

Shippo shrieked as I skipped several steps at once, almost losing my balance on the slippery ground beneath my feet.

Any other day, I would have been careful. Any other day, I would have gripped the railing tightly.

I came to stand at the bottom of the stairs, breathing heavily.

And there he was. Standing with his back to me, facing the sea, his silver hair dancing in the icy wind.

But then he turned his head towards me, and as I looked into his face, I saw the hopelessness in the golden eyes that I loved so much. There was nothing of the man I knew in them. Gone was his strength and power, gone was the dominance that surrounded him at all times.

My husband stood before me as a broken man, and in that moment, I realised that he knew. A strangled cry escaped my throat, and I covered my mouth with my hand.

Sesshōmaru averted his gaze.

“They found her body,” he said quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom.
> 
> The explanation will come in the next chapter.  
> And it will get even worse from there.


	23. The Coldest of Smiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out.

The icy wind tormented my face mercilessly, the tears that had escaped my eyes freezing on my skin. But in this moment, the temperature could not have mattered less to me.

I had never seen my husband so lost before. It was true that he had had his moments every now and then, when a dark shadow had appeared in his eyes, and only a kiss or a kind word had been able to fight away the darkness. But what I saw now unsettled me more than his antics or sudden outbursts of anger ever had. Sesshōmaru stood before me as a broken man that had lost all hope, and all will to live.

I barely felt Shippo escape my grip, and the kitsune ran off to hide between the rocks.

Before coming down here, to this cursed place of the boat house, I had been afraid of Sesshōmaru’s reaction. The events of the previous night had shaken me to the core, and I had been sure that he would cast me away. But now that I saw him, I knew that such a harsh reaction would not come. There certainly would be consequences. After all, I had upset him greatly, and deep down in my heart I knew that I could never take Kagura’s place. And the fact that they had now found her body, and that he had identified the wrong woman one year ago, added a heavy weight to my anxiety.

It was as if Kagura had returned for good, just like in Zhong Lin’s unholy prophecy.

I could not win against her. There had not even been a competition in the first place. No. She had always been the one to have his heart, even in death.

And still, despite my fear, despite the horror in my heart, I could barely fight against the urge to throw my arms around him, to bury my face in his chest, to hold him and feel him and to never let go.

I loved him, still. Even if he would never love me.

Sesshōmaru looked away from me again, gazing at the restless sea.

“I never thought that this day would come,” he said quietly. I heard him nonetheless.

I took a tentative step towards him, and then another, until I was close enough to him to see him properly, and my heart broke at the sight of him, at the hopelessness in his beautiful golden eyes, at the bitterness, the torment.

“To be upset about little things…” He murmured. “To shout at you for no reason… none of this does matter anymore. Our little bit of happiness is gone. For good.”

I swallowed thickly. “I know,” I said quietly, looking down at the sand to my feet. “She has returned. And I do not want to keep you away from Kagura or try to replace her. I don’t want to tell you to stop mourning for her because I know you won’t be able to do that…”

Sesshōmaru turned his head towards me again, looking at me with the strangest expression on his face, but I only saw it briefly. I had to get these things off my chest before it was too late. Before he sent me away for good.

“I don’t blame you,” I continued, shaking my head. “She meant everything to you and she will never leave your heart. That is what love is, and I know that because I love you and my heart belongs to you and…” A lump had developed in my throat, and I could barely speak as I began to cry again. For the last time. “You love her too much that you could ever love me.”

Pouring my heart out to him had been easier than I had thought. The words had come out so naturally, and I knew the reason for that was that they were the truth, and that I had to accept Sesshōmaru’s never ending feelings for Kagura the way they were. I had no place in his world, and it would be best if I left him, so that he could be alone with her memory, and mourn in peace.

“Too much…” I heard him say, and his voice sounded strangely questioning. “Kagura?”

Now, there was genuine surprise in his voice, and I raised my head to look at him through my tears. Sesshōmaru was looking at me, his head tilted slightly to the side as he studied me, as if he were looking at me for the very first time. I had never seen him like this before, as if he were at loss for words and puzzled at the same time.

“Rin, I did not love her,” he said.

It was as if I had swallowed a large chunk of ice.

“What?” I whispered.

“I did not love her, Rin,” Sesshōmaru repeated, and his expression darkened again, but this time, it was out of sheer anger. “I hated that damned woman!” He exclaimed, his eyes starting to sparkle in a sinister red. “She… she was evil, diabolic, and rotten through and through! That woman was not capable of love, believe me!”

He stalked away from me, down the beach as if he had to force himself not to explode, and I knew that I had to stay away from him, that if I came too close, I would bring myself in danger, as his demonic blood seemed to take control of him for a split second.

“No one ever saw through her,” he growled. “Every man that saw her was fascinated by her charming nature, by her demonic strength, by her bloodthirst, oh, she was deadly indeed, a living weapon, and yet, elegant and feminine at the same time! She deceived everyone, including me! The men were at her feet, worshipping the ground she treaded on, and she could have had them all, but no, she wanted _me_ , she began to court _me_ , of all people, and my fucking ego was pleased, of course it was, that a demoness like her deemed _me_ worthy of her gaze!”

Sesshōmaru spun around, looking at me, the red sparkle still in his eyes and his facial features strangely jagged. But he was in full control of himself.

“We married, and we were the most powerful couple of them all! We bonded, we were mates for life! You remember our day out in London, to the London Eye? I did something similar with her, all those years ago, after a battle, and we stood on top of Mount Fuji, the world to our feet. And it was then that she told me what he was only using me, betraying me constantly, breaking the sacred bond between us as mates on a regular basis. All she wanted was my name, my wealth, my power! I as a person meant nothing to her! And then she said to me: ‘Let’s make a deal. I’ll keep betraying you but I’ll play the Lady of the West. I’ll secure your power, I’ll bring honour to your name.’ And I agreed, I agreed out of fear of public ridicule! A separation between mates is impossible for yōkai of my standing, even today! The honour of my family’s name was worth more to me than my personal pride! And she knew that. And she enjoyed her victory! With the coldest of smiles that I ever saw!”

Sesshōmaru buried his face in his hands, taking a deep, even breath.

“At first she did her part. She played the wife. The Lady of the West. The house we live in was my father’s, he gave it to us, and she turned into what it is today, it is all her work. Throughout the centuries, she kept it at an impeccable standard. But then, she started to invite her lovers. Spent the nights with them in this damned boat house. I warned her. I told her that my patience was wearing thin. But there was nothing but mockery in her eyes. And that smile! That smile, so cold and heartless as the devil!”

Sesshōmaru grabbed the post of the staircase that led up to the boathouse, the wood splintering in his powerful grip.

“One of her lovers was a cousin of hers,” he muttered bitterly. “A dodgy guy called Naraku.”

“I know Naraku,” I blurted out, and he suddenly returned his gaze to me, staring at me in shock. “He was here when you were in Kyoto.”

“Why did you not tell me?!” Sesshōmaru called out, approaching me and grabbing me by my arms. “By the Heavens, why did you not?!”

“I… I thought it would remind you of Kagura and-“ I was so shocked that he was touching me that I could barely speak.

Sesshōmaru let out a joyless, breathless laugh. “Remind me of Kagura!” He breathed. “Kami! As if that were necessary.” He rested his forehead against mine for a moment, and as they touched, I felt a shockwave going through my body, as if to remind me that this was indeed happening, that my husband was indeed there, holding me, trusting me, pouring his heart out to me. Revealing his darkest secrets.

Eventually, he pulled away from me, but he dropped his hands from my shoulders to take mine into his. They were ice cold.

“One night, she returned from Tokyo late. She left the house soon afterwards, and as I saw the light in the window of the boat house I was sure that she was down here, with him, defiling the sacred bond of mates between us. ‘Enough is enough’, I thought and… and came down here.”

He looked over at the boat house.

“But she was alone,” he said. “She lay on the futon, smoking a pipe. She looked pale. Weak. Full of hatred. I… I said to her, ‘You are breaking your promise. You are turning my house into your personal brothel’ and that I would no longer tolerate it. She stood and threw her head back and smiled at me with that cold smile of hers… she said to me, ‘Sesshōmaru, what if I’m having a child? Everyone will think it’s yours. It’ll be mine naturally, and one day it will inherit all of this, all that you hold most dear. Your perfect lady will be the perfect mother and you, you will play the father, playing the role perfectly like the role of the fool.’ And she laughed! She laughed like the devil himself!” With every word he had become louder, and he broke away from me, his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair, looking like a madman.

“I… I saw red. I… I pushed her away as she came closer to me, and she fell and I don’t know how it happened or why but she… she lay there and I thought no you can’t harm a woman, no you have to remember who you are, but as I went to help her to get up I saw that she was… she was… that my anger had…”

That he had killed her.

“And… and even then she was… she was smiling that cold smile…” Sesshōmaru whispered, staring into the void. “I pulled the feather from her hair that was part of her power. She could fly with it. I dropped her in the sea. The winds are strong here, and even someone like her would struggle with them if the weather was too harsh, like it was that night. It would look like… like a tragic accident. I dropped her right where they found her today. I dropped her there and of course she had to haunt me after death, of course she would not just stay there, no!” He let out a heartbreaking cry that cut right into my soul, and I felt my knees become weak, sinking to the ground, into the sand. “She has won!” Sesshōmaru screamed against the wind. “Even in death this sorceress wins!”

The waves crashed against the cliffs and rocks, muffling his cries.

I buried my fingers in the sand.

“Why did you not call the police?!” I cried against the wind. “It was an accident!”

Sesshōmaru buried his face in his hands, and for the first time, he began to sob.

My body moved on its own, not waiting for my brain’s command as I rose to my feet and walked over to my husband, grabbing his arms. “It was an accident, right?!” I cried. “Sesshōmaru, was it an accident or not?!”

Sesshōmaru shook his head vigorously. “I don’t know,” he breathed. “I swear to you that I don’t know. I did not want her to die, I did not want to kill her, I swear to you that I did not want this to happen, I did not… I did not…”

I wound my arms around him, holding my husband in his most vulnerable moment. What he had done for me, I would do for him.

And if there was one thing that I knew, then it was that Sesshōmaru would never put on a show like this merely to lie to me. That everything he said and did had a meaning, and that his tears were genuine. That everything he said was what he knew to be true.

It had not been his intention to become a murderer.

And I would not let anyone turn him into one.

“Sesshōmaru,” I said, cupping his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. “Have you ever told anyone else about this?"

Sesshōmaru swallowed thickly, shaking his head.

“Except for you and me there is no one that knows what has really happened that night,” I said firmly. “And no one else will ever know. _No one_.”

It was as if the wind had stopped around us. The sea calmed, the birds stopped screaming, and peace came over us, as if a divine power had embraced us, protecting us from the outside world.

My husband was beautiful in my hands. Fragile, strong, real, and almost human in his distinctive yōkai appearance.

Slowly, his pale hand came to rest on top of mine, his fingers gently wrapping around my narrow wrist.

“Look at you,” he said quietly. “The child in your eyes. It is gone.”

I nodded. “I know. I will never be a child again.”

I watched as Sesshōmaru turned his head slightly to kiss my palm, and a shaky breath escaped his throat.

“How can you still look me in the eye after such a terrible confession and say that you still love me…” He whispered. “My Rin… my wonderful Rin…”

I wound my arms around his neck. “I love you so, so much,” I whispered, and as our lips touched, I felt his desperation, his sadness, all of his feelings in our kiss, and he held me close, held me tightly to his chest, unwilling to ever let go. I held onto him for dear life, as if he were the only thing to keep me from drowning.

And in many ways, he was.

I felt his lips in my hair, his tears running down my own cheeks, heard his desperate confessions. I took it all in, keeping it all safe in my heart that would always be his, and his alone. And his heart would always be mine. I would never have to share it with anyone.

Kagura had never owned it.

We stood there like this for what seemed an eternity. Only when he saw that my lips were indeed turning blue, Sesshōmaru put his arms around me and lifted me up, carrying me up the stairs and up the path that led to the house.

We both knew what would follow. The fact that he had identified the wrong woman one year ago would not go unnoticed.

There would be questions. There would be investigations.

And I would be at Sesshōmaru’s side.

No one would take my husband away from me. I would fight for him. Even if it was the last thing I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry, the old Rin can't come to the phone right now. Why? Oh. Because she's dead."


	24. The Quiet before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been so long! I'm very sorry for the lack of updates, but believe me, I've been busy. My dissertation is finally done, I handed it in, and now I'm waiting for the result and for the admission to the MA programme.   
> Oh, and I've joined the Yuri!!! On Ice fandom ;)
> 
> But now, here it is! Sit back and fasten your seatbelts because holy moly on a cracker, it's getting serious!

Sesshōmaru had carried me back to the house immediately, not saying a word as he wrapped a blanket around me to warm me up. Then, he had gone to the kitchen to prepare tea for us both, and when he had finally returned to me, I curled up at his side, burying my face in his chest as another wave of panic came over me. Only now, in the safety of our home, I came to realise the full extent of what I had learnt just moments ago, and what it could do to Sesshōmaru. What it could do to _us_.

If a single thing went wrong, they would take him away from me.

And therefore, we had to play very different roles to the world from now on.

Sesshōmaru held me close, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. For now, we could do nothing but wait. On the way back to the house he had briefly explained to me what would happen next. The Authority would be informed, and they would come to investigate Kagura’s death. For that day we had to be ready. And it could come any time.

Zhong Lin and her revenge plot of the previous evening did not matter now. I could deal with her later, when all of this was over. Now that I knew what I knew, I felt stronger, ready to face her. Now I knew that she lived a lie, and that there was no ghost, no spirit that I had to fear. Sesshōmaru was my husband. I was the one to own his heart. It had never been Kagura’s.

After a while, Jin’ichiro came in with a tray, bringing us hot miso soup, rice, and some meat. The old man seemed shaken to the core, and as he approached us, Sesshōmaru got up to take the tray from him.

“Oh, Sesshōmaru-sama!” He sighed. “What a most unfortunate day.”

“Indeed,” Sesshōmaru agreed. “But we will get through it the way we always do, Jin’ichiro-san, won’t we?” He placed the tray on the table. “Thank you. Could you prepare a hot water bottle for my wife as well? She is still rather cold.”

Jin’ichiro nodded. “Of course, Mylord, of course.”

The old man left the room, and Sesshōmaru sat down at my side again, filling a bowl with rice and meat and handing it to me. I did not feel very hungry, but I knew that I had to eat at least something. The food tasted like nothing in my mouth, but I forced it down my throat nonetheless. I would do anything that would put Sesshōmaru’s mind at ease.

It would take a while for the men to clean up at the beach, and then, they would take Kagura’s body with them for an autopsy. Until the Authority arrived, there was nothing we could do.

“Mylord?” Jin’ichiro had appeared at the door again. “The police are here. I mean, the… the Colonel is here, and he asks to speak to you.”

I looked up at Sesshōmaru in shock, but my husband seemed calm enough.

“It’s alright,” Sesshōmaru said and got up. “Bring him in.”

Jin’ichiro nodded and slowly made his way back out of the room to get the visitor. I exchanged a worried look with Sesshōmaru, but he merely placed his hand on top of my shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

A moment later Jin’ichiro returned with a man following right behind him. Much to my relief, the Colonel was human, and he greeted Sesshōmaru and I with a respectful bow. Men like him couldn’t threaten us, I told myself. Men like him were only doing their job.

Men like him couldn’t take Sesshōmaru away from me.

“Good morning, Mylord,” the Colonel said politely. “Mylady.”

“Good morning, Colonel,” Sesshōmaru said. “Please, take a seat.” He gestured at the armchair by the fire.

“Thank you,” the Colonel said and sat down with a sigh, placing his hands on his knees. “What a morning this must be for you, Mylord. And for your wife as well. Let me tell you how very sorry I am that you must go through all of this again. I remember very well how difficult it was for you.”

“Thank you, Colonel,” Sesshōmaru said and took a seat beside me again, taking my hand gently into his own.

“I am aware that this is beyond my responsibility, since this is a matter that concerns yōkai,” the Colonel said. “But I have to inform you about the official procedure, as you know.”

“I do,” Sesshōmaru said. “But I’m sure my wife does not need to hear all of this. This is very upsetting for her, you see.”

I understood immediately, and rose from my seat. “Please excuse me, Colonel,” I said softly and bowed lightly to him before making my way out of the room, feeling my husband’s eyes on me.

Making my way down the hall towards my bedroom, I could hear the doors of a car being shut, and fear came over me. Had the Authority already arrived?

But as soon as I heard Inuyasha’s voice, I calmed down again. Turning around, I could hear my brother-in-law greet my husband, and as I turned around the corner, I found Kagome in the hall, speaking to Jin’ichiro.

“A terrible thing, indeed,” she sighed, patting the man’s shoulder as she spotted me. “Oh, Rin! There you are!”

“Kagome,” I said, walking down the hall towards her and pulling her into a hug. I had never been so happy to see her. “How nice of you to come here, now that we… you know…”

“I just had to come, and see how you are doing,” Kagome said solemnly, rubbing my arm gently. “Inuyasha fell out of bed when he heard the news. How are you coping?”

“I’m okay,” I assured her. “But Sesshōmaru…”

I did not need to say more. Kagome nodded understandingly, clasping her hands. “I can barely imagine what this must be like for him, going through all of this again. And now the police is here again and questioning him…”

“The Colonel is only doing his duty,” I replied. “Formalities. Nothing more.”

“I wish it were like this,” Kagome sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “There won’t be just the police. There will be the Authority and their very own investigation because Sesshōmaru identified the wrong woman back then. They won’t like this Rin. And I don’t have to tell you what yōkai can be like to their own kind. They know no mercy.”

Kagome might have been married to a hanyō only, but she knew just like me what it was like to live with someone that belonged to an entirely different sphere. For yōkai, there were different rules, different norms. I had been with Sesshōmaru for a short time only so far, but I knew well enough that the world of yōkai was brutal, and beyond mercy.

It was one of the reasons why most yōkai never had a permanent human partner.

“But this time, he isn’t alone,” I said, trying to sound braver than I felt. “This time, he has me. And I will help him and support him no matter what.”

The look Kagome gave me was one I had never seen on her before. She looked at me thoughtfully, fixating me with her gaze as if she was trying to figure me out. It did not feel uncomfortable to be looked at like this, especially not by Kagome. But it made me wonder what she was thinking.

Eventually, she reached out and touched my hand. “I’m really glad that he’s got you now,” she said softly. “You believe in him when he is doubting himself. You feel his pain and the fear that he’d never admit he feels. With you, he won’t lose hope. I just know it.”

I blushed at the unexpected praise from my sister-in-law, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. Was that how she saw me? As Sesshōmaru’s partner, his supporter?

Did she truly see me as his equal?

“I hope I can do him justice,” I said softly.

“You will,” Kagome said and took both of my hands into hers. “And you know why? Because you have the strength of a woman that fights for the man that she loves. She can move mountain and part the sea if her man is in danger. We might seem weak to others many times, especially to yōkai, but believe me when I say this, Rin: A woman does not run away when she is needed. She shows her true strength in the darkest moments and returns the light. And that is what Sesshōmaru needs right now.”

Kagome must have seen the tears coming, for she pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly while I quietly cried into her shoulder. I had to be strong from now on, I couldn’t keep going like before and cry like a baby or run away each time I was afraid. I had to grow up for good and leave the child that I had been behind. Never again I would allow Sesshōmaru to see me like this. And so, I cried in the arms of my sister-in-law until I felt better.

Kagome smiled softly and handed me a handkerchief to dry my tears with.

“Thank you, Kagome,” I said. “For everything.”

“Always,” Kagome assured me, looking over my shoulder as the door opened and the Colonel entered the hall.

“Mylady,” he said in a friendly voice. “Please do not hesitate to contact me if there is anything that the police can do.”

“I will,” I said, pulling myself together. “Thank you for coming.”

He bowed to me once more before he left, getting into his car and driving away. A moment later, Inuyasha and Sesshōmaru emerged from the living room. They shared the same expression on their faces, and for once, I could truly see that they were brothers.

“I’m sorry for the mess,” Inuyasha said to me. “I hope this doesn’t upset you too much.”

I shook my head. “I’m okay,” I assured him.

Inuyasha didn’t seem convinced. “The Authority are a bunch of shitheads,” he said, glancing briefly at Sesshōmaru who, when not being the one investigated, was part of the Authority. “They might not respect you because you’re human. But you’ve got to stand your ground, Rin, do you hear me? You have to show them that you’re not afraid of them. Otherwise they’ll treat you like a child and Sesshōmaru will be gone from the face of the earth before you know it.”

“That’s enough, Inuyasha,” Sesshōmaru said sharply, but Inuyasha ignored him.

“I know what they will be expecting of me,” I answered to my brother-in-law. “But if they come to my house to investigate on my premises, they’ll have to play by my rules.”

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, slowly nodding in approval.

“You’ve got yourself a feisty one, Sesshōmaru,” he said.

“You don’t need to tell me things I already know,” Sesshōmaru said, his tender gaze making me blush once more. “She is the Lady of the West and will be treated as such. That I will make sure of.”

Kagome reached for Inuyasha’s hand before her husband could say anything else, tugging gently on his sleeve. “We should leave you alone now,” she said to us and linked her arm with Inuyasha’s. “But please don’t hesitate to call if you need anything. No matter what it is.”

“Just keep an eye on the town,” Sesshōmaru said. “Report any strange activity to me or Asahi. I can’t have lesser yōkai lurking around.”

“Sure thing,” Inuyasha said and pulled out his car keys. “What about the little one, by the way? The kitsune? We’ve seen him near the beach.”

“I’ll check on him,” I said. “Shippo knows me already.”

“Good.” Inuyasha nodded at me. “Take care.”

With a last glance at Sesshōmaru, Inuyasha walked out of the house, Kagome following behind him. Sesshōmaru and I watched as they got into their car and drove off, down the path towards the gate until they were out of sight.

Only then Sesshōmaru put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, pressing a tender kiss to the top of my head.

“I love you,” he said.

I leant into his touch and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. “I love you, too,” I whispered. I was much shorter than him, a fact that I had never liked very much, but right now, it felt good to hide in his embrace. To seek comfort in his arms and feel them tighten around me as he kissed my hair again.

It was a macabre twist of fate that the truth about his past had brought us closer together. Learning about the events of Sesshōmaru’s and Kagura’s last encounter had not scared me away. If anything, it had finally broken down the invisible wall between us, allowing me to see the true Sesshōmaru. To touch his broken heart, and to cradle his tormented soul.

The gods had given him to me, and I would never let him go again.

We did not know for how long we stood there, in the hall, holding onto each other without saying a single word. The presence of the other was all we needed. More did not have to be expressed.

We were together.

And that was more than enough.

* * *

Sesshōmaru was still sleeping when I woke up three days later. I could not help but admire him. Seeing him asleep was a rare sight, as yōkai naturally needed less sleep than humans, and he was often up before sunrise, working in his study or exercising in the garden with his sword. But these days, it seemed that Sesshōmaru was exhausted. I couldn’t blame him. The events of the last few days wore him out, although he never complained. But it was waiting for the Authority’s reaction that exhausted him, that much I knew. When I asked him about it, he had said that I was right.

He was no longer hiding things from me. Not even the fact that he, the great Sesshōmaru, could be afraid.

It was barely seven in the morning, but I was no longer tired. And so, I climbed out of bed, careful not to disturb my husband in his peaceful slumber as I made my way to the bathroom and took a quick shower. Then, I got dressed and put on my shoes, wandering through the house in search for my little puppy.

Hana barked happily at me as I found her in the living room, and I picked her up, opening the doors to the garden and stepping out into the sunlight. It was chilly outside, but it was a refreshing start into the day. I put Hana down on the grass and she ran off towards her favourite tree.

At least one of us was still carefree, I thought.

I went back inside and made myself a cup of coffee. Breakfast could wait until Sesshōmaru was up, and I found that I was not hungry in the mornings these days. The mere thought of certain foods made me feel sick recently.

Miso soup was usually enough.

I poured the coffee into a cup and made my way back to the living room when I suddenly heard Hana yelp. Immediately, I put the cup down and rushed to the door, where Hana was almost jumping into my arms with a scared whine. As I raised my head, I could see what had startled her.

A woman stood in our garden, dressed in tight skinny jeans and a leather jacket over a white shirt. Her hair was of a light blue, and she fixated me with an icy stare that sent cold shivers down my spine.

The woman was clearly a yōkai.

“Oh, finally, someone is awake,” she said, resting her clawed hand on her hip. “I was already beginning to wonder that the mansion was abandoned. Fix me a drink, will you? I’ve had a long journey.”

I blinked, looking at the woman in both shock and fascination. Her features were cat-like, from her strangely shaped eyes to the tail that was elegantly moving behind her.

Was she a cat yōkai?

“Oh my,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Has Sesshōmaru started employing the dumbest of the humans? Are you deaf?”

Before I could even open my mouth, I felt a large hand on my shoulder, and Hana stopped whining immediately as Sesshōmaru stepped out of the house. He wore nothing but the hakama he usually slept in, exposing his bare chest to the cold morning air.

“Speak to my wife once more in such a disrespectful manner and you will feel my claws, Tōran.”

The woman named Tōran raised an eyebrow, looking first at Sesshōmaru, then at me, then back at my husband.

“And I thought they were only kidding,” she said with a laugh and came closer. “Who would have thought that the great Lord Sesshōmaru would ever marry a human?” She came to stand a few metres in front of us, making some sort of playful bow towards me. “I had no idea I was talking to the Lady herself. Forgive me, Sesshōmaru, will you?”

“That is up to my wife, for you have insulted _her_ ,” Sesshōmaru said in an icy voice. “What are you doing here?”

Tōran crossed her arms. “I’m the vanguard,” she said. “I’m here to inform you that the Authority has heard of the recent events and will shortly arrive to begin with the investigation. You surely expected that.”

Sesshōmaru nodded, and his grip on my shoulder tightened a little. “Yes. When will they arrive?”

“Oh, within the next two or three days, I assume,” Tōran said, letting her eyes wander over the building behind us. “What a location this will be for a trial. Like in the olden days. Makes me feel rather nostalgic. You surely feel it too, Sesshōmaru.”

“Thank you for the information,” Sesshōmaru said dryly, ignoring her last statement completely. “If that is everything then I ask you to leave before I forget myself.”

“Aggressive and territorial as always,” Tōran sighed dramatically and shook her head. “But yes, I shall take my leave.” She turned around and walked away towards the other end of the garden that led to the beach.

“Oh, right, before I forget it,” Tōran said suddenly, stopping in her tracks and turning around once more. “Your mother sends her regards. She won’t come, since you’re related and you know, it wouldn’t look good if a mother were to judge over her own son in such an official matter.”

I looked at Sesshōmaru in shock.

He had told me that his mother was dead.

Sesshōmaru seemed equally shocked, although he did not let it show like I did. No, he was much more used to this game of indifference than I was. If anything, there was mild surprise coming over his beautiful face.

“She is alive, then?” He asked.

“Oh, yes, she is,” Tōran shrugged. “To be fair, I had not seen her in centuries, either. But on my way here I ran into her. I’m sure she will contact you sooner or later once this is over. If it ends in your favour, that is.”

She looked at me once more, and I swallowed thickly.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Mylady,” she said. “We shall meet again. Maybe under happier circumstances. I’d love to hear all about you. And how you managed to tame the dog.”

“Goodbye, Tōran.” Sesshōmaru’s voice was pure venom.

Tōran only laughed. And then, she turned around and jumped right off the cliff with the roar of the predator that she was, disappearing into the fog.

Once she was out of sight for good, I turned around to Sesshōmaru, looking up at him in fear and worry. His face was like a mask as he kept his gaze fixed on the spot where Tōran had disappeared.

I did not need to speak. Sesshōmaru knew what I was thinking.

“And so it begins,” he murmured, pulling me against his chest. “And we’re ready to fight for our love, aren’t we?”


	25. The Hearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!
> 
> I know it has been a while, but so much has happened recently. I have been to America, I graduated and now can call myself Bachelor of Arts, I got into the MA programme I wanted... it's going well for me so far, I dare to say. I've got my ups and downs, but we all have them, I guess.
> 
> Anyway, here is the new chapter. Enjoy!

The following day, I went straight to work.

Between Sesshōmaru’s confession and Tōran’s visit, I had already begun with the preparations for our new life. I had realised that it was entirely up to us to shape our future together. And now that I knew that Sesshōmaru’s heart had belonged to me all along, that there was no ghost lingering in these halls, I was determined to turn the mansion into the home that Sesshōmaru and I deserved.

I had not even dared to look at the balance of Sesshōmaru’s bank account, to which he had given me full access right after we had moved back to Japan. But now, his wealth came in handy, as it allowed me to arrange the necessary changes swiftly. I spent an entire day sitting on the sofa with my computer, ordering wallpapers, chairs, tables, lamps, curtains, carpets, sofas, china, pots, pans, armchairs, an entire new kitchen – replacing every single thing that Kagura had brought into this house. Not a single trace of her should remain in our home, and I was determined to remove everything that could remind Sesshōmaru of his first wife. The only rooms that would remain untouched were our bedroom and our bathroom, as Sesshōmaru had refurnished those right before our arrival. His study would remain the same as well, as Kagura had never really shown any interest in this room, according to my husband.

But everything else, from the kitchen cabinets to the little framed paintings at the end of the hall, had to go.

Any other person would have had to wait several weeks for the furniture to be delivered and set up, but apparently, money could indeed get you everything.

Just one day after I had ordered our new kitchen, a few people from the company came to get the right measurements, and two days later, they installed our new kitchen with all appliances that I had chosen. The same day, our new crockery, carpets, curtains, and cushions arrived, and only one day later, a few more furniture deliveries arrived. Our house was a mess, and we spent our evenings in our bedroom watching tv and cuddling, but it kept us sane. It meant that we were moving forward, leaving our past behind.

Sesshōmaru hardly interfered with my work, although I had asked him several times for his opinion on my choices for our home. He merely kissed my forehead each time I asked, telling me that he trusted me entirely.

Therefore, I was determined not to disappoint him.

I had not consulted Zhong Lin in my endeavour, as I didn’t think it was any of her business. Furthermore, I had not seen her since the morning she had found me searching for my husband. But then, two days after Tōran’s visit, she showed her face again, and burst into my study as I was supervising the packing of all the things that had to go – all of Kagura’s books, the shelves, the tables, the lamps, yes, especially the damned desk.

I only heard her arrival as I heard her gasp upon entering the room, and I deliberately ignored her and continued my conversation with the maid that was helping me. “Take the books to the local school, please. I have called them this morning and they would be delighted to accept them as donations for their library.”

“Yes, Mylady,” the girl said and nodded. “What about the board game collection?”

“Pack those and send them to the museum that called yesterday. I have left the address on the table in the kitchen.”

The girl bowed to me once more and then took the box with the books, shuffling out of the room without looking at Zhong Lin even once.

The housekeeper slowly entered the room, and I briefly looked at her as I searched through the desk to take out my personal belongings. There were not many of them, but the few things that were mine would find a new home in a study that did not feel like the sanctuary of someone else.

“You…” Zhong Lin began in a halting voice. “With all due respect, Madam…. You should have told me that you wished to refurbish the rooms.”

I put my shabby notebooks filled with anecdotes and photographs down on the desk before I turned around, looking the woman in the eye.

“I don’t think so, Kaseifu-san,” I said calmly. “But I have other things to tell you.” I walked over to the windows and gestured at the damned orchids. “For example, that I don’t like orchids. I prefer azaleas. I want these pots gone by tomorrow.”

Zhong Lin stared at me with wide eyes. “But those are the orchids of her ladyship!” She exclaimed in horror.

“And the air in here is oftentimes very stifling,” I said, ignoring her words completely. “Please make sure that this room is aired at least twice a day.”

Zhong Lin glared at me. “Her ladyship does not want these rooms to be aired.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh, you are mistaken. Her ladyship, that is I, and yes, I do want these rooms to be aired twice a day.” Before she could say anything else, I went back to the desk and continued with taking out all the things that had been stored in the drawers. “I won’t write on paper that belongs to a dead woman that I never knew. It shall be thrown away, it is has become worthless.” I threw it onto the pile of things to throw away, and I heard Zhong Lin gasp audibly. “And the same goes for her address book full of people that I do not know.” I threw it onto the pile, just as Zhong Lin dashed forward to catch it.

“It always lies there, on the desk!” She cried. “Just like the stationery and her paper! Her ladyship wants it this way!”

“Did I stutter, Kaseifu-san?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “ _I_ am the lady of this house.”

I had enough of her ordering me around, of trying to destroy my life. She had almost succeeded only a few days ago, but I would not let that happen again. This was my life. This was my home. And I would no longer allow her to interfere with it.

I went to the windowsill and picked up the porcelain figure of a geisha that I had accidentally broken on my very first morning here. It had been fixed, of course, but it had been a thorn in my side since then.

“I’ve never liked this figure,” I said and turned it in my hands. “And mended porcelain does not bring any luck. So we shall break it into pieces again.”

“No! No!” Zhong Lin cried, but I had already let go of the porcelain figure. It broke into several pieces once again, finally for good.

Zhong Lin stared at the pieces of the figure as she slowly dropped to her knees, pure shock on her pale face and her red eyes wide in horror as she reached out for the shards. A small, almost inaudible sob escaped her, and if she had been any other person, I would have comforted her. But I found that I only pitied her. She was unable to leave the past behind, unable to believe that Kagura was dead and gone, and would never return.

But that was not up to me. This was not my battle to fight. Zhong Lin had demons of her own, and I would not be the one to face them. I had my own future waiting for me, and it would not be an easy one. The least I could do was to turn this house into a home.

I wanted to feel at home here, with Sesshōmaru, and not feel like a guest that was merely tolerated. I wanted to live the way I wanted, regardless of what Zhong Lin or anyone else thought of me. For long enough, I had denounced myself and my love for Sesshōmaru. I had constantly felt surrounded by shadows, but I had chased them away – no, Sesshōmaru had chased them away with me, by telling me the truth.

Finally, after so many years, the light would return to this dark place, and everything would change.

I was the Lady of the West.

And nothing would ever stay the same.

* * *

Three days later, the Authority arrived.

Jin’ichiro brought the note to us as we were having a quiet breakfast in our new dining room. His old hands were visibly shaking as he placed the piece of paper on the table, and I thanked him quietly while Sesshōmaru picked up the note and read what was written on it. From what I could see, it was written in Man’yogana – the oldest form of writing Japanese, and therefore incomprehensible to me.

“They have arrived and are waiting for us at the courthouse in town,” Sesshōmaru said and put the note down again. “The first hearing will take place tomorrow morning at nine o’clock.”

I took the note, letting my eyes wander over the complicated letters.

“What will happen there?” I asked. “Will it be like… like an ordinary hearing?”

“I think so,” Sesshōmaru replied and poured himself another cup of tea.

“Will they want to speak to me as well?” This was what I was the most afraid of. I was not sure if I would be able to endure a hearing like this, being questioned by creatures that could kill me before I could even say a single thing.

“I don’t think so,” Sesshōmaru said and reached across the table to touch my hand. “We met after… after all of this. You also don’t have to come to the hearing with me if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you want to stay here and wait for me, that’s fine.”

But I shook my head before Sesshōmaru could say more. “I will come with you,” I said. “You lose your temper so very easily. I hope that my presence will give you strength.”

A small smile appeared on his beautiful face, and he gently intertwined his fingers with mine.

“Knowing that I have such a loving wife will always give me strength, my love,” he said, and then brought my hands to his lips to kiss it.

The day passed far too quickly and before I knew it, it was shortly before nine in the morning. I had woken feeling terribly ill, and had spent ten minutes in the bathroom losing what was left of dinner in my stomach. At breakfast, I could hardly focus on my meal, and merely managed to drink a cup of tea. Although it was not me who would be questioned by the Authority, I felt as nervous as if it were my hearing.

Sesshōmaru’s hand never left the small of my back as we waited in the courthouse for the hearing to begin. A few yōkai had walked past us already, all of them greeting Sesshōmaru respectfully, most of them even making some sort of bow towards me. Tōran even addressed me directly as she greeted us, and I wondered if she was trying to be friendly. But then again, one could never know what was going on in the head of a yōkai.

Inuyasha and Kagome had come to support us, standing beside us as we waited for the clock to strike nine. Inuyasha openly scowled at everyone who eyed them curiously and effectively kept most people – especially the press – away from us. The last thing I wanted was to talk to nosy journalists about my private life. Asahi had come as well, his presence alone seemed to keep the people away from us. Not for the first time I wondered what kind of yōkai he exactly was.

Finally, the doors of the courtroom opened and a yōkai with tanned skin and hair as silver as Sesshōmaru’s came out. His clothing reminded me of a medieval soldier, and I noticed that he was carrying a sword on his belt. His expression, however, was a kind one, and he looked at us almost compassionately.

“Tsukuyomaru,” Sesshōmaru said.

“Sesshōmaru.” The yōkai called Tsukuyomaru nodded in greeting. “And Lady Rin. I wish we had met under happier circumstances.”

“We cannot change it now, can we,” Sesshōmaru said. “Is it time?”

Tsukuyomaru nodded. “We are ready for you. Lady Rin, please take a seat over there. You as well,” he added, looking at Inuyasha and Kagome. Asahi moved closer to me, as if to take Sesshōmaru’s place for now.

I turned around to Sesshōmaru, not caring that we were in public, and kissed him tenderly on the lips before I finally let go of him. It was as if I had to let go of a piece of myself.

We took our seats in the back of the room from where we had a good view of all the yōkai present. Some of them I had never seen before, whereas others I recognised thanks to the stories that Sesshōmaru had told me. Tsukuyomaru, I remembered, was one of the few that was married to a human woman and had a child with her. Most of the yōkai present had taken a more of less human form, and they all carried themselves with a certain pride that I also knew from Sesshōmaru.

I let my eyes wander, freezing as I spotted Zhong Lin in the other corner, and Naraku next to her.  

But before I could tell Inuyasha or Kagome, the hearing began, and Tsukuyomaru began to speak.

“The Authority has gathered here today to investigate the death of the Wind Sorceress Kagura, former Lady of the West and wife to Sesshōmaru.” His voice was clear and surprisingly gentle, and I wondered if he was comfortable being here. He seemed to like Sesshōmaru. “The rules are clear. No weapons, no powers may be used within these halls and for the duration of the investigation.”

The yōkai surrounding him nodded, and I watched Sesshōmaru nod as well. He had taken a seat at the front, surrounded by the Authority and with us bystanders to his back. As I looked around, I noticed that Kagome and I were the only humans in the room – and probably only permitted to be here because we were married to yōkai. But I was not afraid.

My stomach clenched, but I tried to ignore the feeling and attempted to focus on my husband.

“Sesshōmaru-sama,” a yōkai to his left said. I immediately recognised him from a photograph. His name was Tōtōsai, Sesshōmaru had told me, and he was a swordsmith. Apparently, he had been friends even with Sesshōmaru’s father. “On the 2nd of June of the last year, you identified the woman found forty miles away from here as your wife, Lady Kagura. Now we know that it was not her.”

“Her body was entirely disfigured by the sea water,” Sesshōmaru replied calmly. “I thought it was her.”

“Sea water affects the bodies of yōkai after death just like any other body,” Tsukuyomaru said. “I was there when Sesshōmaru-sama identified her. It was almost impossible to tell. The natural scent of a yōkai was no longer on her.”

“How about the body that was found now?” A female yōkai to Sesshōmaru’s right asked.

“No scent,” Tsukuyomaru replied.

“Here we have the report of the rescue team that found Kagura’s feather,” another yōkai said, pulling out a file. “They were human and did not know what exactly it was, but upon closer inspection, they realised that it belonged to a yōkai. They called for an expert, who then identified it as Kagura’s feather, and came to the conclusion that the body next to it must have been her. This report says that her feather had been heavily damaged. As if someone had ripped pieces out of it by hand.”

A cold shiver ran down my spine, and I grasped Asahi’s hand for support.

“I have a question,” Tōran said. “Why did her body not decay?”

“These waters have always been protected by spirits,” Tōtōsai said calmly. “I assume that her power, even in death, was stronger than theirs. There are lots of places where this occurs.”

The yōkai nodded, and I wondered if that was a good sign or not. I still felt terribly ill, and had to force myself to breathe calmly.

“There is one question, then,” Tōran said. “Why did Kagura use her feather if it was in such a bad state? It must have been dangerous.”

“Indeed,” another yōkai remarked. “Did she often leave with her feather in a state like this, Sesshōmaru-sama?”

“She was a Wind Sorceress,” Sesshōmaru replied firmly. “She controlled the winds. A damaged feather was not a problem for her.”

“But it was not just damaged,” the yōkai said. “It was almost torn to pieces. Torn to pieces by hand. There are no lesser yōkai around that would have dared to attack your wife, Sesshōmaru-sama, and she would have been easily able to defend herself if such a thing had happened. No, her feather seems to have been messed with on purpose, so that she _had_ to fall.”

Shocked murmurs filled the courtroom, and I gasped for air as I realised what this meant. This was not an ordinary hearing. No, these people already had a firm view in their minds of the events of the previous year. They were just looking for the final proof, for the final piece to complete their theory.

“Silence,” Tōtōsai called, and the room fell silent again.

“Rin,” Asahi whispered, gently tugging on my hand. “Are you well?”

I could not say that I was. I felt terribly ill, the air in the room too hot, too many people around me, and my husband about to be sentenced to death. I couldn’t reply. I continued to look at Sesshōmaru, praying to the gods that they would help him.

“Sesshōmaru-sama,” the yōkai asked again. “Did you know of the state of her feather?”

“How could I have known of it?” Sesshōmaru asked in return. “No yōkai ever touches the power of another yōkai.”

“To hear that her feather was in such a state does surprise you, then?”

“Of course it does surprise me!” Sesshōmaru barked, only to pull himself together again. I swallowed thickly. I had feared that this would happen – that my husband would lose his temper. “What is that question supposed to mean?”

The yōkai, a mean looking, tall man with long, dark hair, raised an eyebrow. “Tell me, Sesshōmaru-sama,” he said. “Have there been… problems between you and your late wife?”

Sesshōmaru’s expression darkened instantly. “How dare you,” he growled. “How dare you to bring up my marriage, my _bond_ , in front of this court!”

The bond.

It was something that Sesshōmaru had never spoken of since he had told me the truth, but Asahi had explained it all to me. Yōkai that married shared a sacred bond, something so holy that even speaking of the bond of others was considered highly inappropriate. Of course I knew that Sesshōmaru could not have cared less about his bond with Kagura, but his reaction was what he had to present to the court. He had to keep up the masquerade.

Sesshōmaru was not the only one in the room to be disgusted by the accusation. Quite a few members of the Authority, including Tsukuyomaru and Tōran, looked at the other yōkai in horror.

“Well, it couldn’t have meant that much to you!” The yōkai continued, not caring about the protests of the others. “Since you got married again just a year after your wife’s death. Maybe that was all planned? Maybe you found that girl and she refused to be your mistress, like most women of this age do, and so you decided to get rid of your-“

“I must protest!” Asahi rose from his seat beside me. “Sesshōmaru and the Lady Rin first met in London a few months ago.”

“My current marriage has _nothing_ to do with my former marriage!” Sesshōmaru barked at the yōkai in front of him. “And my wife is not the one accused of anything! Remember what this court is for, and that you have absolutely _no_ authority over her!”

My entire body was shaking by now, and I barely heard Kagome talk to me or pull me closer to her. It was all too much. They had come too close to the truth, too close to taking Sesshōmaru away from me. The ringing in my ears increased, becoming louder and louder until it drowned out everything else.

And then, I lost consciousness, the last thing I heard being my name, called out by Sesshōmaru, and his warm, strong arms around me before the darkness surrounded me.


End file.
